WTF, Yahoo Buzz!

i happen to use Kosmix as my homepage on my home computer. while i'm not that excited about it as a start screen, i usually give it a glance in the 3 second space between opening my browsing and going to Gmail.

at the top of my page, i have about 4 tabs from different news sources. the first tab is news from Yahoo Buzz. and in addition to a quick blurb about a story, i am allowed the chance to read the last comment left by Yahoo readers on the site.

without fail, those comments are ALWAYS offensive. i'm beginning to wonder if perhpas they should change their name to Yahoo Buzz: a Subsidiary of Stormfront. not only are the comments offensive but often they are stupid as hell.

i checked Buzz Heil today and was met with the usual.

it really makes me curious: do they just sit around all day looking for stories online to post outlandish comments to? have they no lives? have they no jobs?

well, i don't need to read this crap. today is officially my last day as a Kosmix user. i'm gonna leave these Yahoo Buzz Bastids to themselves.

i hope they choke on the vitriol.

Michael Steele, my friend warned me about you.

i have a good friend from Maryland who told me months ago, while discussing Michael Steele, that that dude is a boot-licking uncle Tom bastard. I'm paraphrasing, but you catch her drift....

i have friends of different races. i have even been accused, tried, and convicted of liking "white music," and will admit that i have kissed the lips of the Caucasian male and lived to tell the tale!

but one of the things that stick in my craw is the black person who loves their white friends to the point where they feel like they have to start making racist jokes to fit in. it not only begs the question of where is the self-love and self-respect, but also....

why don't you have better quality white friends?

CHECK out this coon right here!

"Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele told a group of young Republicans that he would reach out to black voters by offering them fried chicken and potato salad. Asked by a blogger how he would reach out to "diverse populations," Steele said: "My plan is to say 'Y'all come,' because a lot of you are already here." After someone in the audience said, 'I'll bring the collard greens,' Steele added, 'I got the fried chicken and potato salad."'

because ya see, black folks are so easily swayed and unthinking, we can have our entire political ideology shifted by fried chicken, collard greens, and potato salad.

that's how the GOP got Steele. well, that and they gave him a white girl.

oh. well. thanks for answering that for me.

not long after i posted the question, Macon D gives the answer.

What's WRONG with these People??

as you have probably heard, the prez and the missus had another fantastic date night, taking in a show in NYC. here i was thinking it was a nice, romantic moment shared by two people clearly in love...well, thank the LERD for Rick Santorum, who let me know it not only served as an example but...kinda....overshot the mark?



Take it Rick!

Number one, I think it's great that the president has a date night with his wife. He's a role model.He's a role model in particular, whether he likes it or not, in the African-American community.

right on, right on...

Here we have a president of the United States who says that marriage is cool. You have respect for your wife, and you treat her with the respect and dignity that she deserves. And she is part of this team. And it's not just part of professional team, but it's also part of a personal, romantic team. I think that's all great. So I think it's important that he keeps having his date night.

yes, that is great. especially since we've never had a married president before. wait...wait, we have, but black people haven't been influenced by the marriages of white people. we only respond when we see other black people doing something. kinda like running away from a club shooting.

wait, what?

I think he has to realize that flying to New York is self-indulgent. Go down to the corner bar and have a drink, a shot and a beer. It does not matter where you go with your wife, is that it's with your wife. That's really the point... I would make the argument, the simpler the date, the more normal it is.

...did this dude just suggest that the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES should take THE FIRST LADY to a bar and just have a drink? why in the world would the man holding the most important office in our country do that, Rick?


It connects to people. Here is what you do. Here is how you do it. And it is not going to Broadway. All right, once in awhile, you do something special. But it is mundane that really makes the marriage special, but because you are with your wife the mundane isn't mundane. It's special.

so, by saying connects with people, he means black people. because black people don't go to new york and they don't go to broadway plays. and a black woman is not going to think it very special to fly her to another city and treat her to a broadway show! nah, nah, naaaaaaaah....here's what you do....here's how you do it: take her to Smitty's for a couple shots of aristocrat, then head on back to the criz-zib, play some big daddy kane, and work it OUT.

huh.

you know i just cannot take it. i cannot even begin to climb that mountain that this man has laid out in front of me. i can only say a few things before i completely degrade and start screaming at my computer:

1) rick santorum is no expert on marriage and no one asked his advice. so what's with the paternalistic, condescending attitude? why does this guy, who's about the same age as Obama, and who lost his re-election bid think he can tell the President how to date his wife?

