Adult Swim Can Kiss My Entire Ass.

as many of my friends now, i am and have been for some time a cartoon addict. now back in the day, i used to watch Cartoon Network regularly, no matter what time of day it was. And trust, i get it honest, because there were many times when my mother and i would have rousing conversations about Cow and Chicken.

however, for the most part i find myself only watching after 11 pm, just in time for Adult Swim. now for those of you who don't know, Adult Swim signifies the programming that is more adult themed.

and i love it.

or, at least i did.

a few things happened this week that certainly harshed my buzz. now, i'm not sure if i'm going to boycott Cartoon Network altogether (as noted in the strongly worded letter i will most likely send), or if i'm just going to stop watching the particular shows that i find problematic.

the day before yesterday i was watching Robot Chicken, an animated show that has stop action dolls instead of traditional animation. each episode runs about 15 mintues and consists of a series of short gags separated by television static, giving the impression that you're channel surfing.

the scene that made me say "oh, damn. really, Adult Swim?" was a parody of The Giving Tree. it showed a selfish little boy making the Giving Tree give him an apple because he was hungry, shade because he was hot, etc. The then boy grows up and demands that the tree give him wood to build a house. The man then starts chopping off branches from the tree, while the tree is all like "ouch! ow! hey!" and shit.

finally the man comes to the tree and asks for something else, and the tree directs him to another tree....the man walks over to that tree and starts demanding something. then, the second tree grabs the man, turns him around, pulls his pants down showing his arse, and riiiiight before we see the sodomy...the first tree says "oh, that's the Rape Tree!"

get it? rape happens to men who totally deserve it as retribution for wrongdoing. that's why we want men to go to prison!

ha ha ha?

and then, last night, not to be outdone, Aqua Teen Hunger Force took Adult Swim to an all new level of "WHAT IN THE FUCK AM I EVEN WATCHING RIGHT NOW"-ness, the likes of which i haven't experienced since that episode Metalocalypes where the escaped inmate ate a live baby. Yes, That Really Happened.

anyway.

in this particular episode (and bear with me, it's gonna sound crack-crazy), Frylock, Master Shake, and Meatwad were in a Scooby Doo cartoon with a girl named Tabitha who was playing Velma. Well, they were running from the Number 100, who had a diabolical plan for the team. When Number 100's plans were foiled, he headbutted Tabitha to make her shut up and then came up with an alternative plan...



"well....can i at least take her into the woods, rape her, and behead her, possibly not even in that order?"

"uh....jeenkies?"

(laugh track)

"i don't know man...better not...she came with the van..."

(laugh track)

seriously? am i serioulsy seeing this?

and the part where the Number 100 carries her off into the woods and you can hear her crying....is this when the hilarious rape happens or the hilarious beheading?

now, it's one thing that the douchbag writers of these shows would act as if they have no idea that rape is a, oh i don't know, LIFE SHATTERING VIOLENT CRIME...as opposed to a subject to make a lame ass joke about. it's quite another thing for the poeple responsible for approving content  for broadcast to allow these shows to air with this content.

i mean, it's not like they'd expect people who have surivived rape to watch these shows....or even expect people who know someone who was raped and murdered..."possibly not even in that order"....to watch these shows either. right?

and i'm not even going to talk about the children who watch Cartoon Network during the day who may be rape victims too.

well, i think i've decided how i'm going to handle this situation. as much as i love watching old episodes of King of the Hill and Family Guy, TBS shows them too so whatever, mufukahs.

i'll be sure to update you as to how Cartoon Network responds to my email, if they respond at all.