There it is Again: That Creeping Sense of Insecurity

this is the time in trixie and dixie's young lives that it seems like all eyes are on their mental development. when someone asks you if your kid at this age is "talking yet," you can't help but feel compelled to answer yes and then LIST all the words they know. just so they know that you do read books, you are on top of things, and you kid WILL be a member of cabinet by the time he or she reached middle school.

but one thing i saw over the weekend caused me to get that faint (yes i said FAINT) line of worry between my eyes: am i saying no nearly enough to the kids?

now it's not like i haven't heard this complaint before, about my perceived permissiveness. but i always get that unsolicited not-exactly-constructive criticism from the girls' dad, a known pessimist who's outlook on life is The Toilet Is Half Full Of Shit. seriously, if you catch him smiling, it's because he finds humor in the fact that God has chosen him and only him to punish.

but all that's another blog....

so, he is always good to inform me that i need to tell the kids no so that they will learn. instead of going and getting trixie while she's trying to turn the tv off and on, leave her alone but TELL her no: she will learn.

instead of shutting the doors to rooms i'd rather they not go into, keep them open and TELL them no when they are touching something you don't want them to...or you know, drowning in the toilet or something.

on and on and on. and i usually roll my eyes and do what i do. because really? who's the Mommy around here? that's right: me.

and then here comes Gerber with their clever commercials for baby products i don't really need. the mom in the commercial sat facing the camera with her back to her toddler. and every other word in the commercial was a command to stop. AND THE BABY STOPPED DOING WHAT HE WAS DOING.

not only was i impressed with the fact that the child listened, i was impressed with the sound of authority in her voice while talking to him. and then, there it was: maybe i'm NOT saying no enough, perhaps i'm too permissive, are they gonna be those jerky 3 year olds who everyone hates to be around because of me, oh god they're gonna drop outta high school and run away with 50 year old pot-smoking convicts!!!!! ALL BECAUSE I DON'T TELL THEM NO ENOUGH!!!!!

so i have decided how to up their daily intake of NO while not feeling like i'm unnecessarily limiting them:

"Trixie, Dixie....you guys want some bourbon? NO!"

works well and leaves more bourbon for me.

if you see me with a far away look in my eyes....

that's because in my mind, i'm here.


(via Kharon)

be kind to yourself.

...and stop wearing high heels, too.

word.

Introducing La Torta Flaca

last week i had the opportunity to go to a local authentic Mexican restaurant for a very delicious lunch. while there, i was introduced to the wonder and magic of the Torta. Basically it's a large delicious meaty sandwich. I say delicious because while i didn't order it during my lunch, it certainly looked delicious as hell! so much so that it inspired me to create my own Torta in honor of the majesty, the creativity, and the sheer gall to include virtually every animal known to man on two oblong pieces of bread.

Behold: La Torta Flaca

steak, one large ground beef patty, bacon bits, 3 sliced hot dogs, 4 turkey sausage patties, five pieces of pork bacon, grilled chicken, meatloaf, taco seasoning, a fried egg, lettuce, mustard, tomato, guacamole, left side paralysis, heart attack...

yeah, that's everything. SOUNDS DELICIOUS!!!

But His Mouth Gets off Scott Free??

Shahrazad Ali wrote at book in the late 80s called The Blackman's Guide to Understanding the Blackwoman. In it, she informed men that if a woman is being verbally offensive, it is appropriate and necessary for him to correct her by slapping her in the mouth.

Ok, so the domestic violence implications aside..as well as the fact that Shahrazad is a *little* fuckin crazy...consider this:

"Controversial radio host Don Imus announced on his radio show this morning that he is battling stage II prostate cancer.

"He speculated that the cancer could be a result of stress."

Or....could it have been the one million and one curses flung at him through time and space from a group of "nappy-headed hoes" in New York?

well whatever the cause of Imus' illness, i do know one thing for sure: his mouth sure dodged a hell of a bullet!

oh, come ON!

caption say "let the kids build a better world."

boca flaca say "...what the fuck is he hiding in his other hand?!"

i got no problem with interracial dating but giiirrrrl, you went too damn far THIS time!