2) by suggesting the president merely go to a bar for some shots instead of taking his wife to nyc to broadway is absurd. and i know he isn're really going to go there with something being "self-indulgent" when Dubya used Air Force One regularly to travel to and from his private ranch in Crawford, TX. do you now how much it costs to use Air Force One per hour? over $50,000. it's a 2 hour flight from DC. and he visited Crawford 77 times during his administration. do the math.

3) this script follows all too closely to what many people of color have experienced in this society by our paler, well-meaning neighbors. it's patronizing, infuriating, and biased thinking based on racist notions of the black community.

4) with regards to the usual complaints at this junction of any race conversation of someone "always playing the race card" i have this to say: if you don't want me to play the race card, quit dealing from that particular deck.

It's always the darkies that mess it up for others...or....i coulda been somebody!!

true conversation....

light-skinnded: you know, it really surprises me that this type of discrimination still occurs.

dark-skinnded: yes, it's sad.

light-skinnded: you know, honey: i have LIVED through a LOT of discrimination. i mean when i was younger, i had to enter the kitchen through the back doors when i wanted to eat.

dark-skinnded: really!

light-skinnded: yes! i literally had to go through the back doors, because you know, my sisters were dark-skinnded so yeah, i had to go through the back doors too.

dark-skinned: .....zat right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

dear light-skinnded:

allow me to apologize to you on behalf of your sisters and all dark-skinnded brothers and sisters in this country. but for our existence and, more egregiously, our familial relations to you, you could have walked with your head held high through the front doors of that restaurant, perhaps proving to the nice whites that you are just as good, smart, pretty, etc. as they found themselves to be.

but here we go with our "hey, sis," and our "mama said to get milk on the way home," and our "girl, why you standing way over there," blowing your cover. so close was social freedom you could literally almost taste it, am i right light-skinnded?

so, again: sorry about that. perhaps there is a such thing as reincarnation and we'll come back as dogs or goldfish or something. but then again, if we aren't around, who you gonna blame when you still get called nigger?

oh, of course! with us out of the way, there won't BE any niggers.

right, of course.

so, again...sorry, light-skinnded! didn't mean to ruin your day/life. whatever.

sincerely,

blackie mcdarkyson

Opposite Day!

regarding their investigation of the craigslist killer:

Detectives revealed that Brisman's friend, the day after her murder, forwarded them e-mail from the suspect. Sergeant Detective Daniel Duff told the Boston that tip let them "leapfrog" other steps they would usually take in an investigation and allowed them to zero in on Markoff as a suspect. After observing him for a few days—Duff said, "Everything we had up until that point was, yeah, he looks like the guy. We didn't want to jump to any conclusions, and so we couldn't just go down there and lock him based on, yes, he's 6-3 and blond."— they approached him on Monday, after the surviving victim identified him as her attacker.

well, huh. really?

they uh....they don't arrest people in Boston based on physical description?

well. good to know.

My Archetype Precedes Me

i went to lunch today with a coworker at an indian restaurant. this is one of our favorite restaurants in our city because the food is fabulous, the decor of the place is really cute, and the price is always right. so as we sit down and continue our conversation, we are joking and laughing about something. the waiter came over and laughed and laughed and laughed as well. then he looked at me and told me "you are very funny."

odd.

i'm pretty sure he didn't understand why what i was saying was funny since it was specific to a topic my coworker and i know about. and he wasn't a party to the conversation, so he couldn't have gathered the meaning by context. and yet, here he stood smiling eagerly in my face telling me i'm very funny.

and this continued throughout lunch. he would come by the table with water refills or to see if we needed anything, he'd make little comments to me about how funny i was if he saw that we were laughing. so very FUNNY!

and it didn't matter who had said the funny thing which caused us both to laugh; he would look at me and tell me i was funny. SO VERY FUNNY!!

