If you get the stitches then you have to do the dishes.

You know that moment when you are so hungry, the only think you can fixate on is eating that one meal that will make it all okay? the one meal that is going to make it the clanging and desperation in your stomach disappear...and then here comes someone messing it all up with their annoying bullshit and bothersome drama and screaming and running and blooWAIT WHAT?!?

Stanley Neace, a Kentucky Man Shoots, Kills Five over Wife’s Botched Breakfast

A man who was fighting his landlord over an eviction order to oust him from his home because of his explosive temper apparently went too far on Saturday.


Stanley Neace became upset over the way his wife had prepared his breakfast eggs so he shot her to death, together with his stepdaughter and three of his neighbors.

Trooper Jody Sims of the Kentucky State Police told the press that the 47 year old Neace murdered the five in Eastern Kentucky at about 11.30am on Saturday. He then went home and turned the gun on himself. Police found his body on the porch of his Jackson, KY trailer.

According to Sherri Ann Robinson, who is related to one of the shooting victims, the assailant was distressed over the way his breakfast was prepared and had scared his wife Sandra so much that she ran to a neighbor’s home for help.

Neace pursued his wife and in the end five people lay dead –his wife Sandra, her daughter also called Sandra, and neighbors Dennis Turner, Teresa Fugate and Tammy Kilborn.

wow. so "botched breakfast" is the new euphemism for "domsetic violence." that's a horrifying shame. i'm getting so sick and tired of these stories of men blanking out and taking violent measures against loved ones when all they're trying to do is eat some....pigs feet....in....bed....
 
Woman cuts drunk man while eating pigs' feet in bed, police say

Police in Rock Hill are investigating after they say a man eating pig's feet in bed was assaulted.

Officers with the Rock Hill Police Department were called out to a home along Twitty Court on Saturday, to the report of a man stabbed.


When officers arrived they spoke to the suspect, whose name has not been released, who says she was sitting in bed with Tommy Barber, 50, eating pig's feet.

While they were eating, the suspect told police the knife accidentally cut Barber, resulting in a deep cut on his arm.

Barber was unable to give officers a statement because he was highly intoxicated, the police report stated.

The suspect was charged with Assault and Battery of a High and Aggravated Nature. Police are still investigating the case.

well.

look i'm not going to act like i haven't experienced severe food related disappointment. i'm not even going to go into the little "incident" in which i choked out a waitress at IHOP because i'd ordered my eggs fried hard but received them runny as snot. but that was the past. i've grown. and i'm still on probation.

anyhoo, i'm just saying that perhaps instead of shooting each other and stabbing each other and beating each other and detroying property over chicken nuggets...we should perhaps relax and put things in perspective.

i mean other than the eggs, none of this stuff was real food anyway. how you gonna cash someone's check over chum and partially hydrogenated fake chicken slabs?

no, we should all calm down and remember that there is only one thing worth maiming your fellow man over:

bourbon.

Facebook is the Graveyard of Dreams.

submitted without comment.

"you're scaring me!"

a scene from a relationship in which the woman is transitioning her hair from relaxed to natural...

he (sarcastically): i like that afro you got going on right there.

me: then you're really gonna love it when i cut my hair off and wear a small afro for real.

he: for REAL??

me: for real.

he: .....baby, remember a few years ago when we talked about you getting a weave? why don't you do that? just so, you know....we see what it looks like?

next time, maybe ihop?

in these tough economic times, it's completely normal for those of us who have avoided the unemployment chop to become hyper-sensitive regarding our work product. and depending on the culture of the work environment, even the simplest criticism can cause a marked increase in resentment and defensiveness.

and then there are cases like that of Yakeisha Ward.

MANNING, S.C. -- A Waffle House employee has been arrested and accused of shooting a customer who complained about the service.

The Clarendon County Sheriff's Office says 29-year-old Yakeisha Ward of Manning is charged with assault and battery with intent to kill.

Deputies said Ward worked at a Waffle House restaurant in Manning and was involved in a fight about 4:30 a.m. Sunday. Lt. Tommy Burgess says the fight started when the customer complained about the quality of service in the crowded restaurant.

