right around the 3:12 mark, things get ghoulish.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Sunday's Acts of Random Randomness
- how many different items did billy mays make infomercials for? i'm pretty sure that after oxyclean, orange clean, and life insurance he was totally making a play for wilford brimley's "diabeetus" gig.
- what in the hell is walmart doing trying to sell infant sandals for $10? do they not realize they are the home of the roll back price? domain to thousands, nay, millions of financially and spiritually broken parents? i need a tiny shoe of sketchy quality for $5 or less, walmart! tighten up!
- why did tom hanks explode but peter scolari didn't? Henry was funny, too, dammit!
- what does michael bay have against black people? and no, hiring Tyrese does not make it okay...but you know, thanks for that anyway.
- i was watching mtv last night and Sway was talking to Liza Minnelli on the phone about MJ. she then passed the phone to...Usher...and he shared his thoughts as well. what tha hell was Usher doing with Liza? i mean, i know he likes older women, but damn. this question continues to haunt me.
- do you think david beckham practices that expression all the time? IT'S THE SAME EXPRESSION! I FEEL LIKE I'M TAKING CRAZY PILLS!
- how awesome would it be if street gangs danced it out in deserted parking lots like in Beat It? and what do you do after the dance routine is over? go to Sonic for a Route 66?
Friday, June 26, 2009
obligatory oh noooooes blog post.
goodbye, Michael Joseph.
i'm sorry you were treated so badly.
i'm sorry you weren't allowed to be weird in peace.
i'm sorry your father is such an abusive, rotten piece of shit. he'll get his.
i'm sorry you hated your face so very much that you mutilated it.
and i'm mostly sorry so many people are going to remember you as a joke rather than a genius.
i wore high water pants to work today in a show of sympathy and grief. and i did't put on lotion so my ankles look just like those socks.
rip, mr. jackson.
i'm sorry you were treated so badly.
i'm sorry you weren't allowed to be weird in peace.
i'm sorry your father is such an abusive, rotten piece of shit. he'll get his.
i'm sorry you hated your face so very much that you mutilated it.
and i'm mostly sorry so many people are going to remember you as a joke rather than a genius.
i wore high water pants to work today in a show of sympathy and grief. and i did't put on lotion so my ankles look just like those socks.
rip, mr. jackson.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
can't a governor go shake his nuts outta trees in peace?
ok, let's recap for those of you keeping track.
THINGS THAT SOUTH CAROLINA HATES:
- federal cash
- schools with proper sewage systems
- black bike week*
- gorillas
- non-black people having suspiciously black relatives
- Scooby Absconding
- underwear?
Sanford disappears to hike Appalachian Trail (on Naked Hiking Day)
We’re not suggesting that the formerly missing Governor of South Carolina specifically ditched his family and security detail to go hiking on Naked Hiking Day. It’s just that one of the days he hit the trail also happened to be the aforementioned holiday. [Editor’s note: This paragraph was changed to make clear that the governor’s timing was a coincidence.]
Until late yesterday, no one would say publicly where he was. Poof. He just disappeared.
The story started to resemble a John Grisham novel. A southern conservative governor and very vocal critic of a popular liberal president eluded his security detail and completely disappeared with his last known whereabouts — before he (or someone) turned off his cell phones — somewhere outside of Atlanta.
Staff was silent. Some were talking about succession plans. The First Lady though said she wasn’t concerned. “He was writing something and wanted some space to get away from the kids,” she said.
But many wondered aloud how this traditional, family-loving, Republican governor of a southern state could miss Fathers Day. After all he’s got four children! Was something sinister in the air?
Then it took a Farrelly brothers screenplay type of twist. Sanford had not disappeared. According to his spokesman, he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Coincidentally, on Naked Hiking Day.
