The Sisyphus Papers

I love that Stupid Cat.

2011-08-06T18:24:00.001-04:00

I love cats. And i love making up ridiculous songs. Which means this video is my dream come true. Few things have moved me in quite the same way as this video. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

She's the Type.

2011-08-06T18:18:00.000-04:00

The internet is talking about Nicki Minaj and the recent "incident" she was involved in last month. It appears that on July 12, police officers were called to the hotel Minaj was staying in due to a report made by a hotel employee. A police report was made regarding an assault and Minaj refused to press charges.

And then she denied it. She pulled a straight Sarah Palin and said that the reporting of the incident was inaccurate and blamed the media. Which was wack, but whatever.

AND THEN THE 911 CALL HIT THE INTERNET!

Welp, so much for denying it happened. In the call you can hear The Minaj asking the man "why did you hit me" and also later saying "look what he did to my face!" The police report has also been released of the incident, stating that after receiving treatment, she refused to press charges. And what is her response to this info becoming public?

"get off of my penis."

The way this whole thing has played out has been depressingly typical. Woman gets assaulted, woman seeks help, woman gets help, woman denies the incident even happened. It happens like this for many women in abusive relationships up until the day they are finally able to get away from the relationship. But what i did not see coming, was the opinion many people have that it is not at all surprising that she would be a victim of domestic violence.

And the lack of surprise isn't couched in the knowledge that Hip-Hop can be insanely misogynistic. No, apparently, she just "seems like the type who would be with an abusive guy."

Okay, now do what?

Here's why this line of thinking is problematic:

1) it assumes that there is a specific type of woman who is victimized in relationships and a type of woman who isn't. just so long as you stay on the right side of the fence, you shouldn't have any problems, right?

2) it takes all responsibility of the incident out of the hands of the man (who typically abuses) and places it on the woman, because she CHOSE to be with an abusive man. because she's the type.

3) it ignores the dynamics of abusive relationships and the fact that abusers groom their victims into accepting the mistreatment by steadily escalating the objectionable behavior. Rarely does an abuser got from charming to fight to the face. It usually gradually escalates in severity and frequency.

Domestic violence is not particular. It can happen to any woman of any race or nationality, of any age, educational level, or profession. And to have people wave it away when it happens to certain women with a cynical "are we really surprised" is demoralizing and infuriating, as if there is a certain class of victim that requires scorn where others require sympathy.

Look around you: among every single woman you know, one or more of them have been assaulted or will be assaulted by an intimate partner.

So, I guess we are all The Type.

If you get the stitches then you have to do the dishes.

2010-09-13T21:28:00.007-04:00

You know that moment when you are so hungry, the only think you can fixate on is eating that one meal that will make it all okay? the one meal that is going to make it the clanging and desperation in your stomach disappear...and then here comes someone messing it all up with their annoying bullshit and bothersome drama and screaming and running and blooWAIT WHAT?!?

Stanley Neace, a Kentucky Man Shoots, Kills Five over Wife’s Botched Breakfast

A man who was fighting his landlord over an eviction order to oust him from his home because of his explosive temper apparently went too far on Saturday.

Stanley Neace became upset over the way his wife had prepared his breakfast eggs so he shot her to death, together with his stepdaughter and three of his neighbors.

Trooper Jody Sims of the Kentucky State Police told the press that the 47 year old Neace murdered the five in Eastern Kentucky at about 11.30am on Saturday. He then went home and turned the gun on himself. Police found his body on the porch of his Jackson, KY trailer.

According to Sherri Ann Robinson, who is related to one of the shooting victims, the assailant was distressed over the way his breakfast was prepared and had scared his wife Sandra so much that she ran to a neighbor’s home for help.

Neace pursued his wife and in the end five people lay dead –his wife Sandra, her daughter also called Sandra, and neighbors Dennis Turner, Teresa Fugate and Tammy Kilborn.

wow. so "botched breakfast" is the new euphemism for "domsetic violence." that's a horrifying shame. i'm getting so sick and tired of these stories of men blanking out and taking violent measures against loved ones when all they're trying to do is eat some....pigs feet....in....bed....

Woman cuts drunk man while eating pigs' feet in bed, police say

Police in Rock Hill are investigating after they say a man eating pig's feet in bed was assaulted.

Officers with the Rock Hill Police Department were called out to a home along Twitty Court on Saturday, to the report of a man stabbed.

When officers arrived they spoke to the suspect, whose name has not been released, who says she was sitting in bed with Tommy Barber, 50, eating pig's feet.

While they were eating, the suspect told police the knife accidentally cut Barber, resulting in a deep cut on his arm.

Barber was unable to give officers a statement because he was highly intoxicated, the police report stated.

The suspect was charged with Assault and Battery of a High and Aggravated Nature. Police are still investigating the case.

well.

look i'm not going to act like i haven't experienced severe food related disappointment. i'm not even going to go into the little "incident" in which i choked out a waitress at IHOP because i'd ordered my eggs fried hard but received them runny as snot. but that was the past. i've grown. and i'm still on probation.

anyhoo, i'm just saying that perhaps instead of shooting each other and stabbing each other and beating each other and detroying property over chicken nuggets...we should perhaps relax and put things in perspective.

i mean other than the eggs, none of this stuff was real food anyway. how you gonna cash someone's check over chum and partially hydrogenated fake chicken slabs?

no, we should all calm down and remember that there is only one thing worth maiming your fellow man over:

bourbon.

Adult Swim Can Kiss My Entire Ass.

2010-05-28T23:53:00.002-04:00

as many of my friends now, i am and have been for some time a cartoon addict. now back in the day, i used to watch Cartoon Network regularly, no matter what time of day it was. And trust, i get it honest, because there were many times when my mother and i would have rousing conversations about Cow and Chicken.

however, for the most part i find myself only watching after 11 pm, just in time for Adult Swim. now for those of you who don't know, Adult Swim signifies the programming that is more adult themed.

and i love it.

or, at least i did.

a few things happened this week that certainly harshed my buzz. now, i'm not sure if i'm going to boycott Cartoon Network altogether (as noted in the strongly worded letter i will most likely send), or if i'm just going to stop watching the particular shows that i find problematic.

the day before yesterday i was watching Robot Chicken, an animated show that has stop action dolls instead of traditional animation. each episode runs about 15 mintues and consists of a series of short gags separated by television static, giving the impression that you're channel surfing.

the scene that made me say "oh, damn. really, Adult Swim?" was a parody of The Giving Tree. it showed a selfish little boy making the Giving Tree give him an apple because he was hungry, shade because he was hot, etc. The then boy grows up and demands that the tree give him wood to build a house. The man then starts chopping off branches from the tree, while the tree is all like "ouch! ow! hey!" and shit.

finally the man comes to the tree and asks for something else, and the tree directs him to another tree....the man walks over to that tree and starts demanding something. then, the second tree grabs the man, turns him around, pulls his pants down showing his arse, and riiiiight before we see the sodomy...the first tree says "oh, that's the Rape Tree!"

get it? rape happens to men who totally deserve it as retribution for wrongdoing. that's why we want men to go to prison!

ha ha ha?

and then, last night, not to be outdone, Aqua Teen Hunger Force took Adult Swim to an all new level of "WHAT IN THE FUCK AM I EVEN WATCHING RIGHT NOW"-ness, the likes of which i haven't experienced since that episode Metalocalypes where the escaped inmate ate a live baby. Yes, That Really Happened.

anyway.

in this particular episode (and bear with me, it's gonna sound crack-crazy), Frylock, Master Shake, and Meatwad were in a Scooby Doo cartoon with a girl named Tabitha who was playing Velma. Well, they were running from the Number 100, who had a diabolical plan for the team. When Number 100's plans were foiled, he headbutted Tabitha to make her shut up and then came up with an alternative plan...

"well....can i at least take her into the woods, rape her, and behead her, possibly not even in that order?"

"uh....jeenkies?"

(laugh track)

"i don't know man...better not...she came with the van..."

(laugh track)

seriously? am i serioulsy seeing this?

and the part where the Number 100 carries her off into the woods and you can hear her crying....is this when the hilarious rape happens or the hilarious beheading?

now, it's one thing that the douchbag writers of these shows would act as if they have no idea that rape is a, oh i don't know, LIFE SHATTERING VIOLENT CRIME...as opposed to a subject to make a lame ass joke about. it's quite another thing for the poeple responsible for approving content for broadcast to allow these shows to air with this content.

i mean, it's not like they'd expect people who have surivived rape to watch these shows....or even expect people who know someone who was raped and murdered..."possibly not even in that order"....to watch these shows either. right?

and i'm not even going to talk about the children who watch Cartoon Network during the day who may be rape victims too.

well, i think i've decided how i'm going to handle this situation. as much as i love watching old episodes of King of the Hill and Family Guy, TBS shows them too so whatever, mufukahs.

i'll be sure to update you as to how Cartoon Network responds to my email, if they respond at all.

Today's Moment in Deliciousness.

2010-05-09T19:19:00.000-04:00

This guy right there.

I would like to think his personality is a wonderful as I imagined it to be. That would make the restraining order and probation for stalking totes worth it.

oh, who am i kidding....he could kill baby rabbits in his basement with a hammer while dressed in footie pajamas and a ukelele hanging on his back, and I'd be all like "there's something about him that just draaaaaaws me near."

yeah, that "something" is the horrible lack of wisdom which drives my libido. because fast on the heels of the previous thought would be "besides, anybody THAT damn crazy has GOT to be a freak!" but that's another story for another blog post....

anyhooo, here's Mr. Tasty-Tasty: Desmond Harrington

it's been a wild month!

2010-04-03T16:30:00.002-04:00

hi, how are ya? so much has happened since the last time we chatted, right?

Health Care Reform, Andrew Breitbart proving he's the shiniest tool in the box, a 15 year old pimpin out her 7 year old sisters, Demi getting pissed at Kim for saying she's Big Pimpin, Jesse James (the one married to Sandra, not my favorite one) proving himself to be a lowlife, two of the most beautiful people i can think of broke up (making my chest hurt for them because the kids would have been blindingly beautiful), Erykah making a bold statement and letting the haters prove her point, Tiger Woods' kindergarten teacher acting all butt hurt over some shit CHARLES BARKELY wrote about in a book nobody read a few years back....it's been wild.

it's so much to talk about, i could be here all day trying to get it done. so i'm going to leave you with a few observations and a promise to blog more regularly:

1) I call Bullshit!

2) i love my Prez but WTF, man.

3) Erykah BaDONK.

4) a tidbit about instincts: unless you have a diagnosable imbalance, yeah, your instincts are probably on point. listen closely and act accordingly.

5) ChatRoulette? never leave me.

6) nothing says "damn this is a fine cup of joe" like patriarchal engagement/marriage rituals. The Best Part of Waking Up is Your Dad giving your Vajayjay Away!

that's all i got, faithful reader. until our next WTF moment...

When is it cool to play the Race Card?

2010-02-27T15:01:00.000-05:00

When you need it to convince women of color that you know what's best for them.

ATLANTA — For years the largely white staff of Georgia Right to Life, the state’s largest anti-abortion group, tried to tackle the disproportionately high number of black women who undergo abortions. But, staff members said, they found it difficult to make inroads with black audiences.

So in 2009, the group took money that it normally used for advertising a pregnancy hot line and hired a black woman, Catherine Davis, to be its minority outreach coordinator.

Ms. Davis traveled to black churches and colleges around the state, delivering the message that abortion is the primary tool in a decades-old conspiracy to kill off blacks.

......
Still, enough threads of truth weave through the theory to make “Maafa 21,” the documentary whose name is a Swahili word used to refer to the slavery era, persuasive to some viewers, at least at a recent screening at Morris Brown College, a historically black institution in Atlanta.

“Before we saw the movie, I was pro-choice,” said Markita Eddy, a sophomore. But were she to get pregnant now, Ms. Eddy said, “it showed me that maybe I should want to keep my child no matter what my position was, just because of the conspiracy.” (Source)

There are so many crazy-making angles to how our society treats unwanted pregnancy, financially unprepared mothers, and poor families and children.

