eighteen months later....

today is a pretty awesome day. it's the 18th month in which everything in my life changed: eighteen short months ago Trixie and Dixie made their grand entrance into this city and my world.

to say that it has been a harrowing adventure is putting it mildly. over the last year and a half i have experienced:

* tiny size 1 diapers with giant poops

* LOCHIA

* a daycare provider who was out of her complete and total mind

* the sorrow of immunization shots and ear piercings

* three hour crying jags. in stereo.

* the evolution of Caesar hair styles, to DC fades, to full blown little girl curls

* rolling, crawling, standing, walking, running

* baby teeth and morning breath

* diaper rashes from hell

* happy shouts of "hiiiiii!" in the morning and when picking up from daycare in the evening

* arm waving jam sessions in the backseat listening to Janet Jackson sing about Control

* the evolution of pretending to use the remote control like a phone to holding a thumb and index up to the ear to mimic a bluetooth

* the never ending joys (for her!) of reading Brown Bear over and over and over and over and over and over and over and....

* hugs and kisses out of the blue, complete with mmmmmWAH sound effects.

while experiencing all these great things, i have also experienced the lows of self-doubt, fear, anxiety, depression, frustration, and immobility. i have been fortunate to have a good core set of friends who i can call and can prop me up and talk me through the disaster, whether real or imagined.

when i look back at how much my life has changed, i gotta admit there are a few things i miss. like being able to get up and go when i feel like it, happy hour, waking up an hour before i have to be at work and still making it to work on time, buying myself a party shirt and going out over the weekend, not being exhausted all the time, not doing laundry CONSTANTLY, not having to cook dinner, going to the movies more than once every 13 months, okay did i say a FEW things i miss?

but taking the sum total of all those things, i wouldn't trade them for anything with the joy and amazement i feel when i'm spending time with my kids.

*but Boca! what about those moments when you are bitter and angry and exhausted from the pressure of 2 toddlers running all over your house like langoliers?*

yes, dammit, even then. underneath it all.

i'm glad i accepted this mission, raising these two little girls to be strong, intelligent, funny, fearless women. i hope this works out for us all, because it's way too late to try to take them back to the hospital for a refund.

and speaking of money spent, did you know that you can easily keep track of the cost of supporting a child over her lifetime by simply converting her baby book into a spending ledger?

i learned that from Married, with Children.

simple lessons for navigating a complex world

watching my kids grow is all at once and amazing, terrifying, exciting, disheartening experience. i'm amazed and excited about the milestones they reach and yet it leaves a nasty little pang in my chest when i realize those same milestones are moving them inch by inch away from me.

i mean, it feels like i am going to blink and find myself going to high school graduations! blink again, and i'm going to college graduations. again, and i'm saying goodbye at the airport as they relocate. blink one more time and i'm moving in with one of them and showing up unannounced on the other's job because i can't STAND BEING THAT FAR AWAY FROM MY CHILDREN!!!....but i digress.

tonight has been quite an adventure in Life Behind the Eyes of a toddler. having learned some valuable lessons, i feel much more prepared to handle the world tomorrow morning. thought i'd share:

1) BBQ sauce does not make it all better: if it's gross, it's gross. trying to smother the gross in bbq sauce does not make it more palatable. it's still gross but now it's also weird.

2) Try It, You Might Surprise Yourself: after bath time this evening, as i was drying Dixie off, Trixie walked over to the door, opened it, and sprinted down the hallway! up until that point, did i know she could open doors? no. did she? probably not. did that stop her from trying? hell to the no. and what was her reward? sweet butt nekkit success!

3) Cry It Out: emotions are cruel and capricious masters and sometimes the mere act of holding them all in check can be exhausting. it you feel the need to blow off some steam by letting loose with a full-throated, lung-rattling, blood-curdling crying jag, then by all means have at it. the consoling hugs and kisses you receive during your meltdown are awesome and you just can't help but feel better in the end.

4) Life Really is Like a Song: you ever noticed how much music we hear during the course of an average day? no? well, a toddler does. and what does this awareness of music lead to? impromptu dance recitals. be very serious about your performance and snap your fingers to the beat. you know your cell phone ringer is the jam, that's why you picked it.

5) Fake It Til You Make It: have something to say but you're unsure of the pronunciation? try to say it anyway; if you don't make mistakes you ain't gonna learn. and what's the point of getting embarrassed by mistakes? no one is perfect, duh.

so theses are just a few of the gems of wisdom passed up to me from my chaps. theses kids are quite learned for such young ladies. i can't wait to find out what they're going to teach me by this time next year.

Where Have YOU Been All My Life???

this little tidbit could have kept me in a nice one-bedroom apartment until i actually made enough money to afford a two bedroom apartment that's not crime and rodent infested in a relatively safe part of town where i can sleep nights with a semi-safe feeling of not getting home invaded, why, because the city planners where i live have paid way more attention to creating high-end housing than they have to creating and preserving affordable housing for working parents who happened to pull the genetic wild card and have multiples!

yeah, it's perfect!

(Source)

There it is Again: That Creeping Sense of Insecurity

this is the time in trixie and dixie's young lives that it seems like all eyes are on their mental development. when someone asks you if your kid at this age is "talking yet," you can't help but feel compelled to answer yes and then LIST all the words they know. just so they know that you do read books, you are on top of things, and you kid WILL be a member of cabinet by the time he or she reached middle school.

but one thing i saw over the weekend caused me to get that faint (yes i said FAINT) line of worry between my eyes: am i saying no nearly enough to the kids?

now it's not like i haven't heard this complaint before, about my perceived permissiveness. but i always get that unsolicited not-exactly-constructive criticism from the girls' dad, a known pessimist who's outlook on life is The Toilet Is Half Full Of Shit. seriously, if you catch him smiling, it's because he finds humor in the fact that God has chosen him and only him to punish.

but all that's another blog....

so, he is always good to inform me that i need to tell the kids no so that they will learn. instead of going and getting trixie while she's trying to turn the tv off and on, leave her alone but TELL her no: she will learn.

instead of shutting the doors to rooms i'd rather they not go into, keep them open and TELL them no when they are touching something you don't want them to...or you know, drowning in the toilet or something.

on and on and on. and i usually roll my eyes and do what i do. because really? who's the Mommy around here? that's right: me.

and then here comes Gerber with their clever commercials for baby products i don't really need. the mom in the commercial sat facing the camera with her back to her toddler. and every other word in the commercial was a command to stop. AND THE BABY STOPPED DOING WHAT HE WAS DOING.

not only was i impressed with the fact that the child listened, i was impressed with the sound of authority in her voice while talking to him. and then, there it was: maybe i'm NOT saying no enough, perhaps i'm too permissive, are they gonna be those jerky 3 year olds who everyone hates to be around because of me, oh god they're gonna drop outta high school and run away with 50 year old pot-smoking convicts!!!!! ALL BECAUSE I DON'T TELL THEM NO ENOUGH!!!!!

so i have decided how to up their daily intake of NO while not feeling like i'm unnecessarily limiting them:

"Trixie, Dixie....you guys want some bourbon? NO!"

works well and leaves more bourbon for me.

Everyone's a Critic

after a fun filled morning of playing, running, shits and giggles, i collapsed onto my couch with my legs splayed out. exhausted, because we started our day this morning at 530 am, per usual, i sat there looking down at the smiling faces of my girls. and my dear sweet angels, as payment for my love, attention and affection, reached out with their sweet little hands....and grabbed the roll that once was a flat toned stomach.

maybe they were wondering how things were going in their old room?

time to look up some 10 minute abs workouts on youtube.