It’s a big tradition. Many hikers celebrate the summer solstice by hiking au naturel. It just so happened the solstice occurred on Fathers Day — one of the days Sanford was hiking.
and there you have it. while the rest of the state was running on auto-pilot, Governor Sanford (allegedly) packed his bags and went to go let his bags swing on the appalachian trail.
i'm betting that Us Weekly is going to print an exclusive interview next week with the woman who's been meeting Sanford for the last few years at this event and thought his name was Guillermo.
on an unfortunate aside, i'm beginning to see a disturbing trend in the things SC hates....
nonetheless! never change, South Carolina (as if you would, right?).
*incidentally, i TOTALLY agree with the black bike week hatred.
Christian Science Monitor
THINGS THAT SOUTH CAROLINA HATES:
- federal cash
- schools with proper sewage systems
- black bike week*
- gorillas
- non-black people having suspiciously black relatives
- Scooby Absconding
- underwear?
Sanford disappears to hike Appalachian Trail (on Naked Hiking Day)
We’re not suggesting that the formerly missing Governor of South Carolina specifically ditched his family and security detail to go hiking on Naked Hiking Day. It’s just that one of the days he hit the trail also happened to be the aforementioned holiday. [Editor’s note: This paragraph was changed to make clear that the governor’s timing was a coincidence.]
Until late yesterday, no one would say publicly where he was. Poof. He just disappeared.
The story started to resemble a John Grisham novel. A southern conservative governor and very vocal critic of a popular liberal president eluded his security detail and completely disappeared with his last known whereabouts — before he (or someone) turned off his cell phones — somewhere outside of Atlanta.
Staff was silent. Some were talking about succession plans. The First Lady though said she wasn’t concerned. “He was writing something and wanted some space to get away from the kids,” she said.
But many wondered aloud how this traditional, family-loving, Republican governor of a southern state could miss Fathers Day. After all he’s got four children! Was something sinister in the air?
Then it took a Farrelly brothers screenplay type of twist. Sanford had not disappeared. According to his spokesman, he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Coincidentally, on Naked Hiking Day.
It’s a big tradition. Many hikers celebrate the summer solstice by hiking au naturel. It just so happened the solstice occurred on Fathers Day — one of the days Sanford was hiking.
and there you have it. while the rest of the state was running on auto-pilot, Governor Sanford (allegedly) packed his bags and went to go let his bags swing on the appalachian trail.
i'm betting that Us Weekly is going to print an exclusive interview next week with the woman who's been meeting Sanford for the last few years at this event and thought his name was Guillermo.
on an unfortunate aside, i'm beginning to see a disturbing trend in the things SC hates....
nonetheless! never change, South Carolina (as if you would, right?).
*incidentally, i TOTALLY agree with the black bike week hatred.
Christian Science Monitor
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
What's WRONG with these People?? [office of the department of redundancy]
boy, boy, boy, BOY! it just keeps getting better and better with South Carolina. Little, backwards, broke-ass, dreadlock and gorilla hating South Carolina.
now, this interesting little tid-bit! you know how lots and lots of people have been wishing Mark Sanford would just disappear.
WELL, HE DONE GONE AND DONE IT, YA'LL!!!!
(AP) Where is South Carolina's governor?
Gov. Mark Sanford's wife said Monday she did not know the location of the two-term Republican chief executive. Sanford's staff declined to disclose where he was.
First lady Jenny Sanford told The Associated Press her husband has been gone for several days and she doesn't know where. She said she was not concerned. Jenny Sanford said the governor said he needed time away from their children to write something.
Sanford spokesman Joel Sawyer declined to discuss where the governor was. Sawyer told The Associated Press that Sanford was taking time to "recharge" after his failed fight against federal stimulus money.
Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer said he didn't know where Sanford is but said he had not been put in charge.
what, is he on FMLA or something? how does he just split from his job, not put the lt. gov in charge, and fail to mention to his wife where he went?
it's getting awfully peculiar a little ways down the interstate....stay tuned.
now, this interesting little tid-bit! you know how lots and lots of people have been wishing Mark Sanford would just disappear.
WELL, HE DONE GONE AND DONE IT, YA'LL!!!!
(AP) Where is South Carolina's governor?
Gov. Mark Sanford's wife said Monday she did not know the location of the two-term Republican chief executive. Sanford's staff declined to disclose where he was.