If you get pregnant when you didn't want to, then you're stupid because you shoulda used birth control; if you decide to terminate the pregnancy, you're a baby killer; if you have the baby even though you can't afford it and ask for help, you're a drain on the system and a welfare queen; if there is no room in your budget to pay off the medical bills incurred for your child's birth, your credit rating is going down; and if you try to move your broke ass into a good neighborhood, you're the reason crime goes up and property values go down...if you can find anyone to take your section 8 voucher.

but now, if you terminate a pregnancy, you're an unwitting part of a vast conspiracy to rid the world of black children.

*eye.roooollll.*

instead of looking at the reasons why black women make up such a large percentage of women who choose pregnancy termination and address them, it's surely much easier to blame it racist conspiracy, the rain, and the ah-ah-ah-alcohol. because if the the focus is shifted to fake racist theory, the real questions about how and why institutional racism continues to negatively impact that lives of blacks are forgotten and pushed to the back burner. i'd be willing to bet that the majority of black women choosing pregnancy termination are also low-income.

while it's not really that surprising that the Pro-Life movement would try to appeal to blacks in this way, i do find it very interesting that it's suddenly OK to whip out that dreaded, hated, often duplicataed Race Card.

and by "interesting," i mean cynical and disingenuous.

Today's Moment in Deliciousness with a twist of ....wait, are you ugly?

2010-02-14T22:03:00.004-05:00

have you heard of this actor, this Seth Gilliam? seen him around in some films? tv shows?

well it's not like he's new to the scene, but an interesting thing happened while watching him a few years ago on The Wire. I decided he was very handsome and i needed him in my life.

but i gotta wonder...was it the lighting? did they use a Super Hot Guy Filter on the lense...which they clearly took off the camera when filming this guy right here...

and i wondered whyyyyy had it taken me so long to realize that i love him and need him beside me always?

well the answer, my friend, is blowing around on the internets:

the dude just might be ugly.

or is he?

behold, the many illusions of Seth Gilliam, the man who would make me say with all honesty "the answer will always be yes. unless no is required."

hello there, daddy.

wait....wait....th-this can't be right....where is my sexy chocolate drop?

oh, there you are, my little piece of tiny deliciousness! you had me scared there for a moment. promise me you'll never leave me again. promise?

WHAT IN THE BUBBA GUMP SHRIMP COMPANY FUCK ARE YOU WEARING ON YOUR HEAD, THERE, MAN! CMON NOW!

you know what...i'm not even doing this with you. just when you build me up with your handsome self, you let me back down. i'm so disgusted with you right now over that hat and shirt, i never want to see you again. okay i forgive you. you sexy soandsosuchandsuchingSUCH!!

*sigh* i just can't do it.

it would appear either one of two things is possibly happening here. either 1) i'm just not that into him with hair or an abundant beard or joy and life in his eyes or 2) the characters he plays are way more compelling than his actual personality.

if he were so inclined, he could do the ladays a solid and spend more time looking all stern and bald and punitive and unhappy.

just sayin.

Grandparents say the DARNDEST THANGS!

2010-02-06T23:11:00.000-05:00

"now who is the pretty little red-headed white woman in that movie?"

Mrs. Gooch, unknowingly asking about Beyonce after watching Obsessed.

My Soul Just Died a Death of One Thousand Cuts

2010-02-06T01:09:00.000-05:00

or Gone With the Wind, Part III: Fly Butterfly, FLY!

ps.

Radar wants his shirt back.

Can You Spot the Difference?

2010-02-05T13:51:00.000-05:00

let's play a a little game:

watch these two videos and see if you can spot the difference. it's gonna be harder than you think!

if your guess is "oh, one of those videos is animated!" i would disagree: the dancer booty poppin in the middle of the first video was puhlenty animated.

if your guess is "one of the videos has the white house in the background" i would again disagree to a point: Uncle Ruckus is singing at a mansion garden party. and the mansion is, indeed, large and white.

no, the major difference between these two videos is that Uncle Ruckus didn't beat around the bush. he got right down to calling a spade a "spade."

thanks for playing this edition of Can You Spot the Difference? join me for our next round:

Humanitarian Adoption or Child Trafficking? and don't forget the BONUS ROUND!

What is WRONG with these people???

2010-01-24T18:40:00.001-05:00

south carolina. YOU again with your ol' bullshit....

At a recent town hall meeting, South Carolina's Lieutenant Governor Andre Bauer criticized the children of poor families, using an impressively dehumanizing metaphor and flunking basic causality in the process.

Bauer, who is running for the Republican nomination for governor, made his remarks during a town hall meeting in Fountain Inn that included state lawmakers and about 115 residents.

"My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed. You're facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce, especially ones that don't think too much further than that. And so what you've got to do is you've got to curtail that type of behavior. They don't know any better," Bauer said.

In South Carolina, 58 percent of students participate in the free and reduced-price lunch program. (Source)

as you can see, Andre has extensive personal experience with poverty.

now, Andre has taken it upon himself to respond to the criticism regarding his comments by stating this on his personal blog:

My suggestion to require parents of children who receive free lunches to attend parent-teacher conferences is simply a common-sense idea to help break the cycle of dependency, while at the same time providing a better education and a brighter future for the children affected.

Requiring drug testing for adults receiving tax-funded benefits is also just good, plain, common-sense.

Yes, I am speaking out for such requirements, even though they may be “politically incorrect” in the eyes of the news media. It’s better for the children, it’s better for the taxpayers, and, in the end, offering a hand up instead of a hand out will be better for those who have become taxpayer dependents.

Americans are a compassionate people who will always help their brothers who are truly in need. But we cannot and will not allow those who are simply “riding the system” to continue to do so without consequence.

but what of the feeding stray animals only causing them to breed comment? no mention on his blog.

i'm so over this whole idea that the solution to poverty is for people to decide to stop being poor. but i must admit the whole "maybe we should refuse to feed them, then they'll be too weak to fuck" argument is a new one to me.

i can only imagine what his next suggestion might be....

just when i thought this guy was alright by me, based on his "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW" response to the Luv Guv clandestine trips abroad to be with his soulmate, he goes and proves that above all: he's a South Carolinian...and they are stupid.

i'm not kidding that i'm about sick of this state, man. if it's not for the drivers acting like assholes on I-77, it's the politishuns acting like assholes in DC.

i woulder if YaVaughnie would be willing to drop a few thou on some billboards telling them to STFU?

Act like a monkey, think like a jackal

2010-01-12T19:21:00.003-05:00

this morning on the steve harvey morning show, a woman wrote in for advice in her love life. she stated she'd been raped by a childhood friend and was slowly but surely piecing her life back together. she wanted to know if, now that she's met a young man she fancies, it was necessary to tell him about her rape history.

i missed the specific response to the question but i did here mr. steve harvey "keeping it real" with regards to child rapists.

basically, any man can get sex from a willing adult female for $20. why would he have to take it, especially from a 5 year old.

yes, yes, that's right, the dude who made a kajillion dollars recently giving relationship advice, who has been on Oprah and other talk shows telling womens about ourselves, has the solution to the rape of girl children:

the sexual exploitation of desperate adult women.

because believe me, a woman who is having sex with strangers for $20 is desperate, broken,....and very likely a survivor of childhood sexual trauma.

shet up, steve harvey. leave the theorizing on the reasons behind and solutions to childhood rape to people who already know it's not about sex.

stick with what you know: cosmetic dentistry and love handles.

now isn't that interesting.

2010-01-12T07:11:00.000-05:00

The one thing i've noticed over the last couple of days as the media has dragged out every black person they can get their mitts on to talk about the Harry Reid comment is that most of these blacks have dark skin.

For instance, on Sunday morning I saw Donna Brazille on CNN saying she's forgivin Harry Reid for his statement , referencing his glorious history of support of black folks in this country.

you know Donna, right?

And just this morning on CNN, Roland Martin talked about how Harry Reid is a nice guy civil rights has a history yadda yadda yadda, blah blah blah, Colin Powell. yes, he did.

you know Roland, right?

immediately after Roland's segment, there was a news story about Mark Mcguire by another CNN reporter. and what do you know...

yeap, you guessed it: a light skinned black with no "negro" dialect.

I'm gonna go ahead and throw my hat into the ring: knowing what we know about what racism and colorism and the benefits of assimilating as black americans, why exactly are we mad at Harry Reid about?

is it what he said or the fact that his statement is the truth?

when issues are forced

2010-01-01T19:22:00.002-05:00

yesterday, i had a conversation with a friend and asked her if she'd created any new year's resolutions. she said no, she hadn't. i stated i hadn't either and settled on the fact that i didn't really think i needed to make promises to myself to change anything.

then today, a few moments ago actually...i took a reader's survey on a blog i read regularly. question number 8 crystallized the wackness of my existence right now:

(click to enlarge)

so apparently, all i do regularly is watch tv, drink wine, surf the web, and die a little bit everyday...i'm in desperate need of a life overhaul.

damn.

and i thought things were going so well...

a little ditty about Carlos Estevez

2009-12-30T07:53:00.001-05:00

life's funny, am i right?

just when you're pretty sure you know the rules of the game, of what does and doesn't make a person a piece of shit, here comes a curve ball.

to recap: Chris Brown beats the shit outta Rihanna and we're still talking about it as late as last month.

Charlie Sheen pulls a freakin knife on his wife and is arrested on 2 felonies and...well....let's just say the clamor for the spill of his blood is muted. and this is after allegations of physical abuse against his previous wife and an "accidental" shooting of then fiance Kelly Preston in 1990.

where you at, Oprah?

i asked myself why there was this difference in reaction earlier today, but i already know the answer.

and that answer is getting really really really old.

well, i guess i could put it all in perspective. maybe the media isn't talking about Carlos and his switchblade (how stereotypical) because they have other things to talk about?

yeah....i'm giving the media way too much credit.

i said it yesterday and i'll say it again: it pays to be a Sheen, man. you can just keep on being crazy until you finally kill a woman.

Chris Brown is totally changing his same to Critian Estevez in 2010!

Same as it ever was.....

2009-12-29T22:14:00.002-05:00

stop me if you've heard this one:

the US government is given warnings and credible information regarding the movements and extremist ideology of an Al Qaeda operative, who is determined to carry out a terrorist attack against this country on a airplane.

and then the government didn't do anything about the information.

and then the Al Qaeda operative attacks a plane in the United States.

now for the punchline: no, i'm not talking about 2001. i'm talking about now.

thanks for proving to me that it doesN't matter which jackass has the job, i'm probably still not that safe.

I'M TALKING TO YOU, ~~NAPOLITANO~~ CIA!

WTF, Yahoo Buzz!

2009-12-14T15:47:00.000-05:00

i happen to use Kosmix as my homepage on my home computer. while i'm not that excited about it as a start screen, i usually give it a glance in the 3 second space between opening my browsing and going to Gmail.

at the top of my page, i have about 4 tabs from different news sources. the first tab is news from Yahoo Buzz. and in addition to a quick blurb about a story, i am allowed the chance to read the last comment left by Yahoo readers on the site.

without fail, those comments are ALWAYS offensive. i'm beginning to wonder if perhpas they should change their name to Yahoo Buzz: a Subsidiary of Stormfront. not only are the comments offensive but often they are stupid as hell.

i checked Buzz Heil today and was met with the usual.

it really makes me curious: do they just sit around all day looking for stories online to post outlandish comments to? have they no lives? have they no jobs?

well, i don't need to read this crap. today is officially my last day as a Kosmix user. i'm gonna leave these Yahoo Buzz Bastids to themselves.

i hope they choke on the vitriol.

I wonder if the Jersey Shore kids get it.

2009-12-10T09:49:00.000-05:00

meh, probably not....and that's an abobinal-snowman-nation!

Bobby Bottleservice - Jersey Shore Audition Tape - watch more funny videos

Drag Her to Hell.

