A Pimp Called Govnah Sanford

i told my boss a few weeks ago, i said "boss! boss man! i need to take the week off with pay because i need to take my snuggle honey bunny outta town for some across state lines nookie, ya know what i'm saying!" and my boss said "bitch! you are not on break, so stop talking to me! now get back to work!"

true story.

which is why i gotta get a job like Mark Muthafuckin Sanford!!


bailamos, let the rhythm take you over, bailamosssssss.....


COLUMBIA, S.C. -- South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford has canceled his schedule this week to take a personal trip with his wife, three weeks after announcing his affair with an Argentine woman.
Spokesman Joel Sawyer said Wednesday the governor would be taking off the rest of this week for a trip out of state with first lady Jenny Sanford.
The Sanfords spent the July Fourth weekend in Florida, where Jenny Sanford's parents live. The governor and first lady were married in Florida 20 years ago. They have said they are trying to reconcile.
Sanford left the state June 18, returning six days later. He admitted to an extramarital affair with a woman he called his "soul mate" and said he misled his staff into thinking he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail.
Sawyer says state meetings Sanford had scheduled this week have been postponed until next week.

he is so fortunate that the business of running a state hasn't gotten in the way AT ALL with his and his wife's and his soul-mate's love lives.

but i think we can all agree, the voters (yes, all 19 of them) of South Carolina are the luckiest of all!

can't a governor go shake his nuts outta trees in peace?

ok, let's recap for those of you keeping track.

THINGS THAT SOUTH CAROLINA HATES:

- federal cash

- schools with proper sewage systems

- black bike week*

- gorillas

- non-black people having suspiciously black relatives

- Scooby Absconding

- underwear?

Sanford disappears to hike Appalachian Trail (on Naked Hiking Day)

We’re not suggesting that the formerly missing Governor of South Carolina specifically ditched his family and security detail to go hiking on Naked Hiking Day. It’s just that one of the days he hit the trail also happened to be the aforementioned holiday. [Editor’s note: This paragraph was changed to make clear that the governor’s timing was a coincidence.]

Until late yesterday, no one would say publicly where he was. Poof. He just disappeared.
The story started to resemble a John Grisham novel. A southern conservative governor and very vocal critic of a popular liberal president eluded his security detail and completely disappeared with his last known whereabouts — before he (or someone) turned off his cell phones — somewhere outside of Atlanta.

Staff was silent. Some were talking about succession plans. The First Lady though said she wasn’t concerned. “He was writing something and wanted some space to get away from the kids,” she said.

But many wondered aloud how this traditional, family-loving, Republican governor of a southern state could miss Fathers Day. After all he’s got four children! Was something sinister in the air?

Then it took a Farrelly brothers screenplay type of twist. Sanford had not disappeared. According to his spokesman, he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail. Coincidentally, on Naked Hiking Day.

It’s a big tradition. Many hikers celebrate the summer solstice by hiking au naturel. It just so happened the solstice occurred on Fathers Day — one of the days Sanford was hiking.

and there you have it. while the rest of the state was running on auto-pilot, Governor Sanford (allegedly) packed his bags and went to go let his bags swing on the appalachian trail.

i'm betting that Us Weekly is going to print an exclusive interview next week with the woman who's been meeting Sanford for the last few years at this event and thought his name was Guillermo.

on an unfortunate aside, i'm beginning to see a disturbing trend in the things SC hates....

nonetheless! never change, South Carolina (as if you would, right?).

*incidentally, i TOTALLY agree with the black bike week hatred.

Christian Science Monitor

if you see me with a far away look in my eyes....

that's because in my mind, i'm here.


(via Kharon)

I Know, it's Hard to Believe!

but i have nothing to say. and haven't had anything to say for the last few days. as you were...