First lady Jenny Sanford told The Associated Press her husband has been gone for several days and she doesn't know where. She said she was not concerned. Jenny Sanford said the governor said he needed time away from their children to write something.
Sanford spokesman Joel Sawyer declined to discuss where the governor was. Sawyer told The Associated Press that Sanford was taking time to "recharge" after his failed fight against federal stimulus money.
Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer said he didn't know where Sanford is but said he had not been put in charge.
what, is he on FMLA or something? how does he just split from his job, not put the lt. gov in charge, and fail to mention to his wife where he went?
it's getting awfully peculiar a little ways down the interstate....stay tuned.
i am convicted [and throw away the key]
the other evening, i found myself watching a tv show on mtv called Is She Really Going Out with Him, a *reality* show based on a website. i thought it would be harmless fun, watching this show. i thought "let's see another girl who is obviously way too good with a dude who is deluded enough to believe he's the one with the higher relationship stock.
but what i got for my efforts, friends, was convicted. for you see, the douchebag on this episode bears an uncanny and horrifying resemblance TO ONE OF MY DOUCHEBAG EX-BOYFRIENDS!!!
god help me, it's true. take away the spikes and replaces with a giant curly afro and you have the fellow with whom i wasted several months of my life.
my kentucky buddies know EXACTLY WHO I TALKING ABOUT. but why didn't you tell me????
negative 200 points for having eyebrows like a chola.
but what i got for my efforts, friends, was convicted. for you see, the douchebag on this episode bears an uncanny and horrifying resemblance TO ONE OF MY DOUCHEBAG EX-BOYFRIENDS!!!
god help me, it's true. take away the spikes and replaces with a giant curly afro and you have the fellow with whom i wasted several months of my life.
my kentucky buddies know EXACTLY WHO I TALKING ABOUT. but why didn't you tell me????
negative 200 points for having eyebrows like a chola.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Good Idea [bad ideas]
most youngsters like to do things that push the envelope with society and especially with their parents. i for one didn't stop pushing until i'd gotten my nose pierced. but that was two tattoos and 4 piercings later.
when i got my navel pierced, i remember asking the heavily tattooed and studded piercer "is this going to hurt?" and she lied through her lip ring and said "no, not at all."
in hindsight....and hindsight came 2 seconds after she stuck me with the needle....i realized that you cannot take the advice from someone who clearly has an entirely different pain threshold than you do.
which brings me to this little chickadee right here.
behold Kimberley Vlaeminck, an 18 year-old Belgian teen who went to a parlor with the intention of getting three wittle bitty stars on her face.
actually, what had happened was...
"I wanted him to tattoo on just three little points but he suggested three stars, saying it would look prettier. When he started the tattooing I didn't want to feel the pain and so I went to sleep. I had got up at five in the morning."
and what to her wondering eyes did appear?
56 black stars.
now i must admit, she had me when she said she fell asleep and slept through the entire process. that's as mystical and unbelievable as when women say they had painless labor. and by that i mean, "that heffa is lying." can someone please let her know there's a difference between"falling asleep" and "passing out?"
what makes this even more unbelievable is the fact that she chose to close her eyes on this guy right here:
yes, THIS is the tattooist. a perfect study in moderation, am i right?
and he says the girl never "fell asleep" and knew exactly how many stars he'd put on her head and face.
well, of course she did.
but that doesn't change the fact that no one should go to this guy for tattoos or piercings if they're hoping for a cute little sketch of tinkerbell on their ankle, let alone 3 little points, whatever the hell that even means.
i think the lawsuit should be dismissed solely on the fact that the thing she needs the most [COMMON SENSE] is not something she can be awarded in court.
next.
when i got my navel pierced, i remember asking the heavily tattooed and studded piercer "is this going to hurt?" and she lied through her lip ring and said "no, not at all."
in hindsight....and hindsight came 2 seconds after she stuck me with the needle....i realized that you cannot take the advice from someone who clearly has an entirely different pain threshold than you do.
which brings me to this little chickadee right here.
behold Kimberley Vlaeminck, an 18 year-old Belgian teen who went to a parlor with the intention of getting three wittle bitty stars on her face.
actually, what had happened was...