2009-12-09T13:55:00.001-05:00

i'm making a conscious decision.

i am aware that the media has been forcing the Bad Black Mother stories down our throats, per usual, and this is yet another example of a black woman behaving badly.

i am aware that horrible things happen to innocent children every day.

yet, i've decided to tell this story anyway. Why? because this bitch is crazy and somebody needs to lock her away in a tiny room by herself for a very loooooooong, looooooooooong time.

New York (CNN) -- Prosecutors in Brooklyn have charged a 38-year-old woman with tricking a pregnant woman into taking an abortion-inducing drug because the suspect thought her husband had fathered the child with the other woman.

And after the baby was born two months premature, but survived, someone tried unsuccessfully to slip a toxic substance through hospital security to the infant in the guise of milk for the baby, according to prosecutors.

The suspect, Kisha Jones, allegedly went to great lengths to end the pregnancy of 25-year-old Monique Hunter, according to a complaint filed by the Brooklyn district attorney's office in an ongoing investigation that began over a month ago.

Jones is in jail facing multiple charges, including attempted abortion and assault, according to authorities.

my anger with Sheniya Davis' mother is still sitting like a burning rock in my chest, now this heffa over here is trying to murder a baby because she thought her "man" was the father. luckily, despite her best efforts, the child has not been killed.

now, happily, she's going to end up going to prison where there are no damn men.

fitting.

some of us women need to get ourself under control and quit acting like dick-crazed lunatics whose end all be all is some worthless dude who is more interested in his ho-shit than being a good man.

....in my loudly expressed opinion.

between women selling their kids into sexual slavery, allowing their children to be molested and raped by known perpetrators, taking sides with men over their kids when accusations fly, acting like victims when it comes out that the married men (with children) they've been sleeping with have hoes in different area codes....i'm just over it all right now.

ladies, we have got to do better.

Public Service Announcement

2009-12-09T10:09:00.001-05:00

i've had it. i have had it with poeple doing crazy shit trying to be edgy. so today, i'm taking it upon myself to institute a new rule! i hereby decree that as of today, beautiful people are not allowed to get their faces tattooed anymore. if you are Merkin, and it is not part of your majority- or sub-culture to tattoo your face, then back away from the ink!

some classic examples of beauty gone wrong?

Danger....C'mon, Danger! why in the hell did you get a tiger on your face?! You're lucky your VH1 nickname wasn't Olde English.

Devante, this is no okay! aside from the scribble on your temple, your face is a screaming testament to the ills of cheap drugs and fast women. nigro, how OLD are you now? how did you manage to age 7 years to every 1 year in everyone else's life!

you were hotness, Devante. and i was in love with you from 1992 until roughly 1996. i even overlooked Dalvin looking like a malnurished skeevy version of you.

Mike Tyson?
you are GOOD. get as many tattoos on your face as you want. no loss. believe me.

but you DEFINITELY went too far, Little Six Hair Baby. too far...

He deserved a break.

2009-12-08T15:21:00.002-05:00

Another sad passing was reported today in the Lexington Herald-Leader....the guy who we can all thank for Ronald McDonald went on to the big golden arches in the sky.

Michael Polakovs, best known as a clown named Coco and developer of Ronald McDonald, died Sunday in Ashland, KY. He was 86. His greatest fame came as the developer of Ronald McDonald, the clown face of McDonald's corporation. He designed the outfit and makeup that is worn by the character to this day.

Thanks to the clowntastic genius of Mr. Polakovs, people in my generation can remember with fondness the locally produced commericals in the 70s of Ronald McDonald's hit song "Friends."

And current generations can alternately gawk and/or shudder at the site of Ronald's daughter and son:

you'll be missed, Mr. Polakovs. but your creation's many, many....many reiterations will stay with us for decades to come.

Sad day in the world of Hokey Pokey

2009-12-03T15:44:00.001-05:00

today in the Lexington Herald Leader, there was sad news of the passing of a musical giant:

Robert Degen, who copyrighted the song The Hokey Pokey Dance in 1944, died in Lexington, on Nov. 23, his 104th birthday. In the New York Times report on Degen's death, the authorship of "You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out," and on and on, is in question. The credit usually goes to Larry LaPrise and the musical group the Ram Trio. It is said that the song was created in Sun Valley, Idaho, as a novelty number to entertain vacationing skiers. The group recorded it in the late 1940s. Degen claimed that LaPrise had stolen the song from him.

the very next time this song comes on The Backyardigans, i'm going to grab a sippy cup and pour a little out for the homey.

Like it or not? I pick not.

2009-11-24T12:53:00.003-05:00

so i read an irritating little number today on msnbc that informed me that Like it or not, name can impact your career.

it was full of anecdotes about the motel owner who made his Latino employees white-out their names. this is the same guy who states he once made his black employees do the same thing without any complaint, so what's the problem? he's a defense attorney's dream client, am i right?

and just when i thought the article was going to save itself by pointing out that “changing somebody’s name is something that could be viewed as intentionally discriminatory or not but it still could have a disparate impact on a certain group of workers," it throws itself back into the bullshsit bag with this statement:

"If, however, the employer has some legitimate business reason for asking a worker to change his or her name, he said, and is not only singling out one group, then that may be a different story."

i'm really hard pressed to think up any legitimate business reasons which would necessitate an employer asking an employee to white out his or her name. but what do i know, i only investigate discrimination for a living.

and the article presses forth on the Bullshit Express, we get this particular infuriating tidbit of advice from Bruce Lansky, a guy who wrote down a bunch of baby names and got it published. he advises:

“If you’re picking a name for your child, it’s reasonable to select a name that reflects your ethnicity but which will strike most people as ‘familiar’ or ‘mainstream’ rather than ‘foreign’ or ‘off-putting.’”

see what he did there? he set up some nice helpful synonyms for us. Familiar is to Mainstream as Foreign is to Off-putting.

BUT THERE'S MORE!!

“A foreign-sounding or highly ethnic-sounding name will have people wondering if they spoke English in the household, or if they’ll be able to get along and mix with Americans.”

soooooo, i guess the job history and educational background which are listed on an applicant's resume or application couldn't answer any of those questions, right? because we're just gonna assume someone with a foreign (off-putting) sounding name can't possibly be American. Right?

He suggested finding names that are part of your culture or ethnicity but are not too overt. For example, he said, “if you’re Irish, you could choose Kevin or Shawn, instead of Dermott or Shamus.”

Or use an Anglo-sounding name as the middle name, he noted, giving a child a choice on what to use when they get older. “It can be Abdullah and his middle name can be Henry,” he said.

the author of the article could have talked about how the certain someones in positions of hiring or authority believe they have a right to tell certain browner someones that their names are wrong, and how this is a monstrously obvious show of the privilege and power that drives Racism and Oppression in the country. but nah, why go through all that when she could let us know that she used white-out on her own name, choosing to be know "professionally" as Eve. rather than Evanthia.

"But you do mind if we call you Sal?"

the bottom line?

stop scaring Americans with your foreign, off-putting names! otherwise, you're gonna force someone to discriminate against you on your job. and why would you want to play the race card like that, ~~Abdullah~~ Henry??

afterall, “most people in America are not bigoted, but they do have comfort zones.”

is it too much to ask?

2009-11-19T15:43:00.000-05:00

*taps mic*

Twas wondering:

why is it when Hollywood makes movies about angels, they speak like Princess Diana and look like footballers for Manchester United? would it kill them to make a movie where an angel looks like me?

that being said, i'm probably gonna see this movie. because the angels look like footballers for Manchetser United.

*drops mic*

Happy Hump Day!

2009-11-18T07:11:00.000-05:00

Go, reader! Go, reader! shake ya money makah! get busy! it's ya birthday! not really! well maybe! go, go, go, go!

something to shake your bum to.

2009-11-17T23:08:00.000-05:00

don't sprain anything. that would be dreadful.

hey Mika? Dr. Laura wants her schtick back.

2009-11-10T15:35:00.003-05:00

Mika Brzezinski, the long suffering eye rolling co-host of Morning Joe, wrote a blog today on Huffington Post. in it she revealed some of the tips she shares with "young women about life lessons and TV career choices." for the most part, it read like the script from Up Close and Personal, but things really got good when she got to her coup de grâce: don't "forget" to get married and have some kids, girlfriends! and start in your 20s if you have to!!!

oh, yes she did.

Mika explains that if you think finding a good job is hard, wait until you get a load of how hard it is to find a descent mate to marry and procreate with:

"Bad news, girls. The odds are definitely better on getting the right job than getting a good partner for life...Don't push away that chance if you're one of the lucky ones who find that partner. And remember, you can always change a job. I hear it's much harder to switch out a husband."

and

"But let's talk about the greatest gift a woman can receive: being a mommy. For professional women, there simply is NO good time to have a baby. Putting it off only makes the challenges greater. Having babies after 35 increases medical risk and is, lets face it, exhausting. It is also trying on a marriage and a career."

*headdesk headdesk headdesk headdesk!*

here it is, 2009, and some people refuse to grasp this very simple concept: not every woman is foaming at the mouth at the idea of being someone's mother. and the false belief that a woman who isn't worked up about the notion is lying to herself is insulting and boneheaded.

no really: some chicks couldn't possible care any less than they do about having children. so please.

and how antiquated is the advice of "if you find a good man, girls, you better latch on and never let go because there might be plenty of fish in the sea....but most of them are floating by dead"?

another newsflash! not everyone is 1) HETEROSEXUAL and 2) INTERESTED IN GETTING MARRIED!

and also? Mika? having a baby at any age is exhausting, i don't care if you're 15, 25, or 35. you still get your world jerked around when you have to function under extreme sleep deprivation. i didn't burst into tears at the social security office while trying to get a rush job on my kids' cards because i was 35...i did it because i was delirious with exhaustion. don't even go there!

she managed to be insulting, patronizing, ageist, out of touch, and hetero-privileged in one neat little maddening blog post. in a way, isn't that too a victory?

Mika and Huffington Post could have completely missed me with this. but there is one idea that has definitely crystalized for me. Between Joe's smarmy frat-boy smirk, Pat Buchanan playing the role of everyone's favorite insane racist uncle, and Mika's Donna Reed outlook on what REALLY matters to working "girls," i need to just keep watching the Today show Blue's Clues (keeping it real).

no, i'm not the police captain from Law & Order!

2009-11-06T16:19:00.001-05:00

this story actually rated a double take/eyeroll/sigh from your's truly. how did he NOT know who he was on the panel with?

From Crooks and Liars:

During some of the media's endless coverage of the Fort Hood shootings today, Larry King brought in former POW Shoshana Johnson, Dr. Phil McGraw and former JAG officer Tom Kenniff to speculate about what the mindset of the accused attacker Nidal Malik Hasan may have been. When Kenniff called some of CNN's previous coverage on the topic "psycho-babble", tried to say that a ranking officer could not be suffering from PTSD and asserted that Hasan's motivations looked more like an act of terrorism because he has a Muslim name, Shoshana Johnson and Phil McGraw both rightfully called him out for it.

When Kenniff while attempting to counter McGraw and Johnson asked Johnson if she had ever been to Iraq, she had to remind him that she was a POW:

KENNIF: I spent a year in Iraq, ma'am. Have you ever been to Iraq?
JOHNSON: I'm a POW. I got shot.

Kenniff was obviously unaware that Johnson was in fact the first female African American POW in U.S. history.

Seriously, read the story, transcript and all.

Quick Riddle: The 2002 Remix

2009-11-06T11:08:00.002-05:00

Q: what's scarier than a lunatic with two blazing guns on a military base?

