Today's Moment in Deliciousness

*sigh*

you dizzy yet?

so, yesterday i was reading a blog on the website Jezebel in which one of the writers responded to a lambasting written about the site and it's writers by Linda Hirshman on Salon's new offshoot feminist blog XX.

in Hirshman's piece, she discusses her problem with Jezebel, its impact on its readers, and how the attitudes and behaviors they seem to advocate actually do more harm to the feminist movement than they may realize. one sticking point in particular for Hirshman is the Jezebel writers' stance that a woman who is raped is not obligated to report the crime but yet rail at institutions for not doing more to decrease instances of rape:

"Moe Tkacik was apparently date-raped and says she has had unprotected sex, and Tracie Egan, in her words, 'decided to go home with someone I never would have, had my vision not been impaired by 14 hours of drinking.' Jezebel editor Megan Carpentier was raped and did not report it to the police. ...How can writers who justify not reporting rape criticize the military for not controlling…rape? It’s incoherent."

"Suggest that women report the men who rape them for the sake of future victims, say, or that women should be asked why they stay with the men who abuse them, or urged to leave them, and the Jezebels go ballistic. Judgmental, judgmental!"

Megan wrote for Jezebel in response "Sigh. As many know, today a Slate writer offered that someone assaulted at the age of 17 who didn't report it should never be taken seriously or, really, allowed to write about the subject. What?"

she then goes on to discuss the problematic conclusions Hirshman comes to based on her readings of Jezebel and basically concludes:

"I assume that Hirshman's attack — based solely on my experience with sexual assault and my audacity to suggest that haranguing victims of violence to leave their abusive partners might not be helpful — isn't meant to show the Jezebel audience that I'm not to be trusted to speak about sexual assault in the military or anything else. I assume it is an attempt to shut me up. And as much as she throws the occasional firebomb at Ross Douthat or Chris Matthews, she seems to save her real rhetorical ire for women with opinions different than her. "

i love how smart women duke it out in a tsunami of words instead of razorblades and high heel shoes...

so to sum up: a writer on a blog wrote about writers on another blog, saying they didn't have the right to write about the problem of rape because they'd been raped and didn't even report it.
and the writers of that other blog said "hey, just because we all got raped and didn't report it don't mean we can't talk about the problems of rape! get it right!"

i can dig it....and yet....

via Jezebel, same day, in the post How Hair Affects African American Girls' Self-Esteem:

Taking a cue from Chris Rock's documentary Good Hair, today's Tyra examined how black women — including little girls — feel about their hair, and the (at times painful) lengths they go to alter it.

I have no idea what it's like to have hair that's considered difficult to manage (aside from flatness), but it was easy to empathize with the little girls on this show because, as women, most of us are subjected to the idea that we're not measuring up to certain standards of beauty, whatever they may be. And while I could understand Tyra's outrage over a mother who chemically relaxes her 3-year-old daughter's hair, TyTy's stance on the hair issue was confusing, since she's just about the weaviest person on the planet; in fact, she regularly gives white women weaves on America's Next Top Model.

you still with me? ok, once again from the top:

a writer who blogs about writers on another blog, saying they shouldn't be talking about the problem of rape because those writers were raped and didn't report it is TOTALLY OUT OF POCKET.

but then those same writers write about a women on a tv show who's topic is loving your hair texture, stating she shouldn't really be taken seriously because she wears a weave.

being raped, not reporting it, and then complaining about rape, according to Hirshman, is "incoherent."

having a weave, giving white women weaves, then hosting a show whose topic is hair's impact on african american girls' self esteem, according to Jezebel, is "confusing."

to quote Megan: "what?"

why, that's just plain old hypocrisy, ammiryt?! stop it right now.

just an fyi...erm....just because you see a black woman wearing a weave, it's not an automatic that she's doing it because she hates her own hair texture or believes straighter hair is "good hair." and i certainly don't think it disqualifies her from stating her opinion about what the western standard of beauty is doing to the psyche of young black girls and women in this country.

but we all knew that, right? .........ammiryt?

Facebook Searches are FUN!

for the past few months, i've been looking online for a long lost friend to see if he's caved to the pressure and created a facebook account. so far, no such luck.

however, every time i search i am greeted with this image, which never ceases to crack me up!

if anyone happens to know the arizona brian french, could you tell him to consider changing his profile pic? because i'm pretty sure charlie brown can't change his outfit.

life's even harder when you pick the wrong battles

the last few weeks have been pretty tough on me. the reality of life has caused me to let go of some of the few comforts i allowed myself: a snazzy bells and whistles cell phone service and wonderfabulous cable television.

after realizing that i am a financially busted mother of two who is not allowed to have those things because my money is tied up in survival, despite the fact that i have two degrees and earn a "middle class" salary...

i felt depression. sadness. embarrassment.

the whole situation and ensuing self-pity gave me pause to think about the times when my mother wasn't even able to provide things for me and how she must have felt. times were hard but not because she didn't work; because her earnings didn't always kept pace with the cost of living. i remember more than one christmas when there weren't any presents. and sometimes where wasn't that much food. and sometimes no phone or lights.

but no matter what, she made sure we had a place to live. we were fortunate enough to never have to worry about sleeping in shelters or having our things set out on the street by our landlord.

so putting that all in perspective, i'm embarrassed for a whole other reason: i'm embarrassed that instead of being thankful that i can provide housing, food, transportation, and clothing for my children, i'm bent out of shape about a cell phone and the fact that i'm not going to be able to watch the new season of Big Love ....shudder....yeah, it still stings a bit.

and i'm embarrassed that i have the gall to feel sorry for myself when i know now more than ever my mother carried a much greater financial burden than i do.

as i learn these lessons, i wish i could go back and tell my mother that everything is ok and that she IS doing a great job as a mother and provider. but since i can't, the least i can say to myself in the midst of my pity-party is "GET OVER YOURSELF."

everything is ok. i AM doing a great job as a mother and a provider.

and there's always Hulu!