"I wanted him to tattoo on just three little points but he suggested three stars, saying it would look prettier. When he started the tattooing I didn't want to feel the pain and so I went to sleep. I had got up at five in the morning."
and what to her wondering eyes did appear?
56 black stars.
now i must admit, she had me when she said she fell asleep and slept through the entire process. that's as mystical and unbelievable as when women say they had painless labor. and by that i mean, "that heffa is lying." can someone please let her know there's a difference between"falling asleep" and "passing out?"
what makes this even more unbelievable is the fact that she chose to close her eyes on this guy right here:
yes, THIS is the tattooist. a perfect study in moderation, am i right?
and he says the girl never "fell asleep" and knew exactly how many stars he'd put on her head and face.
well, of course she did.
but that doesn't change the fact that no one should go to this guy for tattoos or piercings if they're hoping for a cute little sketch of tinkerbell on their ankle, let alone 3 little points, whatever the hell that even means.
i think the lawsuit should be dismissed solely on the fact that the thing she needs the most [COMMON SENSE] is not something she can be awarded in court.
next.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
sometimes the blind items are just too easy [brown paper douchebag]
the ny daily news posted this deliciously easy blind item:
WICKED WHISPERS: Which male music diva kicked a billionaire out of his house — just because he put his dirty feet on a pristine white couch?
now, we all know who this refers to, right??
WICKED WHISPERS: Which male music diva kicked a billionaire out of his house — just because he put his dirty feet on a pristine white couch?
now, we all know who this refers to, right??
Monday, June 15, 2009
blast from the past
after having a conversation with a friend of mine, i decided to find this video. and just like i stated, i remember all the words. which just proves that i spent an amazing amount of time in front of the tv when i was small.
so much for a clean criminal record
more good news from south carolina! there may be a lot going on in the palmetto state that leaves alot to be desired. sure sure sure, the schools are crap, the governor is crazy, and nobody likes gorillas. but there is one thing you simply cannot take away from them jokers down there: they do NOT tolerate anyone messing with The Scoob!
Joshua Long, 19, is charged with breach of trust with fraudulent intent, according to a York County Sheriff's Office report.
Deputies say Long is accused of helping someone cheat on a game and win a giant Scooby Doo worth $109.
CHARLOTTE, N.C. -- A Carowinds employee was arrested this weekend after allegedly helping someone win a stuffed animal. 
Joshua Long, 19, is charged with breach of trust with fraudulent intent, according to a York County Sheriff's Office report.
Deputies say Long is accused of helping someone cheat on a game and win a giant Scooby Doo worth $109.
According to the report, the game involved flipping a ring so that it landed on a bottle. The alleged incident happened Saturday afternoon.
The person who won the Scooby Doo was not charged. Investigators say it's unclear whether the two knew each other.
now, i know what you're thinking. you're thinking how in the world could a stuffed animal be worth $109 and why would anyone want a Scooby Doo, they don't even play the cartoons on tv anymore!
does it qualify as irony that the business accusing an employee of theft is ripping off customers by having them play impossible carny games to try to win a stuffed animal they've marked the price up on?
i know one thing for certain: it seems a wee bit heavy-handed of Carowinds to have this kid arrested over something like this. i mean, it's not like he grew dreadlocks or anything!
cmon, Carowinds! where's the love!
Pop Quiz
well, now! this kitty cat appears to have a sour attitude, care to guess why?
a) it just occurred to him that if he'd shaved his mustache, he might have slipped through the police checkpoint.
b) he specifically asked for the new york times. THAT is a usa today. who's the wiseguy?
c) he just found out he'll be serving his life sentence in Brokedown Litterbox and it wasn't even his hash!
d) all of the above
e) none of your business, nosy a** motherf***er.