A: A Jordanian Muslim lunatic with a funny sounding name in traditional garb going to a convenience store that happens to have a mosque nearby to buy coffee in the morning....apparently.

there are so many what the fuck-inducing moments in this video is makes my head spin.

i thought it was bad enough that last evening when Lou Dobbs kept reassuring his audience that the shooter is in fact American. American BORN, even.....of Jordanian descent.

it seems to me that since his citizenship can't be denounced*, now the man's religion and his clothing are under scrutiny.

but how random is it that the reporter says he drove to the store in a car with a Virginia license? erm...he's from Virginia!

and stating he may have had a conflict, due to his Muslim faith, with shooting and killing other Muslims in war kinda implies that NO ONE ELSE WHO WAS SHOT was Muslim. now is that a fact? i don't know. and i bet the reporter doesn't know either.

there was so much speculating and pointless scrutiny going on, for a second i though perhaps i was watching TMZ!

it goes without saying that i'm not trying to defend this dude's actions. i'm just noting that there surely wasn't this much scrutiny when Tim McVeigh blew up that federal building and killed those people, right? did anyone reassure us he was American-born, of ___________ descent?

oh, right. no one had to tell us HE was American.

and now instead of focusing on the fact that a horrible tragedy has struck the victims, their families and the family of the shooter....all of us, American....we have CNN showing us surveilance footage of the shooter buying coffee at 6:00 am.

listen it's not 2002, you don't have to try to scare us by throwing out hints that the dude is a terrorist sympathizer motivated by anti-American sentiment. 8 years later, i can recognize the buzz words from a mile away.

just tell us the news.

An American soldier coldly murdered 13 people and injured 32 on a military base in TX.

we should be comforting one another, not taking this as yet another chance to throw suspicion on the Muslim faith.

why won't racism let Americans be great?

*at least i don't think it can be denounced but can someone check to see if Orly Taitz has filed a lawsuit demanding to see his birth certificate yet?

tried and tried and tried to tell ya.

2009-11-02T23:38:00.000-05:00

this is a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader. in black face. and body. i don't even have to do any research to asSURE you, she didn't mean it in an offensive way, is mortified that anyone would be offended, and sincerely apologizes to all those ~~hypersensitive enough to catch a chip~~ offended by her innocent actions.

SHE JUST WANTED TO BE LIL' WAYNE, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT!!!!!

i blame you, Kayne

2009-11-02T10:16:00.000-05:00

you had to go and scar the girl in the biggest moment of her young life thus far, didn't you? now look!

to her defense, the guy in the shirt said the image started off as an X but was later "perverted" during the evening's festivities.

totally believable. did i ever tell you about the time i decided to wear a large white hat for Easter Sunday? by early afternoon, it had totally been "perverted" into a Klans hood. and i was at a black church.

awwwwkward.

Today's Moment in Deliciousness

2009-10-28T12:23:00.000-04:00

*sigh*

Turns out to be true!

2009-10-26T22:31:00.000-04:00

i hate you.

2009-10-26T22:03:00.001-04:00

Dear Motorola Q:

if you had guts, i would hate them with the fires of 1000 hells.

if you had a soul, i would put a curse on it, damning it for all eternity.

if you had friends, i'd tell them all you stole all their money and gave their moms clamydia.

if you had bones, i'd pay someone to break the ones in your legs with a lead pipe.

i'm leaving you and i'm not coming back.

my ex was so much better than you that i honestly can't even remember why i chose you!!!

drop dead, you battery life sucking, non-qwerty working, bluetooth dropping piece of antiquated crap!

and take that bitch ass charger with you!!!

Halloween man...effin Halloween. Part II

2009-10-22T12:08:00.003-04:00

what a predicament! some of my favorite retailers are making it very difficult to give them my hard earned money because they have decided to sell a costume that i find amazingly offensive. well, that's what i call it. Fox News calls it "fantastic."

it's the Illegal Alien costume sold by Target, Walgreens, Toys R Us, Meijer, and Amazon.com. it's product description is:

"He didn’t just cross a border, he crossed a galaxy! He’s got his green card, but it’s from another planet! Sure to get some laughs, the Illegal Alien Adult Costume includes an orange prison-style jumpsuit with 'Illegal Alien' printed on the front, an alien mask and a 'green card.'"

not to be outdone, Halloweenexpress.com has it's own version, complete with big black mustache and baseball hat:

"Mask Includes: Almond eyed, latex, UFO look alien with large black mustache and baseball cap attached."

Halloween used to be fun, right? i mean, i think so....although i recall as a little kid going trick or treating with a classmate who's costume was a "hobo." at the time, we all loved her costume. but there's no way in hell i'd dress my kids up today as a homeless person.

what's so funny about being homeless?

it's turning into one giant exercise in affirming Kyriarchy, where different groups (angrily at times) assert their right to power and privilege over other groups. a clear example of this is the response i received from the woman who wanted her daughter and herself to dress up as Geisha for halloween. She stated she was african american and believed it was totally different for a non-black person to dress up like a black person than it is for a non-asian to dress up like "O-Ren Ishii".....

wait.

i have to take a moment and address this because everytime i think about it i feel like i have a chicken bone in my chest:

O-Ren Ishii....

WASN'T GEISHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

don't go trying to play 3 card monty with one of my all time favorite movie characters of all time!!!! you said Geisha, not O-Ren Ishii! and if you think they are one in the same, that further illustrates the problem!! (ahem).....where was i?

oh right. Kyriarchy.

Halloween is a tough one....can't we all just dress up like ThunderCats?

HALLOWEEN....HOOOOOOOOOO!!

Think Prog ress

My Ecdysis

Racialicious

Bacon, once again, is the answer

2009-10-20T16:19:00.002-04:00

in case you haven't heard, a Florida couple is in police custody for making the lady-moron's 8 year-old daughter suck on a bar of soap for 10 minutes. the child apparently said a "naughty word" and was made to suck the soap by the gentleman-moron (lady-moron's boyfriend*), which caused an allergic reaction that these morons didn't get treated for several hours.

if people aren't going to get over the fact that now, in 2009, we can't do the things that were done to children in the 50s and get away with it, then i would hope they would do some research in the matter and come to an agreeable solution:

it's a win/win! the parent feels like they have delivered a tried and true punishment...that's basically an unthinking and useless exercise in brute force...and the kid gets a delicious bacony snack.

if they'd used this soap, she wouldn't have needed police intervention! she woulda needed some biscuits and jelly!!

* for the life of me, i cannot understand how a woman lets her boyfriend do some foul shit like this to her child. something like that happen to one of my kids, it's going down.

well, i'm glad somebody finally said it!

2009-10-20T15:18:00.000-04:00

no no, not the "rock bottom" part. the "damn she looks old as hell" part!

Halloween man...effin Halloween.

2009-10-19T16:14:00.002-04:00

(click to enlarge)
it took everything in me to say it that nicely.

BREAKING NEWS

2009-10-19T12:32:00.000-04:00

the "white bitch" buying drugs from Redman in one of his videos is Brett Ratner's mother. So says Brett Ratner. Also, black people say the darndest thangs! and PS: the plural of "my man" is "my mans."

in a related story, a unsuspecting black woman in Charlotte, NC felt the top of her head explode while trying to watch the VH-1 Def Jam Hip Hop Honors....

And it didn't help that Cam'ron was his neighbor

2009-10-19T12:21:00.000-04:00

this is why old folks move to retirement communities in Miami.

Because he's six.

2009-10-19T11:58:00.000-04:00

the bad news just keep on rolling out over Falcon Heene and his crazy-ass lying dirt-dog parents the apparent hoax perpetrated upon us all by his parents. as we all know by now, it all started falling to pieces when, during a family interview with Wolf Blitzer, Falcon responded to the question of why he didn't answer when he heard his parents calling his name: "you guys said we were doing this for a show."

when he said that, it seemed like everyone in the family was frozen. even The Crickets, who usually live for these moments of sudden silence, were too shocked to rub their little dry-ass legs together.

and the reason Falcon told the truth is because Falcon is a little kid and he hadn't been told what to say in response to that question.

the next day, in an attempt at damage control, those Wacky Heene's took their Calvacade of Crazy on early morning shows, trying to convince everyone that Falcon answered that question the way he did because he didn't really understand the question. Meanwhile, Falcon noisily vomited into a Tuppeware dish throughout.

on live TV.

so now the predominant news story of the day is The Balloon Boy Story Was a Hoax. everyone is talking about what kind of man Richard Heene is, that he'd use his child to try to get publicity and notoriety, noting that the first phone call he made was not to the police or fire department: it was to the local media.

the family's attorney even went on the Today this morning and stated that arresting the parents in front of the children and media would be "child abuse." But, when asked if perhaps using a child in a hoax and dragging him around for interviews with anyone with a microphone might also be considered child abuse, the lawyer decided that would be a call he'd be more comfortable letting child protective services make.

but that's the story we all really need to be talking about: how this all has affected Falcon. the kid who was too little to keep the lie going and was under so much stress afterwards became physically ill during yet another round of television interviews in which he parents used him to LIE TO EVERYONE AGAIN.

the dad jumps out as completely narcissistic. and not in the "ooohWEE he sure is vain" kinda way.

no, i mean in the really crazy kinda way.

we know what Richard Heene has been saying to the cameras. what is he saying to his children when the camera's aren't rolling?

The Kid's Alright...right?

2009-10-13T11:10:00.000-04:00

one of my favorite bloggers has a post about little Zahara and her near constant state of hair-craziness* on her site that reminded me of a conversation I had recently with a friend.

we both know of a white couple who has adopted two african american children. oh, they take very good care of them, keep them clean, well-fed, and active in their schools and community. however....the hair situation is alarming.

up until about a year ago, the little girl's hair always looked dry, tangled, and close to matting if it got hit with the briefest breeze. and the boy....the boy's hair stands up in these uncombed, uneven little spikes of curls and kinks....kinda like

it is irritating.

speaking for myself, when i see black adopted children who have been adopted by non-black parents with badly kept hair, my first thought is to judge the parents as unwilling to educate themselves on black haircare. as if black hair is this massively mysterious entity that suck you in and ruin your hopes and dreams.

it's not Event Horizon, it's a child's hair.

and the really unfair thing about the situation is, when i see a child who is well cared for in every other way but her hair is neglected, i read that as a type of neglect. yay, hooray, bully for you, she's got clean clothes, she ate 8 times today, and goes to a exclusive private pre-school and is currently fluent in French.

why does her hair look like this?...especially when you always take the time and care to present yourself in a well-kept (and stunning) manner when YOU leave the house?

so, i'd like to share just a few tips with caucasion parents of african or african american adopted children. together, we can get this right!

1) there are 70 kabillion hair salons specializing in black haircare. go to one. if you don't have any black friends, ask a black coworker with children what salon they'd recommend. the point is this: if your kid had crooked teeth would you let them walk around with picket fences in their head or take them to an orthodontist? exactly. there's no shame in admitting some knowledge is outside your paygrade: take.your.child.to.a.salon.or.barbershop!

2) have you heard of this newfangled invention called the internets! the internets hold an amazing amount of information concerning proper haircare, healthy haircare products, cute hairstyles, and just tips in general about black hair. POINT.CLICK.THE.MOUSE!

3) black hair might look really strong but it's very very fragile. don't try to comb it dry, don't comb it with a rattail comb, and for the love of all the good in Narnia, do NOT use vaseline on it. no one is interested seeing your kid walking around looking like a greasy cotton ball.

all that being said (and all joking really, truly, aside) i wonder why.......

why is all the scorn heaped upon angelina jolie for the "state" of Zahara's hair when Heidi's kids wear their hair in much the same way? is there some kinda Coochie Pass** in effect?

ah, well. there will always be critics of Zahara's hair not matter what. and i would imagine that for quite a few of her critics, there will be a sigh of "well it's about damn time" when or if she decided to straighten her hair when she's older.

i'm sure many white adoptive parents of children of color believe they are being unfairly scrutinized by people of color when it comes to how they care for their children's hair. and i can admit to a serious degree, it is unfair.

but we didn't start the fire.

* i happen to think Zahara's hair looks cute. or maybe it's the face. i'm a sucker for a pretty little girl with natural hair.

** what i mean to say is some type of hierarchy of parenting where a birth parent of a child with black hair is given a pass on the hair situation while an adoptive parent of a child with black hair isn't?

