What's WRONG with these People??

i'm beginning to think that perhaps, as part of their vast right-wing conspiracy, republicans have decided to just talk as crazy as possible, in a sense creating their own language. that way they can communication with one another without any of the other dangerous unamericans finding out what they're talking about.

today's installment comes from South Carolina Representative Jim DeMint!!!!

via Crooks and Liars:

CNN's Rick Sanchez played a portion of Arlen Specter's press conference to South Carolina's Jim DeMint and asked him if Republicans are weeding out the moderates from the party -- and isn't that a bad thing?

Sanchez: Republicans are making it very difficult for other Republicans because, and he said this on several times, you tell me what you think of it. You're shrinking the electorate to an extreme, to a point that a regular republican can't win. What do you make of that argument?

DeMint: Oh, that's quite the opposite. We're seeing across the country right now, the biggest tent of all is freedom and what we need to do as Republicans is convince Americans that freedom can work in all areas of their life, for all Americans, whether it's education or health care or creating jobs...

Sanchez: What the hell does that mean? The biggest tent is freedom. FREEDOM, I mean, you gotta do better than that.

DeMint: No, what it means is what has worked in America, free people, free markets for years.

*WATERY SOB*

yep. still engaged.

Today's Moment in Deliciousness

hi, yes, uhm, where are we going, and is it cool if i make the trip sans panties?

you like it when i speak Latin, don't you?

It's always the darkies that mess it up for others...or....i coulda been somebody!!

true conversation....

light-skinnded: you know, it really surprises me that this type of discrimination still occurs.

dark-skinnded: yes, it's sad.

light-skinnded: you know, honey: i have LIVED through a LOT of discrimination. i mean when i was younger, i had to enter the kitchen through the back doors when i wanted to eat.

dark-skinnded: really!

light-skinnded: yes! i literally had to go through the back doors, because you know, my sisters were dark-skinnded so yeah, i had to go through the back doors too.

dark-skinned: .....zat right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

dear light-skinnded:

allow me to apologize to you on behalf of your sisters and all dark-skinnded brothers and sisters in this country. but for our existence and, more egregiously, our familial relations to you, you could have walked with your head held high through the front doors of that restaurant, perhaps proving to the nice whites that you are just as good, smart, pretty, etc. as they found themselves to be.

but here we go with our "hey, sis," and our "mama said to get milk on the way home," and our "girl, why you standing way over there," blowing your cover. so close was social freedom you could literally almost taste it, am i right light-skinnded?

so, again: sorry about that. perhaps there is a such thing as reincarnation and we'll come back as dogs or goldfish or something. but then again, if we aren't around, who you gonna blame when you still get called nigger?

oh, of course! with us out of the way, there won't BE any niggers.

right, of course.

so, again...sorry, light-skinnded! didn't mean to ruin your day/life. whatever.

sincerely,

blackie mcdarkyson

Opposite Day!

regarding their investigation of the craigslist killer:

Detectives revealed that Brisman's friend, the day after her murder, forwarded them e-mail from the suspect. Sergeant Detective Daniel Duff told the Boston that tip let them "leapfrog" other steps they would usually take in an investigation and allowed them to zero in on Markoff as a suspect. After observing him for a few days—Duff said, "Everything we had up until that point was, yeah, he looks like the guy. We didn't want to jump to any conclusions, and so we couldn't just go down there and lock him based on, yes, he's 6-3 and blond."— they approached him on Monday, after the surviving victim identified him as her attacker.

well, huh. really?

they uh....they don't arrest people in Boston based on physical description?

well. good to know.

My Archetype Precedes Me

i went to lunch today with a coworker at an indian restaurant. this is one of our favorite restaurants in our city because the food is fabulous, the decor of the place is really cute, and the price is always right. so as we sit down and continue our conversation, we are joking and laughing about something. the waiter came over and laughed and laughed and laughed as well. then he looked at me and told me "you are very funny."

odd.

i'm pretty sure he didn't understand why what i was saying was funny since it was specific to a topic my coworker and i know about. and he wasn't a party to the conversation, so he couldn't have gathered the meaning by context. and yet, here he stood smiling eagerly in my face telling me i'm very funny.

and this continued throughout lunch. he would come by the table with water refills or to see if we needed anything, he'd make little comments to me about how funny i was if he saw that we were laughing. so very FUNNY!

and it didn't matter who had said the funny thing which caused us both to laugh; he would look at me and tell me i was funny. SO VERY FUNNY!!

during my trip to the restroom, he informed my coworker that she looks JUST LIKE a former neighbor of his....even told her the neighbor's name....and then asked her if that was HER name.

and this is one of the many reasons why some of us are pissed so often: nobody likes to feel like they are a fuckin template. do you see that i can't even go to lunch sometimes without being reminded of my station, based on what someone thinks they know about you because of your race?!

see this type of prejudice is really tricky. i am aware that his intentions were not to offend or make his customer's uncomfortable. he was merely demonstrating that he has accepted certain notions about other people of color as the gospel and was trying to relate to us based on those notions. i am positive that were i to have reacted negatively to what he perceived as compliments, then i would have downshifted from Funny Black Girl to Angry Black Bitch.

and if i'd asked why i was so funny, i would have been Crazy Black Bitch.

but while he was flailing about trying to relate to us, he didn't understand the shift within me caused by his words. because frankly, while i like being a funny black girl, i did not want to be The Funny Black Girl Archetype.

i just wanted some tikka masala, shit!

Look Everyone, It's a Witch!!!

that's how Madonna turned herself into a pre-ad while simultaneously turning Carlos Leon into "Papi - the youngest old man in the nursing home."

and don't act like you've never heard of the charms of the youngest old man in the nursing home...he got all the nursing aides' digits and always gets extra dessert on his dinner tray!