What's WRONG with these People??
a south carolina gop "activist"...that's what we call them nowadays?.....discovered what what numerous 20-something-year-old entry level employees across the country discovered last year:
when you show your ass on facebook, everybody looks!
that genius right there is rusty depass. he used to be a south carolina poleetishun. now he's a facebook comedian. of course, this type of comedy leaves me cold. maybe i'm too uptight?
anyhoo, there is a bright side to all of this: at least he's old.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Sunday's Acts of Random Randomness
so here we are, the start of another week. and with it, more of the same: traffic, daycare/mommy politics, landmines at work, more traffic, dinner, baths, baby bedtime, exhaustion.
add wine liberally, repeat.
i thought i'd start my weeks with some random musings. if it crossed my mind this weekend, i'm gonna talk about it here. why? because it's my blog, that's why.
- what happened to Michael Keaton? how does one go from majah majah somebody in the 80s and 90s to vapor in the 00s? did i miss the Those We Lost This Year montage he was on at the end of the year a while back or something? just saying.
- can we all just agree that Tila Tequila is mentally ill? i mean, you got your garden variety crazy, your needs some medicine crazy, and then you have Tequila crazy. Tiny over here is desperately in need of some deep analysis followed by a "stop being crazy pills" chaser, stat.
- yeah, upon deeper thought, i totally should have checked that manager at family dollar. damn, return something without a tag on it and it's like a stinkin crisis. this bastid got bent outta shape over $8. yes. EIGHT DOLLARS. and i had the receipt! but then again, in family dollar, $8 is like $927.32 in Macy's or some shit...
- little tiny babies are the BUSINESS! the tiny clothes, the tiny diapers, the tiny bums are just so amazingly precious! however, i'm not willing to put myself through the emotional, mental, physical, or financial Armageddon that would accompany having some little feet and a little bitty belly to kiss. i just give thanks to GOD i didn't turn into a baby groupie until after i had kids. otherwise, it would just be inappropriate. i would disgust myself.
- and speaking of kids, why do people in this area refer to their children as "chaps?" chaps?! where did this colloquialism come from? what does it mean? WHY DO I USE IT? I'M NOT FROM NORTH CAROLINA!!!
- why was kathy griffin...griffith?....asking mc hammer's son about his bankruptcy? bitch, you crazy...why don't you go ask Ivanka Trump about her father's bankruptcies? OH YES I DID!
funniest quote of the week: "im out looking for some crumbs to throw against my tonsils!" - friend, driving to buy lunch!
so as the week begins, try to keep this in mind: love is HIGHLY underrated. view your friends and loved ones...and even those bastids you can't stand...through a compassionate lens. and remember to take Siouxsie and the Banshees' advice.
add wine liberally, repeat.
i thought i'd start my weeks with some random musings. if it crossed my mind this weekend, i'm gonna talk about it here. why? because it's my blog, that's why.
- what happened to Michael Keaton? how does one go from majah majah somebody in the 80s and 90s to vapor in the 00s? did i miss the Those We Lost This Year montage he was on at the end of the year a while back or something? just saying.
- can we all just agree that Tila Tequila is mentally ill? i mean, you got your garden variety crazy, your needs some medicine crazy, and then you have Tequila crazy. Tiny over here is desperately in need of some deep analysis followed by a "stop being crazy pills" chaser, stat.
- yeah, upon deeper thought, i totally should have checked that manager at family dollar. damn, return something without a tag on it and it's like a stinkin crisis. this bastid got bent outta shape over $8. yes. EIGHT DOLLARS. and i had the receipt! but then again, in family dollar, $8 is like $927.32 in Macy's or some shit...
- little tiny babies are the BUSINESS! the tiny clothes, the tiny diapers, the tiny bums are just so amazingly precious! however, i'm not willing to put myself through the emotional, mental, physical, or financial Armageddon that would accompany having some little feet and a little bitty belly to kiss. i just give thanks to GOD i didn't turn into a baby groupie until after i had kids. otherwise, it would just be inappropriate. i would disgust myself.
- and speaking of kids, why do people in this area refer to their children as "chaps?" chaps?! where did this colloquialism come from? what does it mean? WHY DO I USE IT? I'M NOT FROM NORTH CAROLINA!!!
