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Saturday, August 6, 2011

I love that Stupid Cat.

I love cats. And i love making up ridiculous songs. Which means this video is my dream come true. Few things have moved me in quite the same way as this video. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

She's the Type.

The internet is talking about Nicki Minaj and the recent "incident" she was involved in last month. It appears that on July 12, police officers were called to the hotel Minaj was staying in due to a report made by a hotel employee. A police report was made regarding an assault and Minaj refused to press charges.

And then she denied it. She pulled a straight Sarah Palin and said that the reporting of the incident was inaccurate and blamed the media. Which was wack, but whatever.


Welp, so much for denying it happened. In the call you can hear The Minaj asking the man "why did you hit me" and also later saying "look what he did to my face!" The police report has also been released of the incident, stating that after receiving treatment, she refused to press charges. And what is her response to this info becoming public?

"get off of my penis."

The way this whole thing has played out has been depressingly typical. Woman gets assaulted, woman seeks help, woman gets help, woman denies the incident even happened. It happens like this for many women in abusive relationships up until the day they are finally able to get away from the relationship. But what i did not see coming, was the opinion many people have that it is not at all surprising that she would be a victim of domestic violence.

And the lack of surprise isn't couched in the knowledge that Hip-Hop can be insanely misogynistic. No, apparently, she just "seems like the type who would be with an abusive guy."

Okay, now do what?

Here's why this line of thinking is problematic:

1) it assumes that there is a specific type of woman who is victimized in relationships and a type of woman who isn't. just so long as you stay on the right side of the fence, you shouldn't have any problems, right?

2) it takes all responsibility of the incident out of the hands of the man (who typically abuses) and places it on the woman, because she CHOSE to be with an abusive man. because she's the type.

3) it ignores the dynamics of abusive relationships and the fact that abusers groom their victims into accepting the mistreatment by steadily escalating the objectionable behavior. Rarely does an abuser got from charming to fight to the face. It usually gradually escalates in severity and frequency.

Domestic violence is not particular. It can happen to any woman of any race or nationality, of any age, educational level, or profession. And to have people wave it away when it happens to certain women with a cynical "are we really surprised" is demoralizing and infuriating, as if there is a certain class of victim that requires scorn where others require sympathy.

Look around you: among every single woman you know, one or more of them have been assaulted or will be assaulted by an intimate partner.

So, I guess we are all The Type.

Monday, September 13, 2010

If you get the stitches then you have to do the dishes.

You know that moment when you are so hungry, the only think you can fixate on is eating that one meal that will make it all okay? the one meal that is going to make it the clanging and desperation in your stomach disappear...and then here comes someone messing it all up with their annoying bullshit and bothersome drama and screaming and running and blooWAIT WHAT?!?

Stanley Neace, a Kentucky Man Shoots, Kills Five over Wife’s Botched Breakfast

A man who was fighting his landlord over an eviction order to oust him from his home because of his explosive temper apparently went too far on Saturday.

Stanley Neace became upset over the way his wife had prepared his breakfast eggs so he shot her to death, together with his stepdaughter and three of his neighbors.

Trooper Jody Sims of the Kentucky State Police told the press that the 47 year old Neace murdered the five in Eastern Kentucky at about 11.30am on Saturday. He then went home and turned the gun on himself. Police found his body on the porch of his Jackson, KY trailer.

According to Sherri Ann Robinson, who is related to one of the shooting victims, the assailant was distressed over the way his breakfast was prepared and had scared his wife Sandra so much that she ran to a neighbor’s home for help.

Neace pursued his wife and in the end five people lay dead –his wife Sandra, her daughter also called Sandra, and neighbors Dennis Turner, Teresa Fugate and Tammy Kilborn.

wow. so "botched breakfast" is the new euphemism for "domsetic violence." that's a horrifying shame. i'm getting so sick and tired of these stories of men blanking out and taking violent measures against loved ones when all they're trying to do is eat some....pigs
Woman cuts drunk man while eating pigs' feet in bed, police say

Police in Rock Hill are investigating after they say a man eating pig's feet in bed was assaulted.

Officers with the Rock Hill Police Department were called out to a home along Twitty Court on Saturday, to the report of a man stabbed.

When officers arrived they spoke to the suspect, whose name has not been released, who says she was sitting in bed with Tommy Barber, 50, eating pig's feet.

While they were eating, the suspect told police the knife accidentally cut Barber, resulting in a deep cut on his arm.