BREAKING NEWS

2009-10-07T15:08:00.000-04:00

Barbara Walters said she is believes black women relax their hair to look more like white women.

meanwhile, Barbara keeps getting plastic surgery to look like Madame.

Something I Can't Get My Head Around...or...a decidely unfunny post

2009-10-06T15:55:00.000-04:00

thanks to the generosity of a friend, i was able to read the book Push, the story of Claireece Precious Jones and her struggle to learn how to read.

well....that paragraph is like trying to describe a christmas tree by only talking about the 3rd ornament 2 rows from the bottom.

actually, Push is about a young girl who struggles with the horror of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse and the hands of her mother and her father. A father who ends of dying of AIDS...but not before infecting Precious with the virus.

and not before causing two pregnancies, one resulting in a child with Down's Syndrome.

and i'm not even going to go into Precious' knowledge of and reverence for Louis Farrakhan and Harriet Tubman, her disdain for dark-skinned blacks, and her lack of awareness of the hypocrisy of these thoughts...

this is by and far the most devastating read i've tackled in quite a while. i thought Back Roads was a toughie, Push threatened to completely crush my mood as i fought my way through the stream of consciousness style of story-telling and it's graphic, horrifying accounts of abuse.

reading this book opened my eyes in a lot of ways. it reminded me that survivors of this type of abuse are walking around, some functioning, some still struggling, but among us. when i debriefed the book with the friend who loaned it, she said she didn't think she knew anyone who had gone through the things in the book.

but probably we do. we probably all do. the story is right there under the surface.

i thought about Tiffany Wright, Keara Hess, and Mackenzie Phillips, all victimized, the crimes committed against them making the news within weeks of each other.

i thought about the case in Alabama in which the husband, father, Preacher killed his wife and hid her body in a freezer for several years after she caught him sexually abusing their daughter.

Roman Polanski's distasteful attempt to get everyone to forget that he orally, anally, and vaginally raped a 13 year old girl after giving her alcohol and Quaalude. (really, Whoopi? are you serious?)

and then today, this comes out.

i don't know what the answer is. can parent education fix a person so broken they'd damage a child in this way? can court-mandated therapy? why are there so many men and women who see children as sexual objects and prey upon them??? and why are there so many apologists lining up to go to bat for the adults mistreating children.

Precious often asks why those terrible things had to happen to her. Why the schools didn't teach her, why her mother abused her, why she had to have two kids by her father, why one had Down's Syndrome, why she had to have HIV.

i don't know how to tackle this issue but i do know just thinking about it isn't going to solve the problem. it's not going to affect a change. but maybe if more people keep the physical and sexual abuse of children on their radar, maybe if more people start speaking out against it instead of acting like it's either not happening or the child victim's fault...

well, then maybe we can finally make a difference.

National Association to Prevent Sexual Abuse of Children

BREAKING NEWS

2009-10-05T14:25:00.000-04:00

Beyonce made this expression one too many times....

and her face stuck like that.

random Sunday

2009-10-04T23:24:00.000-04:00

1) why is mother nature messing with me? if it's 43 degrees in the morning but 78 degrees in the afternoon, what am i supposed to wear? A college hoodie, shorts, and flip-flops?

2) whyyyy do women of color keep going on reality dating shows where they are surrounded by 800 white women? the dude never ever ever EVER picks a woman of color even when they are gorgeous!! they should spare us and just eliminate them all on the first show.

3) how long do you think you'll have this song in your head....btw: that's totally me in the cow costume. now WAAAAVE for catfish!

4) what in the sam-hell are you doing right here, Taimak? no wonder your career crashed and burned...after beholding the atomic hot mess that is your platinum blonde mullet wig, i have no choice but to caution YOUR HAIRLINE, TAIMAK! YOUR HAIRLINE!!!!

Postsecret strikes again! or...my sunday morning headdesk moment.

2009-10-04T09:15:00.001-04:00

i saw down with my coffee and pulled up Postsecret, hoping to get some chuckles before starting my day.

instead of secrets that gave me shits and giggles, i read this:

a couple of questions immediately came to mind:

1) why do racists continually blame their racism on the other person?

and more worrisome:

2) what does it mean that the writer chose a stock photo of 2 small male children to illustrate how working in law enforcement "makes" him or her racist? they aren't doing anything sinister or anything needing police intervention....why THAT photo?

3) if someone in law enforcement is expressing racism and using a photo of children to illustrate the point...well, now how is that supposed to help foster confidence in the police?

keeping it real: if someone wrote a secret with a picture of two young girls and said "working in the sex crimes unit of my police department has made me hate women"....as a woman, i'm gonna be alarmed on many, many levels.

in my local town, whenever there are local stories of crime in which the perpetrator is black, you can find many many MANY comments linking the crime of that person to his (and my) race. yet, when you have instances in which the perpetrator is white (coughDAVIDCRESPIcough!), you don't see the same linking of the action of the man to the white race.

i don't feel like anyone should give the writer of the card props for being brave enough to be honest. it's like i told a friend a few years ago, "you don't get a pat on the back for being honest when what you're saying is some ol' bullshit!"

Today's Moment in Deliciousness with a side of Why So Many Patterns???

2009-10-02T11:20:00.002-04:00

Derek Luke you remind me of one of those commericials where the people looked like plates of food.

I call it Chocolate Raspberry Kidney Pie.

Give her what she wants, God.

2009-09-28T16:23:00.000-04:00

and i love you too.

2009-09-04T11:48:00.000-04:00

this is a screenshot of some of my cousins on Facebook. thanks to technology, we can now all shit talk each other virtually!

Thank you for creating the internets, Al Gore!!!

is it really all you need?

2009-09-04T10:56:00.001-04:00

VH-1 has been showing The Beatles Anthology over the last week or so and i finally watched it with the Mister. watching the show, i was really struck by how much the Beatles' music has become a everyday part of our lives. i mean, we know songs we may not have even realized were by the Beatles. we've heard songs in commercials, in movies, covered by other artists...these guys are everywhere.

and if you owned that catalog of music (coughMichaelJackoncough!) well then....you'd be doing quite nicely financially, now wouldn't you?

the episode we watched discussed the Beatles later music, focusing on Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts' Club Band. imagine my shock to find out the Mister had NEVER heard All the Lonely People!...which is interesting because that should be his theme song.

and then imagine my shock at just how moved i was listening to All You Need is Love...

Mick Jagger is in this video a little after the 2:30 mark.

do you remember a time when music actually used instruments? when you needed much more than auto-tune and a rich boyfriend to be considered a singer?

from now on when i'm looking at video footage of town hall meeting attendees going batshit crazy over the prospect of getting health insurance, i'm going to here this song in my head.

if people got sick with all the coverage MJ received when he passed away, JUST WAIT and see what happens when all the Beatles are gone.

"i don't see how a handicapped woman has more rights than me!"

2009-09-03T14:06:00.001-04:00

I think the part that shocked me the most about this video is the reporter's surprise that these town hall meetings really HAVE been ugly and unfair.

any questions?

2009-09-02T16:12:00.000-04:00

i haven't had too much to say about chris brown felonious assualt on Rihanna since it all went down because 1) i don't really care like that and 2) lots of girls get beaten like Rihanna every hour on the hour: unfortunately, her victimization does not make her unique.

however, this boy over here has finally lured me out into the fray with all this stupid talking he plans on doing tonight during his ill-advised chitty chat with Larry King. The leaked quotes have definitely gotten my attention because they show a person who clearly has no real understanding of the gravity of the situation, who honestly feels like he's been a victim in this process as well, and has yet to develop a really clear sense of what domestic/dating violence is.

some of the teaser quotes released from the upcoming interview include brown's explanation that the difference between himself and his stepfather, who brutally battered his mom, is that his stepfather "enjoyed" beating his mom, and that there was a continuous pattern of abuse.

and... this point is supposed to illustrate the difference between the two? oh, for real?

chris brown also thinks that the show Oprah Winfrey did on domestic and dating violence right after he beat up Rihanna was "a slap in the face."

oh yes, he did.

he also said he wished she had been more helpful TO HIM while he was going through being the most hated american negro since OJ.

look, man. you seem to have lost perspective.

THIS is what a slap (and punch) to the face looks like:

Oprah doing a show about weakass woman beaters where she specifically tells the woman you've battered to stay away because "if he does it once, he'll do it again" is a PUBLIC SERVICE.

if he thought he felt a great deal of hatred when he first beat her, just wait until tomorrow when he is ravaged for his statements during his sit-down with Larry King.

They used to have a complex

2009-09-01T13:46:00.000-04:00

but then Martin Luther Chicken, Jr. marched across the street, asking the world to judge them not by the content of their weight, but by the delicious color of their skins!!

behold the deliciousness of the Black Skinned Chicken...what do you mean, EWWWWWW??

racist.

good day, sir.

2009-08-31T16:28:00.001-04:00

someone "close" to Chris Brown told him it would be a good idea to go on Larry King and show the world was a remorseless piece of crap he is. he is scheduled to appear on King's broadcast on September 2, to talk about the Rhianna beatdown from earlier in the year.

one of the money quotes floating around as a lead up to the clusterfuck interview, in which he claims to not remember hitting her, is this little gem:

"I'm in shock, because, first of all, that's not who I am as a person, and that's not who I promise I want to be. I just don't know what to think. I'm just like, wow...it's crazy to me."

it figures he wants to say he can't remember beating her in that car....it's not like i'd expect someone weak enough to hit girls to not show the temerity to go on television and say he just...can't...recall...that.

to whomever it was who convinced him that doing this interview, in which he is obviously going to come across like a clueless douchebag, would be a good career move, i say well played.

let's just hope he remembers where he's supposed to show up to do his community service.

i'm not usually this type of girl...but....

2009-08-27T16:13:00.002-04:00

Intimidator...i think i love you. will you marry me? Let's meet in south carolina, next spring.

ok?

or fix it second...or third....

2009-08-26T16:10:00.003-04:00

poor dear, why doesn't anyone have the heart to tell her??

stop it right now, and no!

2009-08-26T14:32:00.007-04:00

listen, i empathize with you. you lost the last 20 years of your life to crushing, horrifying drug addiction. it tore apart your life and ripped your relationships with your children to shreds. i get it: now you're clean and a girl just wanna have fun.

but.

what does any of that have to do with playing cooch-to-chest helicopter with a gay man in an Atlanta club?!

YOUR HAIRLINE, FRANKIE! YOUR HAIRLINE!!!

this cliche is here to stay!

2009-08-24T15:47:00.006-04:00

and now, we get down to it.

remember when you were in elementary school and adults tried to convince you that if someone of the opposite sex was being mean to you, that it should be overlooked because that just meant he or she liked you a whole lot?

now hold on Cindy Cynical-Pants! that may have sounded like some old blame shifting, DV-grooming, bullshit at the time but here's something to consider that puts it all in perspective:

over on Free Republic, the birthers are talking about how they wanna check out the President's penis!

hoosiermama:

The only other thing that hit me was that Sinclair said BO was not circumcised. When my son was born in a hospital that was done as a matter of routine without even consulting us. Would the same be for Hawaii? OTOH People born at home or in some other cultures are not circumcised.

thecodont:

A relative of mine was born (in a hospital) a couple of years after BO's alleged birth date. He was circumcised also (as a matter of routine, not according to any family request).

afraidfortherepublic:

My son was born in June of 1961 in a hospital in CA, and the nurses released us because of miscommunication in a day and a half before the circumcision was done. We had to go back to the doctor’s office to have it done a week later, and the doctor was NOT HAPPY. My second son was born in the same hospital 4 years later. I don’t remember them asking me about it. Routine procedure for little boys.

hoosiermama:

Wish we had someone to make a phone call to the hospitols in HI and ask if they routinely do circumcism and when that practice started.

MHGinTN:

You might want to make that call to a Canadian hospital ...

MHGinTN:

No...it would have been in Kenya....not Canada.

