one of my favorite bloggers has
a post about little Zahara and her near constant state of hair-craziness* on her site that reminded me of a conversation I had recently with a friend.
we both know of a white couple who has adopted two african american children. oh, they take very good care of them, keep them clean, well-fed, and active in their schools and community. however....the hair situation is alarming.
up until about a year ago, the little girl's hair always looked dry, tangled, and close to matting if it got hit with the briefest breeze. and the boy....the boy's hair stands up in these uncombed, uneven little spikes of curls and kinks....kinda like
it is irritating.
speaking for myself, when i see black adopted children who have been adopted by non-black parents with badly kept hair, my first thought is to judge the parents as
unwilling to educate themselves on black haircare. as if black hair is this massively mysterious entity that suck you in and ruin your hopes and dreams.
it's not
Event Horizon, it's a child's hair.
and the really unfair thing about the situation is, when i see a child who is well cared for in every other way but her hair is neglected, i read that as a type of neglect. yay, hooray, bully for you, she's got clean clothes, she ate 8 times today, and goes to a exclusive private pre-school and is currently fluent in French.
why does her hair look like this?...especially when you always take the time and care to present yourself in a well-kept (and stunning) manner when YOU leave the house?
so, i'd like to share just a few tips with caucasion parents of african or african american adopted children. together, we can get this right!
1) there are 70 kabillion hair salons specializing in black haircare. go to one. if you don't have any black friends, ask a black coworker with children what salon they'd recommend. the point is this: if your kid had crooked teeth would you let them walk around with picket fences in their head or take them to an orthodontist? exactly. there's no shame in admitting some knowledge is outside your paygrade: take.your.child.to.a.salon.or.barbershop!
2) have you heard of this newfangled invention called the internets! the internets hold an amazing amount of information concerning proper haircare, healthy haircare products, cute hairstyles, and just tips in general about black hair. POINT.CLICK.THE.MOUSE!
3) black hair might look really strong but it's very very fragile. don't try to comb it dry, don't comb it with a rattail comb, and for the love of all the good in Narnia, do NOT use vaseline on it. no one is interested seeing your kid walking around looking like a greasy cotton ball.
all that being said (and all joking really, truly, aside) i wonder why.......
why is all the scorn heaped upon angelina jolie for the "state" of Zahara's hair when Heidi's kids wear their hair in much the same way? is there some kinda Coochie Pass** in effect?
ah, well. there will always be critics of Zahara's hair not matter what. and i would imagine that for quite a few of her critics, there will be a sigh of "well it's about damn time" when or if she decided to straighten her hair when she's older.
i'm sure many white adoptive parents of children of color believe they are being unfairly scrutinized by people of color when it comes to how they care for their children's hair. and i can admit to a serious degree, it is unfair.
but
we didn't start the fire.
* i happen to think Zahara's hair looks cute. or maybe it's the face. i'm a sucker for a pretty little girl with natural hair.
** what i mean to say is some type of hierarchy of parenting where a birth parent of a child with black hair is given a pass on the hair situation while an adoptive parent of a child with black hair isn't?
