Public Service Announcement

i've had it. i have had it with poeple doing crazy shit trying to be edgy. so today, i'm taking it upon myself to institute a new rule! i hereby decree that as of today, beautiful people are not allowed to get their faces tattooed anymore. if you are Merkin, and it is not part of your majority- or sub-culture to tattoo your face, then back away from the ink!

some classic examples of beauty gone wrong?

Danger....C'mon, Danger! why in the hell did you get a tiger on your face?! You're lucky your VH1 nickname wasn't Olde English.

Devante, this is no okay! aside from the scribble on your temple, your face is a screaming testament to the ills of cheap drugs and fast women. nigro, how OLD are you now? how did you manage to age 7 years to every 1 year in everyone else's life!

you were hotness, Devante. and i was in love with you from 1992 until roughly 1996. i even overlooked Dalvin looking like a malnurished skeevy version of you.

Mike Tyson?
you are GOOD. get as many tattoos on your face as you want. no loss. believe me.

but you DEFINITELY went too far, Little Six Hair Baby. too far...

They're Like Humans Except Different

i was looking at a slideshow of a house owned by a woman i'd never even heard of until just now. which is unfortunate, because now i'm heaping scorn upon a person who i didn't even know existed until about 15 minutes ago.

petty, they name is Boca.

anyway, after clicking through this amazing opulent and depressing slideshow, i realized something...well, a couple of things:

my apartment is the size of a rich person's bathroom, and rich people tawk diffrant.

i like to think of myself as a person who can turn a phrase and whip out an SAT word on yo ass in a heartbeat....eponymous WHAT....but some of the words in this pictorial left me completely stumped.

for instance, what do these words mean?

- toile de Jouy

- Chinoiserie

- bargello

- yew

- allée

- pollarded

after reading these words and drawing a blank, i was so relieved to see that one of their horses is named "Sid." Sid. three letters that add up. S-I-D. it even looks like it's smiling at me.

put one check in the win column!

but how does it come to pass that a person down to earth enough to have a horse named Sid minced their way through an "allee of pollarded plane trees" in the freakin back yard???

then, i realized what was happening. these rich so and suches are speaking to each other in a special coded language that only sounds like clicks and whistles to my broke ass eardrums!

well fine FINE. i don't give a damn what they're talking about. and i DON'T care that Gela has curtains in her bathroom made from the court train of the Queen of Italy.

i have a shower curtain in my bathroom made from nightmares of Queen Anna.

do you think you could live my life, Gela?

do you?