Natural Born 54

I am having a vision of a court room scene. The judge turns to O sitting in the witness chair to his left and says “I am sorry, Mr. President, but I am going to have to ask you to stand and drop trou .....”

how porntastic is THAT? you can almost hear Natural Born 54's heavy breathing as he typed about his vision of seing Obama naked from the waist down.

actually, it kind of reminds me of something...

i cannot believe it's finally come to this, something i've often heard talked about within the black community but never actually seen outside of it. do the birthers really see nothing freakishly familiar about their belief that they have a right to see the President's sex organs???

i don't know about you, but this post-racial america is killing me on the inside.

about my mother

2009-08-19T13:41:00.007-04:00

Penman, Wilma J. - PENMAN Wilma J, 61, mother of Krystal Penman, died Sat. No services planned. Whitehall Funeral Home in charge of arrangements.
Published in the Lexington Herald-Leader on 8/21/2007

let me tell you a couple of funny stories. you wouldn't think a blog post that starts with an obituary would contain anything you'd want to laugh about, but just listen. But first, some background noise:

I grew up with my mom in a single parent household. One of my earliest memories of making sense of the mommy/kid dynamic was thus: when i got bigger, she'd get smaller until i was the adult and she was the kid. then we would switch turns and do it again. forever and ever. now in hindsight, i'm sure when i told my mother my thinking on how Things Worked, she probably shuddered a bit. Killing herself trying to keep our tiny ship afloat, do you think she really wanted to consider the fantasy of HAVING TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN???

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From early childhood through high school, she and I had a menagerie of pets. and by menagerie, i mean dogs and cats. with an occasional suicidal fish thrown in for good measure. one of the first dogs i got, i gleefully told her i wanted to name after my favorite chewing gum: Chicklets. a few hours later, she mentioned how great she thought the name Chicklets was for a dog. I looked at her and responded, in all seriousness "Chicklets???"

because little kids are lunatics, that's why!

She quickly reminded me "yes, dammit, Chicklets!" well, that jarred my memory.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My mom did some amazing things with her change and the help of some aunts: she sent me to Montessori and private school for a few elementary years. And kept us housed. and clothed. and fed. And when my public elementary school librarian (ms. livingston!) accused me of stealing a library book, causing my principal to refuse to give me my report card on the last day of school...and i came home and tearfully told my mother about it, she went to the school, cussed everyone out and got my report card.

She told me she'd never seen a person get as red in the face as my principal did when she leaned down on his desk and called him a dumb son-of-a-bitch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was also in elementary school that i informed her I wanted to play the violin. but my school only had about 5 violins and they were all gone before i could get one. So she got me one. and made payments on it. And when i showed promise, she paid for private lessons. In middle school, during our joint band and orchestra concert, I played a solo. My mom and an aunt were there supporting me the whole time. The next day at school, my language arts teacher (Miss Billie Davis) complained bitterly about the two people who were in the stands rudely talking during MOST of the performances.

take a guess who those two rude talkers were? and take a guess why my teacher decided to tell the class I was in about those rude talkers.

Hey, it's just as well my teacher decided to confront a 12 year old instead of my mother. by this time in my life, she'd left many an unhappy customer in her wake cussed out and very possibly threatened with physical violence. like the cashier at Sir Pizza....like the waitress at Frisch's....

no, i do know blame her one bit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I remember the first day of high school. i came home from school and told my mom all about my day and she gave me a big hug, telling me i was really growing up. i think i actually had a petit panic attack as she was holding me. i was growing up! life was changing! pretty soon i'd have to (gulp) GET OUT AND GET A JOB! the horror.

When prom season rolled around i ran to my mom with an edition of Cosmo and showed her the shimmery, fun, beaded mini-dress i wanted to find a replica of to make my night memorable. She looked at the dress, looked at me, and rolled her eyes. I was very serious! So was she...and a few weeks later, we went to the fabric store to buy material because one of my aunts was gracious enough to make my prom dress. We even found a Butterick pattern that didn't make me wanna throw up. and she got my shoes dyed, and she bought me accessories, and she did my hair. And i went to prom feeling like a million dollars.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What truly amazes me about how my mom raised me is how she did so much with so little. there was plenty of shopping at Gold Circle, Hills, McCrory's and the like. I remember one shopping trip at K-mart we were interrupted by loud arguing by two coworkers, fighting about who was working the hardest:

girl 1: "i've been working mah butt off, amanda! way harder than you!"

girl 2: "bull crap! i've been here since 4:00 working MAH butt off!"

wilma: "....that would explain why neither of them have butts."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My mom first got sick when i was a sophomore in college. i was 19 years old and remember telling my then boyfriend, as i prepared myself for her first surgery, that if anything went wrong i was not prepared to not have a mom. well, she had the surgery and she pulled through.

but more followed. bypasses. vein replacements. amputations. heart valve replacements. strokes. and finally, i found out after she died, a diagnosis of breast cancer.

she didn't tell me about that.

by the time she found out about that, i was chugging along in my twin pregnancy and she was asking me if i was okay and telling me i was strong and i could do this.

when my mom passed away, i found out at age 34 what i was afraid to know at age 19: i was not ready to be without a mom. and two years later, i still mourn almost everyday the fact that i can't just pick up the phone and talk to her about how much my life has changed, or ask her questions like what do you do about a baby's fever or how do you potty train without losing your mind.

i am saddened that she never got to meet the twins and inform me of the proper care and feeding of HER precious granddaughters. that she didn't get a chance to spend their first Christmas with them or talk to them or give them hugs and kisses.

but i have stories and i have pictures and i know people who knew and loved her, so in that respect, she's still right here with me. I see her every time i look at my own face. I see her every time Dixie asserts herself and opens a pint sized can of whoop ass on another toddler at daycare.

but mostly, i carry her with me every minute of every day. and she STILL gives me and my friends advice:

friend: he had the nerve to say i'm not black enough for him!

me: my mom would have said "why don't you kiss my ass and tell me what color it is, you dumb son-of-a-bitch!"

i've listed just a few of the reasons why my mom is so special to me and so very missed. i could go on for days with Wilma-isms that would have you rolling in the aisles.

for instance, did i ever tell you about the time when she was in her early 20s that she went out on a date and came home with her artfully drawn on eyebrows completely missing?

no?

Samuel Wertzenheimer Schmidt

2009-08-19T11:56:00.009-04:00

So Joe the Plumber....why yes, people ARE still talking to him...had something interesting he wanted to share regarding his frustration with Nancy Pelosi:

"Those kind of people, I usually took out behind the woodshed and just beat the livin' tar out of 'em."

let's deconstruct this statement shall we?

"Those kind of people.." - what kind of people would that be? women? say it ain't so, joe!

"i usually took out behind the woodshed" - is that what you usually did, Samuel? when did you stop? when they got restraining orders? when the ex moved to the battered women's shelter? when?

"and just beat the livin' tar out of 'em." - and so now we're from the south. can't you practically hear the drawl ratchet up as you read the words to yourself? now say it out loud. no you're ears are not deceiving you, you did just sound like Dolly Parton.

now, what did Nancy Pelosi do to inspire a threat of woodshedding from Joe? well, i dunno. maybe she had the audacity to have a man-type job instead of a lady-type job? you know, like one of those jobs whose title ends in the letters -ette?

word on the street is Joe the Unlicensed Plumber wants to run for public office. apparently he is taking the old down home approach of talking like he grew up in the mean streets of Appalachia. you know, the strategy that worked so well for Sarah Palin.

....or not.

all i can say is this: if i happen to see any political ads for this man where he is talking like an idiot and punctuating his statements by dropping a wink, i'll pluck my own damn eyes out.

They're Like Humans Except Different

2009-08-18T15:07:00.004-04:00

i was looking at a slideshow of a house owned by a woman i'd never even heard of until just now. which is unfortunate, because now i'm heaping scorn upon a person who i didn't even know existed until about 15 minutes ago.

petty, they name is Boca.

anyway, after clicking through this amazing opulent and depressing slideshow, i realized something...well, a couple of things:

my apartment is the size of a rich person's bathroom, and rich people tawk diffrant.

i like to think of myself as a person who can turn a phrase and whip out an SAT word on yo ass in a heartbeat....eponymous WHAT....but some of the words in this pictorial left me completely stumped.

for instance, what do these words mean?

- toile de Jouy

- Chinoiserie

- bargello

- yew

- allée

- pollarded

after reading these words and drawing a blank, i was so relieved to see that one of their horses is named "Sid." Sid. three letters that add up. S-I-D. it even looks like it's smiling at me.

put one check in the win column!

but how does it come to pass that a person down to earth enough to have a horse named Sid minced their way through an "allee of pollarded plane trees" in the freakin back yard???

then, i realized what was happening. these rich so and suches are speaking to each other in a special coded language that only sounds like clicks and whistles to my broke ass eardrums!

well fine FINE. i don't give a damn what they're talking about. and i DON'T care that Gela has curtains in her bathroom made from the court train of the Queen of Italy.

i have a shower curtain in my bathroom made from nightmares of Queen Anna.

do you think you could live my life, Gela?

do you?

oh, yes you are: part II

2009-08-16T21:06:00.003-04:00

and here we go again: people acting like racists while professing their lack of racism. let's apply this logic to other scenarios and see if it holds water, shall we?

- i force children to have sex, but i'm not a pedophile.

- i steal money from old people, but i'm not an amoral thief.

- i constantly tell lies, but i'm not a liar.

- i don't eat meat, but i'm not a vegetarian.

- i wear a self-contained underwater breathing apparatus and swim under the surface of the ocean, but i'm not a scuba diver.

nope....i still cannot seem to make this line of reasoning make even the slightest bit of sense.

but here's what i know for a fact:

the use of the word nigger is designed to strip the humanity from black people and is meant to remind them of the power differential between white and black races . even a person of no financial means or little education can and do use this word to let it be known that whiteness is more valued in this country.

this truth is the rationale behind the punchline to the old "joke" what do you call a black man with a Ph.D?

i'm tired of the old "i'm not (fill in the blank) but" shell game that people like to play. that game people play right before they tell the racist/sexist/homophobic/ xenophobic/generally fucked up "joke."

so to borrow Bill Maher's phrase, here's the new rule: if you don't want to be called a racist, stop doing and saying racist shit.

seems simple, right?

random Sunday

2009-08-16T20:41:00.002-04:00

i don't have anything particularly random to ponder today, but i didn't want to pass of the chance to post this picture from Trixie and Dixie's daycare.

those kids don't seem to realize that drinking and smoking ruins your looks. sadly, their bad habits have already made them look older: these kids are only 9 weeks old.

tragic.

Today's Moment in Deliciousness

2009-08-13T14:31:00.004-04:00

actually, let's take a few moments shall we?

this is Daniel Henney. he has made a couple big time movies. that showed in theaters. he also takes nice photos because he gets paid money to model. he also doesn't even speak Korean, which is totally perfect because neither do i.

which will totally make the dirty talk even easier!

oh, so THIS is music!

2009-08-12T15:41:00.002-04:00

turn off your radio and shake a tail feather to this.

Pop Quiz

2009-08-12T12:18:00.004-04:00

when you look at the cover of this YA book, what do you think it's about?

1) a young white female who has a credibility issue

2) a young white female who tells the truth and is branded a liar

3) a dark skinned african american female with natural hair who is a pathological liar

yeap, you guessed it!

old stuff

2009-08-10T13:31:00.004-04:00

i found an old blog i started working on about 4 years ago and dropped. most likely because i started picking up whiskey bottles instead.

and if ya know me, ya know what i'm talking about.

however, some of the posts i still like and so here they are!

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Militia Volunteers Needed

I read the news yesterday and found a story about a man from Canada who managed to make it into the country despite being stopped at the border with brass knuckes, a hatchet, a knife, and a bloody chainsaw. The border workers took his weapons, fingerprinted him, and waved him through to the US.

Well, I don't know about you, people, but this proves what I have long suspected:We need us some extra protection from the Canadian Jihad.

Right now in this country we have volunteers avidly watching portions of the Mexican/Texas border to make sure all the low paying, no benefits-having, menial, physical labor remains safe and stays in the hands of those who deserve it most: poor Americans.