during my trip to the restroom, he informed my coworker that she looks JUST LIKE a former neighbor of his....even told her the neighbor's name....and then asked her if that was HER name.

and this is one of the many reasons why some of us are pissed so often: nobody likes to feel like they are a fuckin template. do you see that i can't even go to lunch sometimes without being reminded of my station, based on what someone thinks they know about you because of your race?!

see this type of prejudice is really tricky. i am aware that his intentions were not to offend or make his customer's uncomfortable. he was merely demonstrating that he has accepted certain notions about other people of color as the gospel and was trying to relate to us based on those notions. i am positive that were i to have reacted negatively to what he perceived as compliments, then i would have downshifted from Funny Black Girl to Angry Black Bitch.

and if i'd asked why i was so funny, i would have been Crazy Black Bitch.

but while he was flailing about trying to relate to us, he didn't understand the shift within me caused by his words. because frankly, while i like being a funny black girl, i did not want to be The Funny Black Girl Archetype.

i just wanted some tikka masala, shit!

What's WRONG with these People??

i recently told a friend of mine that i was so perplexed by the stylings of some conservative politicians, pundits, celebrities, and lunatics that i was going to start blogging about it whenever one of them did or said something cah-razy. and today's first post goes to, of course, our man about the crackerhouse: Glenn Beck!





during a recent show, Beck got so pissed when someone had the gall to criticize him, he did what any one of us would do in that situation: he held up a picture of Martin Luther King, Jr. beside his face and said this!

"I have a dream today. I have a dream that we can stop playing not just the blame the messenger game; I have a dream that we can stop playing the game of blame the messenger who's specifically saying the opposite message."

glenn, you're level of deepness is way to deep to even acknowledge. keep it crazy, homeslice.

black "canadians"...an exercise in redundant redundancy....part I

i read an interesting blog post a few moments ago that blew my mind. in it, the blog author discussed how and the possible reasons why some white people call black people "Canadians." now, the idea alone that "white people call black people Canadians" was confusing enough.

Macon D writes in his blog, "What we have here is an example of a phenomenon that I've noted before, that of "whispering the word 'black.'" In certain situations, some white people use "Canadians" to refer covertly to black people when they think they shouldn't use another word. That other word probably isn't "black people" or "African Americans," but instead, a "worse" word. A more overtly racist word."

how is it possible that i have made it 36 years and have never heard that this is an expression used by some when they want to be slick and not use the N-word?? have i been sheltered? is this a regional thing?

have i actually every heard this euphamism before and just assumed the people talking were really talking about Canadians!?

i'm really conflicted about whether or not i'm angry, sad, or just resigned. i'm gonna work on this one a few days and blog back...

Tea Baggers taking to the streets April 15th!!

i found this nice little gem earlier today on Crooks and Liars. i had no idea how much fun tea baggers are. there's an extra warm spot in my heart for the dude who, while talking about Obama, almost said "criminal record" rather than "college record."

*sigh*...he's so dreamy.

logical reasoning: ur doing it wrong!

so, because you didn't get a tip by individuals at your table, you've been forced to develop racist notions against an entire race of people...the type of people who live in ghettos...

listen, you can't blame someone for "making" you racist. but punking out and using an euphemism instead of what you really want to say DOES makes you a coward.

Do You Know what You Think You Know?

about a year ago, i had a conversation with a friend about the oft-reported stats regarding black women and the chances we have of marrying and having children compared to other women of other races. the stats we discussed, of course, were pretty grim. Yet, my friend in all seriousness said "yeah, but i don't know if i even believe those numbers. who's to say they are accurate?"

whaaaaaat? what is this crazy theory to spout? question STATISTICS????

her statement led to a greater conversation about how the "negro condition" is more usually viewed through a lens of dysfunction rather than positivity and how people just accept the negative information as if it's gospel. this week i was made aware of an amazing example of this phenomenon in action.

how many of us have heard the statement "In the United States, there are more Black Men in Prison than there are In College?" and how many of us have said to ourselves and others "That's a Shame and We MUST Find an Answer to this Problem!"

now what if i told you that that particular "fact" about black men is based on data which was skewed?

what if i told you that, using comparable data to include other variables other than just race, the ratio of black men in college actually overshadows those in prison?