- why was kathy griffin...griffith?....asking mc hammer's son about his bankruptcy? bitch, you crazy...why don't you go ask Ivanka Trump about her father's bankruptcies? OH YES I DID!
funniest quote of the week: "im out looking for some crumbs to throw against my tonsils!" - friend, driving to buy lunch!
so as the week begins, try to keep this in mind: love is HIGHLY underrated. view your friends and loved ones...and even those bastids you can't stand...through a compassionate lens. and remember to take Siouxsie and the Banshees' advice.
Friday, June 12, 2009
what does joblessness look like in your city?
here's what it looks like in mine.
Hundreds line up for 1,014 new Charlotte jobs
Charlotte's beleaguered financial sector got a dose of good news -- 1,014 new jobs in a business helping borrowers with troubled mortgages. (Source)
Hundreds line up for 1,014 new Charlotte jobs
Charlotte's beleaguered financial sector got a dose of good news -- 1,014 new jobs in a business helping borrowers with troubled mortgages. (Source)
us, weakly...
foolishly, in my thirst for celebrity gossip, i have allowed Us Weekly access to my email address. this makes it possible for me to receive breaking news from one of the industry's most reliable journalistic sources. without these emails, how else would i know that Jen and Brad recently met up for a 1 am hotel meeting, Ashley Simpson is still a moron, and Madonna's cashier's check was accepted for the purchase i mean adoption of little Mercy?
but mostly, Us Weekly helps me keep track of The Bickersons. you know: Jon & Kate Plus I Hate Your Stinkin Lying Cheating Bitchy Guts.
today's THIRD email (really, Us Weekly? 3?) shared this tidbit with me:
well, whattaya know! it's Jon & Kate's 10th anniversary! but they're still battling marriage problems! AND new cheating allegations! gosh, it's really tough to tell whether the two will be celebrating...
UNLESS YOU LOOK IN THE CENTER OF THE PAGE where Us Weekly helpfully puts us out of our misery by telling us that Jon & Kate Celebrate 10th Anniversary Today! and the magazine gets the ball rolling on that celebration by showing us pics of the happy couple unhappily separated this spring! that's JUST as romantic a gift as aluminum or tin!
as you can tell at the bottom left of the page, Kate appears to be absolutely shocked that it's been ten years already! i hope she's not worried about how she and Jon are gonna celebrate their one score together....
well. apparently, she's getting the party started by murdering one of their kids. JUST as romantic as aluminum or tin!
thanks, Us Weekly. your helpful emails have managed to help me waste more hours on the job than the squiggle haired boss from Dilbert.
but mostly, Us Weekly helps me keep track of The Bickersons. you know: Jon & Kate Plus I Hate Your Stinkin Lying Cheating Bitchy Guts.
today's THIRD email (really, Us Weekly? 3?) shared this tidbit with me:
well, whattaya know! it's Jon & Kate's 10th anniversary! but they're still battling marriage problems! AND new cheating allegations! gosh, it's really tough to tell whether the two will be celebrating...
UNLESS YOU LOOK IN THE CENTER OF THE PAGE where Us Weekly helpfully puts us out of our misery by telling us that Jon & Kate Celebrate 10th Anniversary Today! and the magazine gets the ball rolling on that celebration by showing us pics of the happy couple unhappily separated this spring! that's JUST as romantic a gift as aluminum or tin!
as you can tell at the bottom left of the page, Kate appears to be absolutely shocked that it's been ten years already! i hope she's not worried about how she and Jon are gonna celebrate their one score together....
well. apparently, she's getting the party started by murdering one of their kids. JUST as romantic as aluminum or tin!
thanks, Us Weekly. your helpful emails have managed to help me waste more hours on the job than the squiggle haired boss from Dilbert.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
eighteen months later....
today is a pretty awesome day. it's the 18th month in which everything in my life changed: eighteen short months ago Trixie and Dixie made their grand entrance into this city and my world.
to say that it has been a harrowing adventure is putting it mildly. over the last year and a half i have experienced:
* tiny size 1 diapers with giant poops
* LOCHIA
* a daycare provider who was out of her complete and total mind
* the sorrow of immunization shots and ear piercings
* three hour crying jags. in stereo.