But I'm telling you, we have got to start taking greater steps to verify citizenship to protect ourselves from the Threat from the North.

It's a rather simple things to do:If you happen to encounter a person who is White, Indian, Amerindian, Black, Asian, Arab, Hispanic, Latino, or of mixed race/ethinicty, who is Catholic, Christian, Baptist, Methodist, Seventh Day Adventist, Muslim, Buddist, Taoist, Presbyterian, Church of Chirst, or Athiest: check their papers!

He or she might be an "illegal alien" bent on world domination...One bloody chainsaw at a time.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

The Worthy Victim
FROM AN INTERVIEW WITH Paul Longmore, 1997

"The problem of modern social welfare policies in the 19th and 20th centuries comes to be how do you define, how do you identify, who's worthy of relief and who's unworthy?... There's an assumption that there are going to be a lot of people who are trying to manipulate the system ...There are two assumptions in the phrase "worthy poor," I think. One is that there are unworthy poor people, who, it's assumed, are poor because of some kind of willfulness, perversity, laziness, refusal to be productive and support themselves. The other assumption is, that the so-called worthy poor are people who are incapacitated and incapable of supporting themselves, probably due to sickness, disability, or old age. And what happens, more and more as time goes on, is that those so-called worthy poor are in their own way stigmatized.

"When it comes to celebrity justice, what we are really talking about is whether or not the purported victim is as perfect as the public relations and media juggernaut has tricked most people into thinking the celebrity on trial is. And if you are a person of even a teaspoon of depth, you can readily admit that you ain't perfect. So if you aren't perfect, and you have done dirt in your past...or not so distant past...like yesterday...then you need to understand that proving you were victimized by a celebrity is about as likely as Paris Hilton admitting "Yep, I'm racist... and I think That's Hot." http://www.nydailynews.com/news/gossip/story/237171p-203602c.html

Some of the people who have made recent high profile claims of victimization at the hands of celebrities have bene vilified for not being worthy of their victimization.

- R. Kelly makes a tape having sex with a little girl and everyone wants to know "where was her mama" and talk about how "young girls today are fast and think they're grown."

- Mike Tyson is accused of raping a beauty pageant contestant in Indiana and everyone wants to know "why'd she go to his hotel room in the middle of the night?"

- Robert Blake is accused of shooting his wife to death in their car with his gun after dinner and people want to know "how did a con artist like her make it this far before getting whacked?"

- Mystikal gets accused and convicted of forcing his hairstylist to perform oral sex on him and several of his friends on tape and people ask "why'd she do it? shiiiit, they'd have had to kill me!"

- Kobe Bryant is accused of raping a hotel employee and people asked "why did she go to his hotel room?" but not many asked "why was her blood on Kobe's t-shirt?"

We need to start being honest with ourselves and admit that what most juries appear to be looking for is the perfect victim, someone "worthy" of the benefit of the doubt. And then we need to be okay with the fact that rarely there is a victim that fits the profile of perfect. Maybe then juries can start dispensing justice instead of character indictments.

But until that day, we are saddled with a system in which jurors can say on national television "well, yes, i beleive he's a child molestor, but i don't think he molested THIS particular kid...because this kid's mother is crazy" and think that doesn't make them sound like crackheads.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

National Medical Records Database or The Day my Life Insurance got Cancelled

Senators Frist and Clinton are sponsoring a bill that would create a national database for medical records. They argue that this is a great thing and would increase the quality of healthcare because medical care providers would have ready access to a patient's complete medical chart without having to wait for records to arrive by mail and without having to worry about using incomplete health data.

But we also live in a society where banks can't keep people from stealing our account information and taking our money.

And we live in a society where the government wants ready and unchecked access to our private information to aid in the War on Terror.

And we live in a society where John Ashcroft attempted to gain access to the medical records of women who had abortions performed at a particular medical facility.

And we live in a society where Secret Service workers show up at your job, ask to speak to your boss and family members in an attempt to kindly pursuade you to remove some posts from your website.

And we live in a society where a student loan company started sending me bills that actually belonged to a woman who had the same name but different social security number.

Call me a cynic...please....but i can't help but feel like if this national database happens, there are going to be people who will have to prove that they don't really have histoplasmosis in order to get AFLAC coverage.

With the time and effort it takes to restore your name and credit once your identity has been stolen, what the hell would it take to refute and correct an error in your health chart?!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

65 million reasons why Brazilians ROCK!

Digging a tunnel in southern Brazil, complete with electricity for better visibility, from a house to a bank vault and making off scott free with $65 million dollars!The next time someone complains about not being able to bring him or herself to complete a simple task like folding laundry, tell them yes they can...and then tell them to shut the hell up.

But one thought: If you steal $65 million in Brazil, where do you go next?

Because if I got away with that much money...I'd go to Brazil!

Saturday, August 20, 2005

One for My Homies!

This is a special post for my friends who think I take things too seriously, don't know how to enjoy life, busy myself with politics too much, and/or need to lighten up:I give you my light-hearted post:

I saw a really cute pair of shoes today at the mall! I didn't get them, but I am thinking I'm definitley going back to get them tomorrow.

I wonder if that skirt I bought last week makes my butt look big...enough.

Do you like my hair better curly or straight?

I went to see Red Eye. Cillian Murphy has the bluest eyes in the world! And he is just weird enough that I would DEFINITLEY date him...you know, if he was into black chicks. and i didn't have a boyfriend.

The price per barrel of crude is so FUCKED UP...i mean....gas costs so much lately, i almost didn't have enough money to go to the club after filling up. haha. (...close one.)

now that i have given back to the masses, I can now feel welcome to resume my politically motivated, sarcasm laced postings.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

man! i was alot of fun four years ago! i would love to go back in time and take myself out for a DRANK!

...and i would still like mr. cillian murphy to ring me up!!

An Officer Acting Stupidly

2009-08-06T09:08:00.007-04:00

ok, let's start from the beginning: a Boston police officer is suspended with pay for forwarding an email which referred to henry louis gates as a "banana-eating jungle monkey."

he apologizes for the email, saying he's not a racist, he's just prejudiced against people who behave the way professor gates behaved.

so basically, what's he saying is: "I'm not prejudiced against black people, i just don't like niggers!"

and as if things weren't bad enough, he does the absolutely absurd: he hires an attorney and sues!!

BOSTON, Massachusetts (CNN) -- A Boston police officer is suing the city after he was suspended for referring to a black Harvard professor as a "banana-eating jungle monkey" in an e-mail."If I'm charged with a crime I want a chance to answer. I want the chance for a fair hearing," Officer Justin Barrett told CNN on Tuesday.

Barrett has apologized and denied he is a racist.

His lawsuit claims his civil rights have been violated; Barrett's lawyer said the words referring to Henry Louis Gates, Jr. were misinterpreted.

"The choice of words were poor; but they weren't meant to characterize professor Gates as a banana-eating jungle monkey," attorney Peter Marano said. "They were meant in a response to behavior and characterizing the behavior. Not the person as a whole."

Marano said the city had effectively fired Barrett, though he is officially suspended with pay.
He said it was fair to hold Barrett to a higher standard than the general public because he is a police officer, but that he was still entitled to express his opinions.

"Being held to a higher standard shouldn't eradicate his right under the First Amendment for free speech. That is part and parcel of the lawsuit," the lawyer said.

oh, so he he thinks his civil rights have been violated because he was reprimanded by being suspended with pay for sending a racist email. he's being victimized because he's the true face of racial discrimination these days!

just ask Pat.

isn't it funny that some people always seem to think protection under the first amendement should somehow extend to not having to face the consequences of their speech?

amazing.

Of course she's not

2009-08-05T15:26:00.004-04:00

so it turns out Karrine Steffans is not married. and she abuses her son. and she's like a stripper with a brain. and she's too messed up for even BOBBY BROWN to deal with. and she calls reporters from her cell phone and then hides it under the pillow so they hear the whole thing while she's having sex....are you PROUD of yourself, Tom Brokaw!!

so....do you think this will affect her talking points that she wrote this book because now that she's a married woman with two kids, she has some advice to share on how to find and keep a man???

meh, prolly not.

The Genesis of Quirky

2009-08-05T11:31:00.003-04:00

and that's when Chloe Sevigny* decided to start making picture movies.....

*no that's not really chloe sevigny!

Facebook is the Graveyard of Dreams.

2009-08-05T10:22:00.003-04:00

submitted without comment.

random Sunday

2009-08-02T22:19:00.002-04:00

- i wonder if the birthers, who claim the Prez's Hawaiian birth certificate is fake are going to be equally pissed about the fact that Crazy Orly Taitz coughed up this totally faked Republic of Kenya birth certificate? nah, of course not.

- a mere 24 hours after asking "whatever happened to tempest bledsoe" i found out that she and her boyfriend are going to be on a new reality show called Househubands of Hollywood. they aren't married and they don't have kids. but he's a hollywood househusband. funny: in my neck of the woods, we call that a Lazy Ass Man Who Won't Work.

- if i took a national poll, what percentage of americans have screwed themselves over renting movies from red box?

- if they didn't take any naps all day today, why are trixie and dixie still awake at 10:42 pm?! this reminds me of the horror that was my maternity leave....please, i'm so tired. so very tired.

- how can i get will demps to notice me?

....i can do that.

- how do you pronounce acai? ah-kye? ah-see? ah-say? ah-sye-ee? fraud?

- WHY ARE THEY STILL AWAKE??

Instant Karma

2009-07-31T21:53:00.003-04:00

the old folks like to say "God don't like ugly."

here's what that looks like in action....

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

cockadoodle-dont

2009-07-29T20:41:00.005-04:00

ever had an experience where you tried out a new look and thought you were bringing down the house with your glitz and glam, only to later find out that even though people told you that you looked fabulous, in actuality, they thought you looked like dookie?

this is what that experience looks like:

*sigh*

Today's moment in Deliciousness with a side order of This Don't Even Make Good Sense!

2009-07-27T21:05:00.003-04:00

mr. tj holmes has been unseated. my new favorite piece of delicious is Will Demps.

sweet baby jesus' blanket, this dude right here is....perfect.

and i'm moving to Texas.

like dropping acid and then riding on a roller coaster inside a bucket of paint laced with ecstacy.

2009-07-24T23:11:00.002-04:00

i say this to say: i just may go see this one.

A Pimp Called Govnah Sanford: Part II

2009-07-24T16:19:00.004-04:00

awwww, yeah! a pimp is back and his pimp game is still proper!

look at what this slick tongued devil did NOW!

LONDON, July 23 (UPI) -- South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford and his wife and children arrived in London Thursday for a two-week vacation, a Sanford spokesman said.

Spokesman Joel Sawyer said the vacation was planned before Sanford's admission he had an affair. The family is to return August 5.

It is the Republican governor's third trip out of the state since admitting to an affair in June, Politico reported.

"It's not unusual for the governor to take some time away in the summer with his family," Sawyer said. "He will be in contact with other state officials and staff throughout the trip, and will continue conducting the business of the state."

Sanford and his wife, Jenny, said they are trying to heal their marriage after the affair the governor admitted this summer.

"I've apologized for that mistake," Sanford said of the affair. "I've said all I'm going to say on that one. Life and the choices that we make begin each day anew."

i think it's pretty clear at this point that the people who voted in SC (yes, still all 19 of them) actually got saddled with Uncle Traveling Matt.

Of course she did

2009-07-24T15:54:00.003-04:00

Kerrine Steffans was on the Hoda and Kathy Lee Wasted an Hour of My Life Today Show recently talking about about her newest book. she has written about how to find, seduce, and keep a man.

of course she did.

anyhoo, she called herself giving Hoda, who she called "mature," some relationship advice. allow me to paraphrase:

if you don't slow down your bossy ways and let a man be a man, you are gonna end up alone for the rest of your life because no man will want you.

oh, yes she did.