Barber was unable to give officers a statement because he was highly intoxicated, the police report stated.

The suspect was charged with Assault and Battery of a High and Aggravated Nature. Police are still investigating the case.


look i'm not going to act like i haven't experienced severe food related disappointment. i'm not even going to go into the little "incident" in which i choked out a waitress at IHOP because i'd ordered my eggs fried hard but received them runny as snot. but that was the past. i've grown. and i'm still on probation.

anyhoo, i'm just saying that perhaps instead of shooting each other and stabbing each other and beating each other and detroying property over chicken nuggets...we should perhaps relax and put things in perspective.

i mean other than the eggs, none of this stuff was real food anyway. how you gonna cash someone's check over chum and partially hydrogenated fake chicken slabs?

no, we should all calm down and remember that there is only one thing worth maiming your fellow man over:


Friday, May 28, 2010

Adult Swim Can Kiss My Entire Ass.

as many of my friends now, i am and have been for some time a cartoon addict. now back in the day, i used to watch Cartoon Network regularly, no matter what time of day it was. And trust, i get it honest, because there were many times when my mother and i would have rousing conversations about Cow and Chicken.

however, for the most part i find myself only watching after 11 pm, just in time for Adult Swim. now for those of you who don't know, Adult Swim signifies the programming that is more adult themed.

and i love it.

or, at least i did.

a few things happened this week that certainly harshed my buzz. now, i'm not sure if i'm going to boycott Cartoon Network altogether (as noted in the strongly worded letter i will most likely send), or if i'm just going to stop watching the particular shows that i find problematic.

the day before yesterday i was watching Robot Chicken, an animated show that has stop action dolls instead of traditional animation. each episode runs about 15 mintues and consists of a series of short gags separated by television static, giving the impression that you're channel surfing.

the scene that made me say "oh, damn. really, Adult Swim?" was a parody of The Giving Tree. it showed a selfish little boy making the Giving Tree give him an apple because he was hungry, shade because he was hot, etc. The then boy grows up and demands that the tree give him wood to build a house. The man then starts chopping off branches from the tree, while the tree is all like "ouch! ow! hey!" and shit.

finally the man comes to the tree and asks for something else, and the tree directs him to another tree....the man walks over to that tree and starts demanding something. then, the second tree grabs the man, turns him around, pulls his pants down showing his arse, and riiiiight before we see the sodomy...the first tree says "oh, that's the Rape Tree!"

get it? rape happens to men who totally deserve it as retribution for wrongdoing. that's why we want men to go to prison!

ha ha ha?

and then, last night, not to be outdone, Aqua Teen Hunger Force took Adult Swim to an all new level of "WHAT IN THE FUCK AM I EVEN WATCHING RIGHT NOW"-ness, the likes of which i haven't experienced since that episode Metalocalypes where the escaped inmate ate a live baby. Yes, That Really Happened.


in this particular episode (and bear with me, it's gonna sound crack-crazy), Frylock, Master Shake, and Meatwad were in a Scooby Doo cartoon with a girl named Tabitha who was playing Velma. Well, they were running from the Number 100, who had a diabolical plan for the team. When Number 100's plans were foiled, he headbutted Tabitha to make her shut up and then came up with an alternative plan...

"well....can i at least take her into the woods, rape her, and behead her, possibly not even in that order?"


(laugh track)

"i don't know man...better not...she came with the van..."

(laugh track)

seriously? am i serioulsy seeing this?

and the part where the Number 100 carries her off into the woods and you can hear her this when the hilarious rape happens or the hilarious beheading?

now, it's one thing that the douchbag writers of these shows would act as if they have no idea that rape is a, oh i don't know, LIFE SHATTERING VIOLENT opposed to a subject to make a lame ass joke about. it's quite another thing for the poeple responsible for approving content  for broadcast to allow these shows to air with this content.

i mean, it's not like they'd expect people who have surivived rape to watch these shows....or even expect people who know someone who was raped and murdered..."possibly not even in that order" watch these shows either. right?

and i'm not even going to talk about the children who watch Cartoon Network during the day who may be rape victims too.

well, i think i've decided how i'm going to handle this situation. as much as i love watching old episodes of King of the Hill and Family Guy, TBS shows them too so whatever, mufukahs.

i'll be sure to update you as to how Cartoon Network responds to my email, if they respond at all.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Today's Moment in Deliciousness.