* the evolution of Caesar hair styles, to DC fades, to full blown little girl curls
* rolling, crawling, standing, walking, running
* baby teeth and morning breath
* diaper rashes from hell
* happy shouts of "hiiiiii!" in the morning and when picking up from daycare in the evening
* arm waving jam sessions in the backseat listening to Janet Jackson sing about Control
* the evolution of pretending to use the remote control like a phone to holding a thumb and index up to the ear to mimic a bluetooth
* the never ending joys (for her!) of reading Brown Bear over and over and over and over and over and over and over and....
* hugs and kisses out of the blue, complete with mmmmmWAH sound effects.
while experiencing all these great things, i have also experienced the lows of self-doubt, fear, anxiety, depression, frustration, and immobility. i have been fortunate to have a good core set of friends who i can call and can prop me up and talk me through the disaster, whether real or imagined.
when i look back at how much my life has changed, i gotta admit there are a few things i miss. like being able to get up and go when i feel like it, happy hour, waking up an hour before i have to be at work and still making it to work on time, buying myself a party shirt and going out over the weekend, not being exhausted all the time, not doing laundry CONSTANTLY, not having to cook dinner, going to the movies more than once every 13 months, okay did i say a FEW things i miss?
but taking the sum total of all those things, i wouldn't trade them for anything with the joy and amazement i feel when i'm spending time with my kids.
*but Boca! what about those moments when you are bitter and angry and exhausted from the pressure of 2 toddlers running all over your house like langoliers?*
yes, dammit, even then. underneath it all.
i'm glad i accepted this mission, raising these two little girls to be strong, intelligent, funny, fearless women. i hope this works out for us all, because it's way too late to try to take them back to the hospital for a refund.
and speaking of money spent, did you know that you can easily keep track of the cost of supporting a child over her lifetime by simply converting her baby book into a spending ledger?
i learned that from Married, with Children.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
What's WRONG with these People??
as you have probably heard, the prez and the missus had another fantastic date night, taking in a show in NYC. here i was thinking it was a nice, romantic moment shared by two people clearly in love...well, thank the LERD for Rick Santorum, who let me know it not only served as an example but...kinda....overshot the mark?
Take it Rick!
Number one, I think it's great that the president has a date night with his wife. He's a role model.He's a role model in particular, whether he likes it or not, in the African-American community.
right on, right on...
Here we have a president of the United States who says that marriage is cool. You have respect for your wife, and you treat her with the respect and dignity that she deserves. And she is part of this team. And it's not just part of professional team, but it's also part of a personal, romantic team. I think that's all great. So I think it's important that he keeps having his date night.
yes, that is great. especially since we've never had a married president before. wait...wait, we have, but black people haven't been influenced by the marriages of white people. we only respond when we see other black people doing something. kinda like running away from a club shooting.
wait, what?
I think he has to realize that flying to New York is self-indulgent. Go down to the corner bar and have a drink, a shot and a beer. It does not matter where you go with your wife, is that it's with your wife. That's really the point... I would make the argument, the simpler the date, the more normal it is.
...did this dude just suggest that the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES should take THE FIRST LADY to a bar and just have a drink? why in the world would the man holding the most important office in our country do that, Rick?
It connects to people. Here is what you do. Here is how you do it. And it is not going to Broadway. All right, once in awhile, you do something special. But it is mundane that really makes the marriage special, but because you are with your wife the mundane isn't mundane. It's special.
so, by saying connects with people, he means black people. because black people don't go to new york and they don't go to broadway plays. and a black woman is not going to think it very special to fly her to another city and treat her to a broadway show! nah, nah, naaaaaaaah....here's what you do....here's how you do it: take her to Smitty's for a couple shots of aristocrat, then head on back to the criz-zib, play some big daddy kane, and work it OUT.
huh.
you know i just cannot take it. i cannot even begin to climb that mountain that this man has laid out in front of me. i can only say a few things before i completely degrade and start screaming at my computer:
1) rick santorum is no expert on marriage and no one asked his advice. so what's with the paternalistic, condescending attitude? why does this guy, who's about the same age as Obama, and who lost his re-election bid think he can tell the President how to date his wife?