Hoda made this what in the F face when Karrine said this that basically summed up my thoughts: superhead finally got eddie winslow to marry her and now she thinks she's in a position to give Hoda Muhfkn Kotb DATING...WAIT... ANY ADVICE???

"i'm super smart! and i'm very witty!" - actual quote

Karrine "i put my man's anal beads on blast in a video i posted to the internet" Steffans?

Karrine "i wrote not one but two books about how i had sex with anything moving in the rap game but i'll get pissed if you mention it now" Steffans?

well, alrighty then. Karrine Steffans is now an expert on relationships because she's handled more dick than a 900 year old rabbi.

sure. i'll buy that for a dollar.

no.

2009-07-20T15:02:00.003-04:00

you should never never never never never NEVA let someone who's make-up looks like that be your make-up artist.

that's monica, that's christian, those are blue contacts, and i'll be damned.

random Sunday

2009-07-19T21:12:00.003-04:00

- am i the only person who say that infomercial where the guy soaked up spilled soda and then wrung it back into a glass because times are hard???

- why don't the "your baby can read" people realize that memorizing a word and being able to actually read the word are totally different? i mean, after $200, can they tell us the baby will be able to spell?

- how come no one is actually happy to see cops until they get punched in the head by a mugger?

- are people mad about what pat buchanan said or the reason he said it?

- so how about beating your wife with a belt is a class A misdemeanor in TX...but killing dog brings serious prison time.

- two words: keri hilson!!!!

(negative points for getting knocked on her face and having kanye and ne-yo fighting over her...)

- if the work week consists of 40 hours, at what hour will i be able to say i have had a coworker talk crazy to me this week? 4? 2? 27?

- if arturo gatti's wife strangled him to death with the strap of her purse, shouldn't she get his championship belt by default?

scariest thing i've seen today!

2009-07-19T13:08:00.002-04:00

the driver is 16, the passenger is 17, the odometer says 60 mph, and they are on the highway.

*spasm*

What's WRONG with these people?

2009-07-18T12:01:00.001-04:00

being black trumps being an insect.

Finally, we see the faces of those discriminated against

2009-07-17T13:05:00.004-04:00

were you wondering why 108 out of 110 supreme court appointees have been white men? it's because white men built this country, that's why!

"built," of course, being open to operational definition.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

i for one am relieved we have finally seen the faces of those who are unjustly victimized by the evil that is affirmative action. if only someone would tell all these white women to stop hogging up all the opportunities that rightly belong to white men!

oops. cat's outta the bag...

where you at, Pat?

Today's Moment in Deliciousness with a side order of UNHAND HIM!

2009-07-17T11:42:00.004-04:00

Q-Tip is coming out with a book and it is not possible for me to give less of a damn about what he wants to talk about. but i would still kiss him until his fingertips turned blurple.

and Erykah, i see you! i ain't scared of you, neither. i got some high heels. i got some glasses. nobody wants to hear me sing, either!*

not scared of you.

*jokes people, reLAX.

Friday Songs for Happy Making

2009-07-17T09:31:00.005-04:00

Editrix Note: not to imply these are necessarily happy songs. they just happen to make me happy. listener discretion advised.

how dare you not see anything wrong with this!

2009-07-15T15:45:00.004-04:00

Senator Kyl is outraged that Sonia Sotomayor isn't distressed that...she's not....a white male?

whattha!

"...I don't know exactly what the difference will be in my judging but I accept that there will be some based gender and my Latina heritage." You said that you weren't encouraging that. And you talked about how we need to set that aside, but you didn't in your speech say that this is not good. We need to set this aside. Instead you seem to be celebrating it. The clear inference is it's a good thing that this is happening.

So that's why some of us are concerned, first with the [?] [?] in his speech and then this article. It would lead someone to the conclusion that (a) you understand it will make a difference; and (b) not only are you not saying anything negative about that, but you seem to embrace that difference, in concluding that you'll make better decisions. That's the basis of concern that a lot of people have. Please take the time you need to respond to my question.

so....what IS the answer to the question of "why are you celebrating your differences instead of setting them aside?"

my knee-jerk response is "yo mama."

Michael Steele, my friend warned me about you.

2009-07-15T13:34:00.006-04:00

i have a good friend from Maryland who told me months ago, while discussing Michael Steele, that that dude is a boot-licking uncle Tom bastard. I'm paraphrasing, but you catch her drift....

i have friends of different races. i have even been accused, tried, and convicted of liking "white music," and will admit that i have kissed the lips of the Caucasian male and lived to tell the tale!

but one of the things that stick in my craw is the black person who loves their white friends to the point where they feel like they have to start making racist jokes to fit in. it not only begs the question of where is the self-love and self-respect, but also....

why don't you have better quality white friends?

CHECK out this coon right here!

"Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele told a group of young Republicans that he would reach out to black voters by offering them fried chicken and potato salad. Asked by a blogger how he would reach out to "diverse populations," Steele said: "My plan is to say 'Y'all come,' because a lot of you are already here." After someone in the audience said, 'I'll bring the collard greens,' Steele added, 'I got the fried chicken and potato salad."'

because ya see, black folks are so easily swayed and unthinking, we can have our entire political ideology shifted by fried chicken, collard greens, and potato salad.

that's how the GOP got Steele. well, that and they gave him a white girl.

A Pimp Called Govnah Sanford

2009-07-15T12:08:00.006-04:00

i told my boss a few weeks ago, i said "boss! boss man! i need to take the week off with pay because i need to take my snuggle honey bunny outta town for some across state lines nookie, ya know what i'm saying!" and my boss said "bitch! you are not on break, so stop talking to me! now get back to work!"

true story.

which is why i gotta get a job like Mark Muthafuckin Sanford!!

bailamos, let the rhythm take you over, bailamosssssss.....

COLUMBIA, S.C. -- South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford has canceled his schedule this week to take a personal trip with his wife, three weeks after announcing his affair with an Argentine woman.
Spokesman Joel Sawyer said Wednesday the governor would be taking off the rest of this week for a trip out of state with first lady Jenny Sanford.
The Sanfords spent the July Fourth weekend in Florida, where Jenny Sanford's parents live. The governor and first lady were married in Florida 20 years ago. They have said they are trying to reconcile.
Sanford left the state June 18, returning six days later. He admitted to an extramarital affair with a woman he called his "soul mate" and said he misled his staff into thinking he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail.
Sawyer says state meetings Sanford had scheduled this week have been postponed until next week.

he is so fortunate that the business of running a state hasn't gotten in the way AT ALL with his and his wife's and his soul-mate's love lives.

but i think we can all agree, the voters (yes, all 19 of them) of South Carolina are the luckiest of all!

Vitiligo?

2009-07-14T15:53:00.003-04:00

welp. that explains the blond hair and nose job.

don't nobody say nothing else about MJ!

oh. well. thanks for answering that for me.

2009-07-13T19:39:00.002-04:00

not long after i posted the question, Macon D gives the answer.

oh, yes you are.

2009-07-13T09:42:00.001-04:00

why is it that racists are always trying to hedge and say they're not racist while saying something clearly racist?

Random Sunday

2009-07-12T19:14:00.002-04:00

"Waiting for Sunday" by Rosalie W. Vass

nothing particularly random to share to start the week. but it's a good excuse to share a nice painting anyway.

I'm Back, Bitches!

2009-07-10T16:16:00.006-04:00

so it's come to this:

2 thousand people in ireland had something to drink, staggered into the woods, and found the virgin mary chillin in a tree trunk. i know what you're thinking. you're thinking "what's up with inanimate objects, mary? potato chips, grilled cheese, storefront windows, now this...would it kill you to show up on some chick's face once in a while?"

"nope. that's not what we meant."

well, here's to the believers who found hope in a tree stump. the way things are going lately, i guess anywhere you can get it, you should grab up the hope and i mean quickly.

assholes and pool tables.

2009-07-10T13:01:00.003-04:00

how about a little more Us versus Them humor, with a twist of racism and classism?

i stumbled across this juxtaposition earlier on a humor blog. and while i can agree the first video is blood-curdling in it's ridiculousness....the second video made a point i'm not entirely comfortable with laughing about.

the humor blog i found this on describes the next video as such:

This evening (Tosh) had a segment called “Whites Rule”.

Tosh.0

Thurs, 10pm / 9c

Reviewing Tosh's Assets

http://www.comedycentral.com/

Daniel Tosh

Miss Teen South Carolina

Demi Moore Picture

so if this is whiteness, then the earlier video is blackness, right?

i am in now way saying that the actions of the kid in the first video made any sense at all. after a while i was beginning to wonder if he was gonna pull a stack out of his hat and his ass crack.

but what makes this not even funny to me is that in order to really find the second video funny, it seems like you gotta act like something very major and important happened in this country that laid the foundation for the difference in thinking with regards to wealth building, capitalism, and education.

i had almost the same reaction recently while watching a commercial for Lowe's or Home Depot, which showed a WWII era veteran and his family moving into their first home. the commercial showed that through it all, Lowe's has been there for the family.

the veteran and his family in the commercial were white, which isn't too surprising. but what stood out to me is that during that time period, when GIs were coming back from war and were buying homes, there were whole subdivision that would not sell to black GIs. it didn't matter that they had just found for this country, they weren't allowed to live in lovely houses in the suburbs like the whites.

now if i know that, wouldn't you think that someone at the ad agency that made the commercial knew that too?

so all this being said, i think i'll be missing Tosh.0 on Comedy Central. i'm pretty sure his jokes are gonna leave me a little cold.

just yer average day at the county fair

2009-07-08T10:27:00.003-04:00

sexy woman right there.

2009-07-07T11:36:00.003-04:00

why did michael jackson marry robin williams?

damn, mike. just....damn.

What's WRONG with these People??

2009-07-07T11:27:00.003-04:00

Audra Sigler Shay and some of her friends, using some of that "humor" them Republicans love so much. Eric S. Piker really cracks her up.

oh, and Jill Catterton, i see you. shopping at walmart and looking down your nose at the "Obama faces."

Click this right here! (and don't forget to enlarge)

can ya still call social services when the kid is over 18?

2009-07-06T20:03:00.003-04:00

last weekend, i decided to watch Brooke Knows Best. i had never seen the show but i found myself watching it this weekend because it came on, i was lying on the couch, and the remote was in the kitchen.

taking all of those facts into account, i quickly deduced that watching the show didn't sound as undesirable as getting up and walking across the room. i would imagine that the Hogans have laziness to thank for much of the show's ratings.

so, lucky lucky me, i happened to see the episode in which Hulk Hogan introduced his daughter to his new girlfriend. because, ya see, Hulk and Linda have separated and hooked up with new people. Linda, much to the irritation of Hulk and Brooke, has been jumping up and down on a 19 year old boy who went to high school with Brooke.

but at no time at all during this episode did anyone blink, give a double take, or openly retch at the fact that the Hulk is basically effing his daughter.

Hulk and Brooke, Hulk and Jennifer....er, wait. wait. meh, i dunno.

listen i can totally empathize with Brooke's feelings. it cannot be easy to watch your mom have an affair with someone not even of legal age while living in the house you spent much of your childhood. but for the life of me, i cannot understand why NO ONE is pointing out how wrong this situation right here is!

"i have no idea why people say we look alike!" "who put this talking mirror beside me!!"

during this episode, Hulk invited Brooke and Jennifer out to dinner to introduce them, telling them repeatedly how much they had in common! Jennifer works for Delta, Brooke flies Delta (Continental, she answers dryly), Jennifer love the sun, Brooke loves the Sun, Jennifer loves the outdoors, Brooke loves the outdoors...

the hair on my neck was standing up waiting for the "Jennifer looks like Brooke, Brooke looks like Jennifer, Jennifer looks at my dick...."

no, my mind cannot complete the sentence.

so, i don't know, in my opinion having sex with a girl who looks like your kid is WAY worse than having sex with someone else's 19 year old kid. but here' s something to consider:

is it possible, Jennifer, that Hulk is with you because you look like a younger version of Linda?

i bet that pisses her off more than looking like Brooke.