"The numbers in question from the Justice Policy Institute report come from the Bureau of Justice Statistics and the National Center for Education Statistics. The report indicates that there were an estimated 791,600 black men in jail and prison in 2000 and a count of 603,032 in college in 1999. Mr. Morton agrees with the jail and prison number but asserts in his blog that the more reliable U.S. Census Bureau reports that there were 816,000 black men in college in 2000. In the film, he makes comparisons using the same data sources for 2005 and states this number to be 864,000. Furthermore, he argues that it is bad practice to use the entire age range of black males when making these comparisons, because the age range for college-going males is generally 18 to 24, not the 18 to 55 (and up) range of the jail and prison population. Viewed this way, the ratio of black men in college compared with jail and prison is 4-to-1."
- Michael Strambler (Baltimore Sun)

now what i'm not going to do is get into the possible conspiracy theories that could explain how and why the popular "fact" came to be part of our everyday knowledge. but i do find it curious that something as simple as drawing comparisons between two groups which are not exactly alike, something that would get a freshman called to the carpet in an entry level college statistical analysis class, could get past data analysts and peer reviewers.

and i find it sad that most of us accepted that information as fact as soon as we heard it. many of us didn't even bat an eye and thing to ourselves "now what a minute!"

it's caused me to take a second look at many facts i have internalized throughout my life. and it's made me committed to not just accepting negative information as unequivocal fact just because it's supported by statistical data which may or may not have been manipulated to support the fact!

i'm not saying i'm going to turn into a homeless, deranged conspiracy theorist. i'm just saying: i'm gonna look a little bit deeper from here on out. and i invite you to do the same.

There it is Again: That Creeping Sense of Insecurity

this is the time in trixie and dixie's young lives that it seems like all eyes are on their mental development. when someone asks you if your kid at this age is "talking yet," you can't help but feel compelled to answer yes and then LIST all the words they know. just so they know that you do read books, you are on top of things, and you kid WILL be a member of cabinet by the time he or she reached middle school.

but one thing i saw over the weekend caused me to get that faint (yes i said FAINT) line of worry between my eyes: am i saying no nearly enough to the kids?

now it's not like i haven't heard this complaint before, about my perceived permissiveness. but i always get that unsolicited not-exactly-constructive criticism from the girls' dad, a known pessimist who's outlook on life is The Toilet Is Half Full Of Shit. seriously, if you catch him smiling, it's because he finds humor in the fact that God has chosen him and only him to punish.

but all that's another blog....

so, he is always good to inform me that i need to tell the kids no so that they will learn. instead of going and getting trixie while she's trying to turn the tv off and on, leave her alone but TELL her no: she will learn.

instead of shutting the doors to rooms i'd rather they not go into, keep them open and TELL them no when they are touching something you don't want them to...or you know, drowning in the toilet or something.

on and on and on. and i usually roll my eyes and do what i do. because really? who's the Mommy around here? that's right: me.

and then here comes Gerber with their clever commercials for baby products i don't really need. the mom in the commercial sat facing the camera with her back to her toddler. and every other word in the commercial was a command to stop. AND THE BABY STOPPED DOING WHAT HE WAS DOING.

not only was i impressed with the fact that the child listened, i was impressed with the sound of authority in her voice while talking to him. and then, there it was: maybe i'm NOT saying no enough, perhaps i'm too permissive, are they gonna be those jerky 3 year olds who everyone hates to be around because of me, oh god they're gonna drop outta high school and run away with 50 year old pot-smoking convicts!!!!! ALL BECAUSE I DON'T TELL THEM NO ENOUGH!!!!!

so i have decided how to up their daily intake of NO while not feeling like i'm unnecessarily limiting them:

"Trixie, Dixie....you guys want some bourbon? NO!"

works well and leaves more bourbon for me.

But His Mouth Gets off Scott Free??

Shahrazad Ali wrote at book in the late 80s called The Blackman's Guide to Understanding the Blackwoman. In it, she informed men that if a woman is being verbally offensive, it is appropriate and necessary for him to correct her by slapping her in the mouth.

