Act like a monkey, think like a jackal

this morning on the steve harvey morning show, a woman wrote in for advice in her love life. she stated she'd been raped by a childhood friend and was slowly but surely piecing her life back together. she wanted to know if, now that she's met a young man she fancies, it was necessary to tell him about her rape history.

i missed the specific response to the question but i did here mr. steve harvey "keeping it real" with regards to child rapists.

basically, any man can get sex from a willing adult female for $20. why would he have to take it, especially from a 5 year old.

yes, yes, that's right, the dude who made a kajillion dollars recently giving relationship advice, who has been on Oprah and other talk shows telling womens about ourselves, has the solution to the rape of girl children:

the sexual exploitation of desperate adult women.

because believe me, a woman who is having sex with strangers for $20 is desperate, broken,....and very likely a survivor of childhood sexual trauma.

shet up, steve harvey. leave the theorizing on the reasons behind and solutions to childhood rape to people who already know it's not about sex.

stick with what you know: cosmetic dentistry and love handles.

i'm not usually this type of girl...but....

Intimidator...i think i love you. will you marry me? Let's meet in south carolina, next spring.

ok?

scariest thing i've seen today!

the driver is 16, the passenger is 17, the odometer says 60 mph, and they are on the highway.

*spasm*

the sanfords are wack

just when i thought the clusterfuck that is mark sanford imploding and basically sending love note missives to his maria in arhentina through hastily assembled press conferences couldn't get any more clusterfucky, now the one person i was hoping had a grasp on reality has let it be known that she too is a total loontard.

Picture it, South Carolina, 2009....your husband sneaks out of the state for 5 days, flies to Arhentina to visit his mistress, then comes back and tells everyone with a microphone the mistress is his soul mate but he's gonna try to fall back in love with you, refers to his affair as a love story at the end of the day, tells everyone how he even tried to get you to meet the mistress once or twice or eight times, and then further puts your business on the street by admitting there were other women floating through your marriage of 20 years.

so what do you? well if you're jenny sanford, you say something cuhrazy like this:

"Mark has stated that his intent and determination is to save our marriage, and to make amends to the people of South Carolina. I hope he can make good on those intentions, and for the sake of our boys."

ya hearing this? he SAID it's his intention of saving the marriage...even though he lied about his whereabouts over father's day weekend to fly to south america to kick it with maria belen. AND AFTER HE WAS EXPRESSLY FORBIDDEN TO DO IT, THAT CAD!

well there ya go, that's got sincerity written all over it.

Jenny Sanford: going from American Hero to typical politician doormat in 1 easy step.

don't worry, fish with three eyes is the new normal.

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. -- Tennessee environmental officials say toxin levels in fish sampled after a massive coal ash spill in the Emory River are generally safe, though testing is continuing, additional results are pending and conditions could change.

The Tennessee Department of Environment and Conservation's test results are the first to be reported from fish caught after the Dec. 22 spill of 5.4 million cubic yards of coal ash sludge from a storage area at the Tennessee Valley Authority's Kingston Fossil Plant, about 40 miles west of Knoxville.

The TDEC report released Thursday said results from the state's Environmental Protection Agency-certified laboratory are not definitive, but there is "no justification, at present, to modify" limits on consumption of fish caught in the Emory and downstream Clinch River that existed before the spill.

Analysis of bass, catfish and sunfish caught from January through April found the level of metals "below human health protection standards," with the exception of two catfish with slightly elevated mercury.

The report said levels of selenium were well below EPA toxicity standards for protection of fish and other aquatic life.

Earlier this month, independent researchers from Appalachian State and Wake Forest universities said their own sampling found much higher levels of toxins, particularly selenium. They said that fish populations in the Emory were at a "tipping point" for survival and that their ability to reproduce was in jeopardy.

The ash spill from a retention wall breach flooded into the Emory River and a lakeside neighborhood, damaging homes and covering 300 acres. TVA estimates the cleanup, with ash as much as 30 feet deep in the river, could take up to three years and cost $1 billion.
While tests to date show no sign of increased health risks to people and aquatic life, "they are not predictors of the future," the TDEC report said.

ask and you shall get something close.

i put it out there on friday that i wanted an ice cream cone cupcake for mother's day. what i found myself enjoying this afternoon was red velvet flavored ice cream in a chocolate dipped waffle cone.

this ice cream flavor was so amazing, it literally tasted just like a slice of red velvet cake. maggie moo is one creative cow.

and the best part was i enjoyed my ice cream without the stomach ache. yes, even my lactose hating guts gave me a break today.

mother's day weekend has been pretty banner.

i know what i want for mother's day!

oh, man......

i left work early, stood in line 4 hours, and got a raincheck for THIS?

do you really think oprah would eat this crap? her richie-rich tastebuds would run screaming from her big rich head at the mere notion.

THIS is supposed to be kfc's healthier chicken. see? it's not fried, it's grilled. er...gried? and don't those "chargrilled" marks look like what the demon scratched out on the little girl's stomach in The Exorcist?

why must the proletariat always eat crap?!

Introducing La Torta Flaca

last week i had the opportunity to go to a local authentic Mexican restaurant for a very delicious lunch. while there, i was introduced to the wonder and magic of the Torta. Basically it's a large delicious meaty sandwich. I say delicious because while i didn't order it during my lunch, it certainly looked delicious as hell! so much so that it inspired me to create my own Torta in honor of the majesty, the creativity, and the sheer gall to include virtually every animal known to man on two oblong pieces of bread.

Behold: La Torta Flaca

steak, one large ground beef patty, bacon bits, 3 sliced hot dogs, 4 turkey sausage patties, five pieces of pork bacon, grilled chicken, meatloaf, taco seasoning, a fried egg, lettuce, mustard, tomato, guacamole, left side paralysis, heart attack...

yeah, that's everything. SOUNDS DELICIOUS!!!

But it's the GOOD Type of Cholesterol, right??

i reckon calling it Death in Hell Juice, while honest, wouldn't have done much to help move the product off the shelves? well DONE, armour!!