or fix it second...or third....

poor dear, why doesn't anyone have the heart to tell her??

Of course she did

Kerrine Steffans was on the Hoda and Kathy Lee Wasted an Hour of My Life Today Show recently talking about about her newest book. she has written about how to find, seduce, and keep a man.

of course she did.

anyhoo, she called herself giving Hoda, who she called "mature," some relationship advice. allow me to paraphrase:

if you don't slow down your bossy ways and let a man be a man, you are gonna end up alone for the rest of your life because no man will want you.

oh, yes she did.

Hoda made this what in the F face when Karrine said this that basically summed up my thoughts: superhead finally got eddie winslow to marry her and now she thinks she's in a position to give Hoda Muhfkn Kotb DATING...WAIT... ANY ADVICE???

"i'm super smart! and i'm very witty!" - actual quote

Karrine "i put my man's anal beads on blast in a video i posted to the internet" Steffans?

Karrine "i wrote not one but two books about how i had sex with anything moving in the rap game but i'll get pissed if you mention it now" Steffans?

well, alrighty then. Karrine Steffans is now an expert on relationships because she's handled more dick than a 900 year old rabbi.

sure. i'll buy that for a dollar.

Vitiligo?

welp. that explains the blond hair and nose job.

don't nobody say nothing else about MJ!

modeling FAIL

nice effort, but not everyone needs to be modeling scoop neck jumpsuits. especially those of us who have stretch marks on our necks.

Look! It's a Witch Parade!!

you can tell they're witches because they're using three different types of font on that sheet.
pure witchery.

ask and you shall get something close.

i put it out there on friday that i wanted an ice cream cone cupcake for mother's day. what i found myself enjoying this afternoon was red velvet flavored ice cream in a chocolate dipped waffle cone.

this ice cream flavor was so amazing, it literally tasted just like a slice of red velvet cake. maggie moo is one creative cow.

and the best part was i enjoyed my ice cream without the stomach ache. yes, even my lactose hating guts gave me a break today.

mother's day weekend has been pretty banner.

Look Everyone, It's a Witch!!!

that's how Madonna turned herself into a pre-ad while simultaneously turning Carlos Leon into "Papi - the youngest old man in the nursing home."

and don't act like you've never heard of the charms of the youngest old man in the nursing home...he got all the nursing aides' digits and always gets extra dessert on his dinner tray!

be kind to yourself.

...and stop wearing high heels, too.

word.

Let's Throw a Ticker Tape Parade in Honor of the Weave!

when did they start making weaves out of kevlar?

Speeding Bullet Stopped by Hair Weave

KANSAS CITY, Mo., Feb. 19 (UPI) -- Police in Kansas City, Mo., said a woman's tight hair weave stopped a bullet, rescuing her from injury and likely saving her life.
Officers said they arrived at the Country View Market at about 11:30 p.m. Wednesday to find the woman's boyfriend had allegedly shot out the back window of a car, KSHB-TV, Kansas City, reported Thursday.
Investigators said the woman wasn't injured after her hair weave stopped the bullet and her boyfriend was taken into custody.

chick had Super Weave by Jorel Industries. i bet this stuff is flying off the shelves at the local dollar general store!

i once had a bad hair weave attached to my poor little scalp by that demon spit known as weave glue. and while i was convinced that i could swing my head a certain way and use the yaki locks as some type of kung fu weapon of extreme defense, i had no idea that little piece of dog hair coulda saved my LIFE!

let this be a lesson to those of us who turn our noses up at our sisters in weaves. what's protecting YOUR scalp?

Now You Done Made Me Mad!

octomom, she of the "no income, except for the non-welfare welfare she receives, but who totally plans on temporarily supporting her kids via student loans because everyone knows a woman with 14 kids has SCADS of time to get a degree" fame has now taken her crazyshow to the next level:

behold: Octomom Pimpin.

the sight of those kids struggling to survive while she shills for cash is what really makes me want to get her ass kicked. can someone PLEASE give chris brown her number and address?

well, like they say in texas: now i hate dr. phil too.

i tried to watch dr. phil last night and just couldn't take it. his guests at the beginning of the show were ann coulter and alan colmes. and while i'm used to seeing ann on talk shows, i am not used to watching shows in which she has a large amount of support coming from the audience. it seemed like the more outlandish and offensive she became, the more some in the audience absolutely loved it.

and of all the people he could have had on the show representing counterpoint, he chooses alan colmes?? well, that was useless.

gone are the days when ann coulter had to shut the hell up because her jaw was wired shut. she's going from show to show using the same lines over and over again....(yes, yes, last 12 kings of Swaziland, i've heard that one 3 times already)...basically making herself and her career relevant again on the coattails of President Obama.

when i heard those people in the audience cheering as she defended sarah palin's vacuousness as authenticity, i just kept reminding myself of one thing ann wrote last year:

In an April 2, 2008 column, she characterized Barack Obama's book Dreams From My Father as a "Dimestore Mein Kampf." Coulter writes, "He says the reason black people keep to themselves is that it's 'easier than spending all your time mad or trying to guess whatever it was that white folks were thinking about you.' Here's a little inside scoop about white people: We're not thinking about you. Especially WASPs. We think everybody is inferior, and we are perfectly charming about it."

ok, so it's clear that i'm not her audience. and i'm not even going to go there about someone who says that but then runs her trap about the horrors of jeremiah wright (wait, who?). but now that dr. phil has given her a welcome platform for her nonsense, i'm not part of his audience either. and that's a shame, because dr. phil has some of the best make-up artists and hairstylists out there! his team can take a guest with 2 pieces of hair and 5 teeth and make them look like marilyn monroe! AND THOSE ARE THE MEN!

i guess i'll just have to find other crappy tv shows to watch at 8 pm.