Instant Karma

the old folks like to say "God don't like ugly."

here's what that looks like in action....

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

cockadoodle-dont

ever had an experience where you tried out a new look and thought you were bringing down the house with your glitz and glam, only to later find out that even though people told you that you looked fabulous, in actuality, they thought you looked like dookie?

this is what that experience looks like:






*sigh*

Today's moment in Deliciousness with a side order of This Don't Even Make Good Sense!

mr. tj holmes has been unseated. my new favorite piece of delicious is Will Demps.





sweet baby jesus' blanket, this dude right here is....perfect.

and i'm moving to Texas.

like dropping acid and then riding on a roller coaster inside a bucket of paint laced with ecstacy.

i say this to say: i just may go see this one.

A Pimp Called Govnah Sanford: Part II

awwww, yeah! a pimp is back and his pimp game is still proper!

look at what this slick tongued devil did NOW!

LONDON, July 23 (UPI) -- South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford and his wife and children arrived in London Thursday for a two-week vacation, a Sanford spokesman said.

Spokesman Joel Sawyer said the vacation was planned before Sanford's admission he had an affair. The family is to return August 5.

It is the Republican governor's third trip out of the state since admitting to an affair in June, Politico reported.

"It's not unusual for the governor to take some time away in the summer with his family," Sawyer said. "He will be in contact with other state officials and staff throughout the trip, and will continue conducting the business of the state."

Sanford and his wife, Jenny, said they are trying to heal their marriage after the affair the governor admitted this summer.

"I've apologized for that mistake," Sanford said of the affair. "I've said all I'm going to say on that one. Life and the choices that we make begin each day anew."

i think it's pretty clear at this point that the people who voted in SC (yes, still all 19 of them) actually got saddled with Uncle Traveling Matt.

Of course she did

Kerrine Steffans was on the Hoda and Kathy Lee Wasted an Hour of My Life Today Show recently talking about about her newest book. she has written about how to find, seduce, and keep a man.

of course she did.

anyhoo, she called herself giving Hoda, who she called "mature," some relationship advice. allow me to paraphrase:

if you don't slow down your bossy ways and let a man be a man, you are gonna end up alone for the rest of your life because no man will want you.

oh, yes she did.

Hoda made this what in the F face when Karrine said this that basically summed up my thoughts: superhead finally got eddie winslow to marry her and now she thinks she's in a position to give Hoda Muhfkn Kotb DATING...WAIT... ANY ADVICE???

"i'm super smart! and i'm very witty!" - actual quote

Karrine "i put my man's anal beads on blast in a video i posted to the internet" Steffans?

Karrine "i wrote not one but two books about how i had sex with anything moving in the rap game but i'll get pissed if you mention it now" Steffans?

well, alrighty then. Karrine Steffans is now an expert on relationships because she's handled more dick than a 900 year old rabbi.

sure. i'll buy that for a dollar.

no.

you should never never never never never NEVA let someone who's make-up looks like that be your make-up artist.

that's monica, that's christian, those are blue contacts, and i'll be damned.

random Sunday

- am i the only person who say that infomercial where the guy soaked up spilled soda and then wrung it back into a glass because times are hard???

- why don't the "your baby can read" people realize that memorizing a word and being able to actually read the word are totally different? i mean, after $200, can they tell us the baby will be able to spell?

- how come no one is actually happy to see cops until they get punched in the head by a mugger?

- are people mad about what pat buchanan said or the reason he said it?

- so how about beating your wife with a belt is a class A misdemeanor in TX...but killing dog brings serious prison time.

- two words: keri hilson!!!!



(negative points for getting knocked on her face and having kanye and ne-yo fighting over her...)

- if the work week consists of 40 hours, at what hour will i be able to say i have had a coworker talk crazy to me this week? 4? 2? 27?

- if arturo gatti's wife strangled him to death with the strap of her purse, shouldn't she get his championship belt by default?

scariest thing i've seen today!

the driver is 16, the passenger is 17, the odometer says 60 mph, and they are on the highway.

*spasm*

What's WRONG with these people?

being black trumps being an insect.

Finally, we see the faces of those discriminated against

were you wondering why 108 out of 110 supreme court appointees have been white men? it's because white men built this country, that's why!