Ok, so the domestic violence implications aside..as well as the fact that Shahrazad is a *little* fuckin crazy...consider this:

"Controversial radio host Don Imus announced on his radio show this morning that he is battling stage II prostate cancer.

"He speculated that the cancer could be a result of stress."

Or....could it have been the one million and one curses flung at him through time and space from a group of "nappy-headed hoes" in New York?

well whatever the cause of Imus' illness, i do know one thing for sure: his mouth sure dodged a hell of a bullet!

Everyone's a Critic

after a fun filled morning of playing, running, shits and giggles, i collapsed onto my couch with my legs splayed out. exhausted, because we started our day this morning at 530 am, per usual, i sat there looking down at the smiling faces of my girls. and my dear sweet angels, as payment for my love, attention and affection, reached out with their sweet little hands....and grabbed the roll that once was a flat toned stomach.

maybe they were wondering how things were going in their old room?

time to look up some 10 minute abs workouts on youtube.

same as it ever was....same as it ever was....same as it ever was.....

FAIL

this cute as a button kid model is being called a dead ringer for sasha obama.

apparently, we shouldn't let the fact that she looks nothing like sasha stop us from saying she does...or...something.

and the booking agents apparently aren't letting the fact that she looks nothing like sasha stop them from booking her for photo shoots portraying the first kid.

reminds me of the time i was told at a wedding reception that i look just like that lovely girl will smith is married to...what's that? why yes, i WAS the only black person at the wedding! how did you know?

I'm working on a Risperdal mist

to say that i work in a safe and healthy environment would be a stretch...and by stretch, i mean "a damnable lie." there are so many lines of division in this place that it looks like cheesecloth. and most of these lines of division are created to ensure negativity and discord amongst employees.

i try to maintain a positive attitude and be friendly to people i'd much rather set on fire and i am beginning to believe that that kindness is definitely being taken as weakness. and that puts me in a situation where i can either maintain my professionalism or lose it completely.

and the fact that i have to come into this environment to work for a paycheck that is mostly gone within 72 hours of getting paid is grating.

and by grating...i mean fucked up.

well, the good news is that baring a layoff, i only have to keep doing this for the next, what, 30 years or so.

yay.

life's even harder when you pick the wrong battles

the last few weeks have been pretty tough on me. the reality of life has caused me to let go of some of the few comforts i allowed myself: a snazzy bells and whistles cell phone service and wonderfabulous cable television.

after realizing that i am a financially busted mother of two who is not allowed to have those things because my money is tied up in survival, despite the fact that i have two degrees and earn a "middle class" salary...

i felt depression. sadness. embarrassment.

the whole situation and ensuing self-pity gave me pause to think about the times when my mother wasn't even able to provide things for me and how she must have felt. times were hard but not because she didn't work; because her earnings didn't always kept pace with the cost of living. i remember more than one christmas when there weren't any presents. and sometimes where wasn't that much food. and sometimes no phone or lights.

but no matter what, she made sure we had a place to live. we were fortunate enough to never have to worry about sleeping in shelters or having our things set out on the street by our landlord.

so putting that all in perspective, i'm embarrassed for a whole other reason: i'm embarrassed that instead of being thankful that i can provide housing, food, transportation, and clothing for my children, i'm bent out of shape about a cell phone and the fact that i'm not going to be able to watch the new season of Big Love ....shudder....yeah, it still stings a bit.

and i'm embarrassed that i have the gall to feel sorry for myself when i know now more than ever my mother carried a much greater financial burden than i do.

as i learn these lessons, i wish i could go back and tell my mother that everything is ok and that she IS doing a great job as a mother and provider. but since i can't, the least i can say to myself in the midst of my pity-party is "GET OVER YOURSELF."

everything is ok. i AM doing a great job as a mother and a provider.

and there's always Hulu!

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH???

Boss - did you go upstairs to get ice?

Worker X - yes, but i didn't get any. there's a problem with the ice machine.

Boss - did you check to see if it was full?

Worker X- no, there was a sign on the front that said "stop: do not open."

Boss - look, it's a yes or no question: did you check to see if it was full??

WorkerX....no, i followed directions.