This guy right there.

I would like to think his personality is a wonderful as I imagined it to be. That would make the restraining order and probation for stalking totes worth it.

oh, who am i kidding....he could kill baby rabbits in his basement with a hammer while dressed in footie pajamas and a ukelele hanging on his back, and I'd be all like "there's something about him that just draaaaaaws me near."

yeah, that "something" is the horrible lack of wisdom which drives my libido. because fast on the heels of the previous thought would be "besides, anybody THAT damn crazy has GOT to be a freak!" but that's another story for another blog post....

anyhooo, here's Mr. Tasty-Tasty: Desmond Harrington

Saturday, April 3, 2010

it's been a wild month!

hi, how are ya? so much has happened since the last time we chatted, right?

Health Care Reform, Andrew Breitbart proving he's the shiniest tool in the box, a 15 year old pimpin out her 7 year old sisters, Demi getting pissed at Kim for saying she's Big Pimpin, Jesse James (the one married to Sandra, not my favorite one) proving himself to be a lowlife, two of the most beautiful people i can think of broke up (making my chest hurt for them because the kids would have been blindingly beautiful), Erykah making a bold statement and letting the haters prove her point, Tiger Woods' kindergarten teacher acting all butt hurt over some shit CHARLES BARKELY wrote about in a book nobody read a few years's been wild.

it's so much to talk about, i could be here all day trying to get it done. so i'm going to leave you with a few observations and a promise to blog more regularly:

1) I call Bullshit!

2) i love my Prez but WTF, man.

3) Erykah BaDONK.

4) a tidbit about instincts: unless you have a diagnosable imbalance, yeah, your instincts are probably on point. listen closely and act accordingly.

5) ChatRoulette? never leave me.

6) nothing says "damn this is a fine cup of joe" like patriarchal engagement/marriage rituals. The Best Part of Waking Up is Your Dad giving your Vajayjay Away!

that's all i got, faithful reader. until our next WTF moment...

Saturday, February 27, 2010

When is it cool to play the Race Card?

When you need it to convince women of color that you know what's best for them.

ATLANTA — For years the largely white staff of Georgia Right to Life, the state’s largest anti-abortion group, tried to tackle the disproportionately high number of black women who undergo abortions. But, staff members said, they found it difficult to make inroads with black audiences.

So in 2009, the group took money that it normally used for advertising a pregnancy hot line and hired a black woman, Catherine Davis, to be its minority outreach coordinator.

Ms. Davis traveled to black churches and colleges around the state, delivering the message that abortion is the primary tool in a decades-old conspiracy to kill off blacks.

Still, enough threads of truth weave through the theory to make “Maafa 21,” the documentary whose name is a Swahili word used to refer to the slavery era, persuasive to some viewers, at least at a recent screening at Morris Brown College, a historically black institution in Atlanta.

“Before we saw the movie, I was pro-choice,” said Markita Eddy, a sophomore. But were she to get pregnant now, Ms. Eddy said, “it showed me that maybe I should want to keep my child no matter what my position was, just because of the conspiracy.”   (Source)

There are so many crazy-making angles to how our society treats unwanted pregnancy, financially unprepared mothers, and poor families and children.

If you get pregnant when you didn't want to, then you're stupid because you shoulda used birth control; if you decide to terminate the pregnancy, you're a baby killer; if you have the baby even though you can't afford it and ask for help, you're a drain on the system and a welfare queen; if there is no room in your budget to pay off the medical bills incurred for your child's birth, your credit rating is going down; and if you try to move your broke ass into a good neighborhood, you're the reason crime goes up and property values go down...if you can find anyone to take your section 8 voucher.

but now, if you terminate a pregnancy, you're an unwitting part of a vast conspiracy to rid the world of black children.


instead of looking at the reasons why black women make up such a large percentage of women who choose pregnancy termination and address them, it's surely much easier to blame it racist conspiracy, the rain, and the ah-ah-ah-alcohol. because if the the focus is shifted to fake racist theory, the real questions about how and why institutional racism continues to negatively impact that lives of blacks are forgotten and pushed to the back burner. i'd be willing to bet that the majority of black women choosing pregnancy termination are also low-income.

while it's not really that surprising that the Pro-Life movement would try to appeal to blacks in this way, i do find it very interesting that it's suddenly OK to whip out that dreaded, hated, often duplicataed Race Card.

and by "interesting," i mean cynical and disingenuous.