"built," of course, being open to operational definition.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

i for one am relieved we have finally seen the faces of those who are unjustly victimized by the evil that is affirmative action. if only someone would tell all these white women to stop hogging up all the opportunities that rightly belong to white men!

oops. cat's outta the bag...

where you at, Pat?

Today's Moment in Deliciousness with a side order of UNHAND HIM!

Q-Tip is coming out with a book and it is not possible for me to give less of a damn about what he wants to talk about. but i would still kiss him until his fingertips turned blurple.




and Erykah, i see you! i ain't scared of you, neither. i got some high heels. i got some glasses. nobody wants to hear me sing, either!*

not scared of you.

*jokes people, reLAX.

Friday Songs for Happy Making

Editrix Note: not to imply these are necessarily happy songs. they just happen to make me happy. listener discretion advised.

how dare you not see anything wrong with this!

Senator Kyl is outraged that Sonia Sotomayor isn't distressed that...she's not....a white male?

whattha!

"...I don't know exactly what the difference will be in my judging but I accept that there will be some based gender and my Latina heritage." You said that you weren't encouraging that. And you talked about how we need to set that aside, but you didn't in your speech say that this is not good. We need to set this aside. Instead you seem to be celebrating it. The clear inference is it's a good thing that this is happening.

So that's why some of us are concerned, first with the [?] [?] in his speech and then this article. It would lead someone to the conclusion that (a) you understand it will make a difference; and (b) not only are you not saying anything negative about that, but you seem to embrace that difference, in concluding that you'll make better decisions. That's the basis of concern that a lot of people have. Please take the time you need to respond to my question.

so....what IS the answer to the question of "why are you celebrating your differences instead of setting them aside?"

my knee-jerk response is "yo mama."

Michael Steele, my friend warned me about you.

i have a good friend from Maryland who told me months ago, while discussing Michael Steele, that that dude is a boot-licking uncle Tom bastard. I'm paraphrasing, but you catch her drift....

i have friends of different races. i have even been accused, tried, and convicted of liking "white music," and will admit that i have kissed the lips of the Caucasian male and lived to tell the tale!

but one of the things that stick in my craw is the black person who loves their white friends to the point where they feel like they have to start making racist jokes to fit in. it not only begs the question of where is the self-love and self-respect, but also....

why don't you have better quality white friends?

CHECK out this coon right here!

"Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele told a group of young Republicans that he would reach out to black voters by offering them fried chicken and potato salad. Asked by a blogger how he would reach out to "diverse populations," Steele said: "My plan is to say 'Y'all come,' because a lot of you are already here." After someone in the audience said, 'I'll bring the collard greens,' Steele added, 'I got the fried chicken and potato salad."'

because ya see, black folks are so easily swayed and unthinking, we can have our entire political ideology shifted by fried chicken, collard greens, and potato salad.

that's how the GOP got Steele. well, that and they gave him a white girl.

A Pimp Called Govnah Sanford

i told my boss a few weeks ago, i said "boss! boss man! i need to take the week off with pay because i need to take my snuggle honey bunny outta town for some across state lines nookie, ya know what i'm saying!" and my boss said "bitch! you are not on break, so stop talking to me! now get back to work!"

true story.

which is why i gotta get a job like Mark Muthafuckin Sanford!!


bailamos, let the rhythm take you over, bailamosssssss.....


COLUMBIA, S.C. -- South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford has canceled his schedule this week to take a personal trip with his wife, three weeks after announcing his affair with an Argentine woman.
Spokesman Joel Sawyer said Wednesday the governor would be taking off the rest of this week for a trip out of state with first lady Jenny Sanford.
The Sanfords spent the July Fourth weekend in Florida, where Jenny Sanford's parents live. The governor and first lady were married in Florida 20 years ago. They have said they are trying to reconcile.
Sanford left the state June 18, returning six days later. He admitted to an extramarital affair with a woman he called his "soul mate" and said he misled his staff into thinking he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail.
Sawyer says state meetings Sanford had scheduled this week have been postponed until next week.

he is so fortunate that the business of running a state hasn't gotten in the way AT ALL with his and his wife's and his soul-mate's love lives.

but i think we can all agree, the voters (yes, all 19 of them) of South Carolina are the luckiest of all!