Burgess says Ward went to her van to get a gun. He says a 27-year-old woman was hit in the arm.

worked?? awww, don't tell me on top of getting arrested, Yakeisha got fired too! so perhaps an addendum needs to be added to the Waffle House Employee Handbook: don't shoot customers.

the thing that stuck out immediately for me is the fact that most Waffle House restaurants are about as big as shoeboxes. If Yakeisha had missed her target, that bullet could have ricocheted around the inside of that place like a pinball machine.

she could have killed everybody in there!

so let this be a lesson to us all: you may hate your job, hate your coworkers, and even hate your slow computer. but you'll hate going to prison for assault and battery with intent to kill even more.

when your backseat smells like pickles.

there is a car rental commercial that shows older cars parked and lonely wondering why their drivers prefer to rent cars than drive them. as the voice-over drones over the many reasons for the preference, one always pops out:

"maybe it's because your backseat smells like pickles."

the whole commercial is poking fun at the many thoughts that go through (usually) a woman's mind when she's trying to figure out why her mate has cheated on her. and that particular line always reminds me of a comment i once read on a blog. allow me to paraphrase:

"you gonna have hard time finding a man and keeping him from cheating on you especially if your pussy stinks!"

harsh.

but rest easy! the Chinese have invented a device to help regular girls become ladies of the etiquette!

your backseat never has to smell like pickles again!

That Pleasant Smile Holds it All Together.

one of the best things about AMC has got to be the tv show Mad Men. it focuses on the lives and careers of men and women working in an ad agency during that late 50s/early 60s. while i was immediately sucked in by the storylines, the one thing that always caused me to cringe - repeatedly - was the blatant sexism. the things which happen to the women in this show at the hands of bosses, lovers, and husbands is horrifying in it's matter-of-fact brutality. It's not enough that your husband calls your psychiatrist to find out what you've been talking about during your sessions? that's okay; how about he cheat on you with everything in a skirt in the meantime?

your boss stringing you along with lies that he's going to leave his wife starting to get under your skin? no problem! how about your brand new fiance rapes you on your bosses floor and then asks you to freshen up before dinner?

no, this show is not simply a study in the nightmare that was american society prior to sexual harassment training and feminism thumped it into everyones heads that you can't get away with this shit. and don't get me wrong: the men are interesting and complex as well. but for me, the show is about the women. while it may be called Mad Men, anyone who's watched the show can tell you it's the women who are REALLY pissed.

in The Times, there is an outstanding piece called Mad Men: the real Mad women on women who really worked in advertising agencies during this same time frame. and while the stories are peppered with anecdotes of blatant male on female bastardness that are (please, God?) unheard of for the most part in today's workplace, there were also some bits that amazed me in terms of how women related to one another on the job.

Per Charlotte Beers:

“I remember a colleague doing a devastating impression of me,” she says. “I went to see her afterwards and said I'm not leaving your office until we work out how to present a united front to the men. She roared with laughter and took me to lunch. I didn't go back to the office that day.”

now, here's a really interesting concept. facing workplace caca head-on instead of allowing the men to step back and enjoy the catfight. I don't think I've ever had a job where the women haven't been more than willing to throw each other under the bus to curry preceived favor from the manager. and while i get that for some, that's called being competitive in the workplace, i also know women are much more inclined to use bullying tactics to freeze a colleague out when feeling threatened.

the one thing i really admire about the women in this article is that they understood to what degree they needed the men in the workplace and they figured out how to use them and/or work around them to reach career success.

SOMETIMES IN A MINI-SKIRT!

remember that the next time you want to call in because you have cramps, candy-ass!

same as it ever was....same as it ever was....same as it ever was.....

but that's MY nickname!!

Submitted without comment:

Drunken Negro Cookies.

Talk amongst yourselves.

AND i'm psychic.

some hardworking maintenance men have been in my office all day with tiles out of the ceilling, working on pipes, draining nasty looking water into a bucket at the front of my desk.

i said to myself this morning, "self?"

i sez "self...wouldn't it be just your luck for that nasty water to somehow get all over your carpet...coming dangerously close to your clandestine heater....and getting on your shoes....? wouldn't that just be your luck, self?"

well guess what the fuck just happened!

can you get mesothelioma from dirty ass water? because i'm thinking i'm going to be breathing this for quite a while since NO ONE is going to bother to clean my carpet!

*sigh*

I'm working on a Risperdal mist

to say that i work in a safe and healthy environment would be a stretch...and by stretch, i mean "a damnable lie." there are so many lines of division in this place that it looks like cheesecloth. and most of these lines of division are created to ensure negativity and discord amongst employees.

i try to maintain a positive attitude and be friendly to people i'd much rather set on fire and i am beginning to believe that that kindness is definitely being taken as weakness. and that puts me in a situation where i can either maintain my professionalism or lose it completely.

and the fact that i have to come into this environment to work for a paycheck that is mostly gone within 72 hours of getting paid is grating.

and by grating...i mean fucked up.

well, the good news is that baring a layoff, i only have to keep doing this for the next, what, 30 years or so.

yay.

Attack of the Dumbass Smartass

9:10 am

Boss - Good morning.

Worker - Good morning.

9:35 am

Boss - Well, hey! I didn't know you were here today!

Worker - ......

Boss - I mean, when i looked at the sign in/out board, your dot says you're out, so I didn't realize you were here!

Worker - ......now, is that right.