2) by suggesting the president merely go to a bar for some shots instead of taking his wife to nyc to broadway is absurd. and i know he isn're really going to go there with something being "self-indulgent" when Dubya used Air Force One regularly to travel to and from his private ranch in Crawford, TX. do you now how much it costs to use Air Force One per hour? over $50,000. it's a 2 hour flight from DC. and he visited Crawford 77 times during his administration. do the math.
3) this script follows all too closely to what many people of color have experienced in this society by our paler, well-meaning neighbors. it's patronizing, infuriating, and biased thinking based on racist notions of the black community.
4) with regards to the usual complaints at this junction of any race conversation of someone "always playing the race card" i have this to say: if you don't want me to play the race card, quit dealing from that particular deck.
Take it Rick!
Number one, I think it's great that the president has a date night with his wife. He's a role model.He's a role model in particular, whether he likes it or not, in the African-American community.
right on, right on...
Here we have a president of the United States who says that marriage is cool. You have respect for your wife, and you treat her with the respect and dignity that she deserves. And she is part of this team. And it's not just part of professional team, but it's also part of a personal, romantic team. I think that's all great. So I think it's important that he keeps having his date night.
yes, that is great. especially since we've never had a married president before. wait...wait, we have, but black people haven't been influenced by the marriages of white people. we only respond when we see other black people doing something. kinda like running away from a club shooting.
wait, what?
I think he has to realize that flying to New York is self-indulgent. Go down to the corner bar and have a drink, a shot and a beer. It does not matter where you go with your wife, is that it's with your wife. That's really the point... I would make the argument, the simpler the date, the more normal it is.
...did this dude just suggest that the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES should take THE FIRST LADY to a bar and just have a drink? why in the world would the man holding the most important office in our country do that, Rick?
It connects to people. Here is what you do. Here is how you do it. And it is not going to Broadway. All right, once in awhile, you do something special. But it is mundane that really makes the marriage special, but because you are with your wife the mundane isn't mundane. It's special.
so, by saying connects with people, he means black people. because black people don't go to new york and they don't go to broadway plays. and a black woman is not going to think it very special to fly her to another city and treat her to a broadway show! nah, nah, naaaaaaaah....here's what you do....here's how you do it: take her to Smitty's for a couple shots of aristocrat, then head on back to the criz-zib, play some big daddy kane, and work it OUT.
huh.
you know i just cannot take it. i cannot even begin to climb that mountain that this man has laid out in front of me. i can only say a few things before i completely degrade and start screaming at my computer:
1) rick santorum is no expert on marriage and no one asked his advice. so what's with the paternalistic, condescending attitude? why does this guy, who's about the same age as Obama, and who lost his re-election bid think he can tell the President how to date his wife?
2) by suggesting the president merely go to a bar for some shots instead of taking his wife to nyc to broadway is absurd. and i know he isn're really going to go there with something being "self-indulgent" when Dubya used Air Force One regularly to travel to and from his private ranch in Crawford, TX. do you now how much it costs to use Air Force One per hour? over $50,000. it's a 2 hour flight from DC. and he visited Crawford 77 times during his administration. do the math.
3) this script follows all too closely to what many people of color have experienced in this society by our paler, well-meaning neighbors. it's patronizing, infuriating, and biased thinking based on racist notions of the black community.
4) with regards to the usual complaints at this junction of any race conversation of someone "always playing the race card" i have this to say: if you don't want me to play the race card, quit dealing from that particular deck.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
sexiest gums in the game
so the T-1000 exists after all? luckily, we can stop it with cough syrup and save humanity.
makeover, you guuuuuuuuuuuuyyssss!
i threw some paint around, freshened up the place....you like it? does it make my butt look big?
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