Vitiligo?

welp. that explains the blond hair and nose job.

don't nobody say nothing else about MJ!

oh. well. thanks for answering that for me.

not long after i posted the question, Macon D gives the answer.

oh, yes you are.

why is it that racists are always trying to hedge and say they're not racist while saying something clearly racist?

Random Sunday

"Waiting for Sunday" by Rosalie W. Vass

nothing particularly random to share to start the week. but it's a good excuse to share a nice painting anyway.

I'm Back, Bitches!

so it's come to this:



2 thousand people in ireland had something to drink, staggered into the woods, and found the virgin mary chillin in a tree trunk. i know what you're thinking. you're thinking "what's up with inanimate objects, mary? potato chips, grilled cheese, storefront windows, now this...would it kill you to show up on some chick's face once in a while?"



"nope. that's not what we meant."

well, here's to the believers who found hope in a tree stump. the way things are going lately, i guess anywhere you can get it, you should grab up the hope and i mean quickly.

assholes and pool tables.

how about a little more Us versus Them humor, with a twist of racism and classism?

i stumbled across this juxtaposition earlier on a humor blog. and while i can agree the first video is blood-curdling in it's ridiculousness....the second video made a point i'm not entirely comfortable with laughing about.



the humor blog i found this on describes the next video as such:

This evening (Tosh) had a segment called “Whites Rule”.

Tosh.0	Thurs, 10pm / 9c
Reviewing Tosh's Assets
http://www.comedycentral.com/
Daniel Tosh Miss Teen South Carolina Demi Moore Picture

so if this is whiteness, then the earlier video is blackness, right?

i am in now way saying that the actions of the kid in the first video made any sense at all. after a while i was beginning to wonder if he was gonna pull a stack out of his hat and his ass crack.

but what makes this not even funny to me is that in order to really find the second video funny, it seems like you gotta act like something very major and important happened in this country that laid the foundation for the difference in thinking with regards to wealth building, capitalism, and education.

i had almost the same reaction recently while watching a commercial for Lowe's or Home Depot, which showed a WWII era veteran and his family moving into their first home. the commercial showed that through it all, Lowe's has been there for the family.

the veteran and his family in the commercial were white, which isn't too surprising. but what stood out to me is that during that time period, when GIs were coming back from war and were buying homes, there were whole subdivision that would not sell to black GIs. it didn't matter that they had just found for this country, they weren't allowed to live in lovely houses in the suburbs like the whites.

now if i know that, wouldn't you think that someone at the ad agency that made the commercial knew that too?

so all this being said, i think i'll be missing Tosh.0 on Comedy Central. i'm pretty sure his jokes are gonna leave me a little cold.

just yer average day at the county fair

sexy woman right there.

why did michael jackson marry robin williams?



damn, mike. just....damn.

What's WRONG with these People??

Audra Sigler Shay and some of her friends, using some of that "humor" them Republicans love so much. Eric S. Piker really cracks her up.

oh, and Jill Catterton, i see you. shopping at walmart and looking down your nose at the "Obama faces."

Click this right here! (and don't forget to enlarge)

can ya still call social services when the kid is over 18?

last weekend, i decided to watch Brooke Knows Best. i had never seen the show but i found myself watching it this weekend because it came on, i was lying on the couch, and the remote was in the kitchen.

taking all of those facts into account, i quickly deduced that watching the show didn't sound as undesirable as getting up and walking across the room. i would imagine that the Hogans have laziness to thank for much of the show's ratings.

so, lucky lucky me, i happened to see the episode in which Hulk Hogan introduced his daughter to his new girlfriend. because, ya see, Hulk and Linda have separated and hooked up with new people. Linda, much to the irritation of Hulk and Brooke, has been jumping up and down on a 19 year old boy who went to high school with Brooke.

but at no time at all during this episode did anyone blink, give a double take, or openly retch at the fact that the Hulk is basically effing his daughter.


Hulk and Brooke, Hulk and Jennifer....er, wait. wait. meh, i dunno.

listen i can totally empathize with Brooke's feelings. it cannot be easy to watch your mom have an affair with someone not even of legal age while living in the house you spent much of your childhood. but for the life of me, i cannot understand why NO ONE is pointing out how wrong this situation right here is!


"i have no idea why people say we look alike!" "who put this talking mirror beside me!!"

during this episode, Hulk invited Brooke and Jennifer out to dinner to introduce them, telling them repeatedly how much they had in common! Jennifer works for Delta, Brooke flies Delta (Continental, she answers dryly), Jennifer love the sun, Brooke loves the Sun, Jennifer loves the outdoors, Brooke loves the outdoors...

the hair on my neck was standing up waiting for the "Jennifer looks like Brooke, Brooke looks like Jennifer, Jennifer looks at my dick...."

no, my mind cannot complete the sentence.

so, i don't know, in my opinion having sex with a girl who looks like your kid is WAY worse than having sex with someone else's 19 year old kid. but here' s something to consider:

is it possible, Jennifer, that Hulk is with you because you look like a younger version of Linda?

i bet that pisses her off more than looking like Brooke.

Centrum knows how the world works

Centrum has come out with commercials for their gender specific specialty formula vitamins. the commercial for the women's formula features a female voice-over saying "some things are meant only for women" while images of a red high heel and a tube of lipstick are shown. for some reason, that commercial in particular cracks me up....


hey, Centrum? tell me more about things made "only for women"....

The Last Michael Jackson Post. Until July 7th, 2009.

what the fuck is everyone smiling about? this photo was taken 3 days after the death of his son.

Joe Jackson, sit your old ass down! But before you do...can you tell me why Grey the Pinstriped Pimp has a damn cotton ball on his lapel?

DANDELIONS AREN'T REALLY FLOWERS, DUMBASS. THAT'S JUST SOME SHIT WE TELL KIDS!

the sanfords are wack

just when i thought the clusterfuck that is mark sanford imploding and basically sending love note missives to his maria in arhentina through hastily assembled press conferences couldn't get any more clusterfucky, now the one person i was hoping had a grasp on reality has let it be known that she too is a total loontard.

Picture it, South Carolina, 2009....your husband sneaks out of the state for 5 days, flies to Arhentina to visit his mistress, then comes back and tells everyone with a microphone the mistress is his soul mate but he's gonna try to fall back in love with you, refers to his affair as a love story at the end of the day, tells everyone how he even tried to get you to meet the mistress once or twice or eight times, and then further puts your business on the street by admitting there were other women floating through your marriage of 20 years.

so what do you? well if you're jenny sanford, you say something cuhrazy like this:

"Mark has stated that his intent and determination is to save our marriage, and to make amends to the people of South Carolina. I hope he can make good on those intentions, and for the sake of our boys."

ya hearing this? he SAID it's his intention of saving the marriage...even though he lied about his whereabouts over father's day weekend to fly to south america to kick it with maria belen. AND AFTER HE WAS EXPRESSLY FORBIDDEN TO DO IT, THAT CAD!

well there ya go, that's got sincerity written all over it.

Jenny Sanford: going from American Hero to typical politician doormat in 1 easy step.

Throwback F*ckery

even now, in 2009, tossing this sentence around in your head is crazy-making:

michael jackson had a black and white glamour shots style photo shoot with a chimpanzee wearing a long sleeve shirt and overalls who kept its toe-thumb hooked in his jeans' front pocket.

i saw you.

i saw you yesterday afternoon, standing on a bus top with a young girl and a baby in a stroller.

you stood out because you both looked pretty young. she looked extremely young and you seemed to be in your early 20s.

you two were talking about something. i saw you walk over to her and get close to her face with yours while you talked. i saw fear cross her face as you started walking towards her. i noticed you walked pretty quickly, closing that small distance between the two of you.

and i saw that the baby was sitting there, taking it all in.

as the car passed, i didn't look behind me to see what happened next. i was afraid i'd end up committing to memory something that i couldn't do anything to stop.

and so, i chose to not look.

how many times have we seen something that wasn't right and just chose not to see it? because we decided we didn't want to get involved, we were busy, we didn't want to get our checks cashed by some deranged woman beater. there are plenty of reasons and excuses why many of us don't get involved.

but choosing not to look doesn't mean that person didn't get hit, didn't get intimidated, or wasn't made to feel small and helpless.

i wonder how many other people driving down this busy street in the middle of the day chose not to see anything either.