What's WRONG with these People??

i'm beginning to think that perhaps, as part of their vast right-wing conspiracy, republicans have decided to just talk as crazy as possible, in a sense creating their own language. that way they can communication with one another without any of the other dangerous unamericans finding out what they're talking about.

today's installment comes from South Carolina Representative Jim DeMint!!!!

via Crooks and Liars:

CNN's Rick Sanchez played a portion of Arlen Specter's press conference to South Carolina's Jim DeMint and asked him if Republicans are weeding out the moderates from the party -- and isn't that a bad thing?

Sanchez: Republicans are making it very difficult for other Republicans because, and he said this on several times, you tell me what you think of it. You're shrinking the electorate to an extreme, to a point that a regular republican can't win. What do you make of that argument?

DeMint: Oh, that's quite the opposite. We're seeing across the country right now, the biggest tent of all is freedom and what we need to do as Republicans is convince Americans that freedom can work in all areas of their life, for all Americans, whether it's education or health care or creating jobs...

Sanchez: What the hell does that mean? The biggest tent is freedom. FREEDOM, I mean, you gotta do better than that.

DeMint: No, what it means is what has worked in America, free people, free markets for years.

*WATERY SOB*

yep. still engaged.

Today's Moment in Deliciousness

hi, yes, uhm, where are we going, and is it cool if i make the trip sans panties?

you like it when i speak Latin, don't you?

It's always the darkies that mess it up for others...or....i coulda been somebody!!

true conversation....

light-skinnded: you know, it really surprises me that this type of discrimination still occurs.

dark-skinnded: yes, it's sad.

light-skinnded: you know, honey: i have LIVED through a LOT of discrimination. i mean when i was younger, i had to enter the kitchen through the back doors when i wanted to eat.

dark-skinnded: really!

light-skinnded: yes! i literally had to go through the back doors, because you know, my sisters were dark-skinnded so yeah, i had to go through the back doors too.

dark-skinned: .....zat right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

dear light-skinnded:

allow me to apologize to you on behalf of your sisters and all dark-skinnded brothers and sisters in this country. but for our existence and, more egregiously, our familial relations to you, you could have walked with your head held high through the front doors of that restaurant, perhaps proving to the nice whites that you are just as good, smart, pretty, etc. as they found themselves to be.

but here we go with our "hey, sis," and our "mama said to get milk on the way home," and our "girl, why you standing way over there," blowing your cover. so close was social freedom you could literally almost taste it, am i right light-skinnded?

so, again: sorry about that. perhaps there is a such thing as reincarnation and we'll come back as dogs or goldfish or something. but then again, if we aren't around, who you gonna blame when you still get called nigger?

oh, of course! with us out of the way, there won't BE any niggers.

right, of course.

so, again...sorry, light-skinnded! didn't mean to ruin your day/life. whatever.

sincerely,

blackie mcdarkyson

Opposite Day!

regarding their investigation of the craigslist killer:

Detectives revealed that Brisman's friend, the day after her murder, forwarded them e-mail from the suspect. Sergeant Detective Daniel Duff told the Boston that tip let them "leapfrog" other steps they would usually take in an investigation and allowed them to zero in on Markoff as a suspect. After observing him for a few days—Duff said, "Everything we had up until that point was, yeah, he looks like the guy. We didn't want to jump to any conclusions, and so we couldn't just go down there and lock him based on, yes, he's 6-3 and blond."— they approached him on Monday, after the surviving victim identified him as her attacker.

well, huh. really?

they uh....they don't arrest people in Boston based on physical description?

well. good to know.

My Archetype Precedes Me

i went to lunch today with a coworker at an indian restaurant. this is one of our favorite restaurants in our city because the food is fabulous, the decor of the place is really cute, and the price is always right. so as we sit down and continue our conversation, we are joking and laughing about something. the waiter came over and laughed and laughed and laughed as well. then he looked at me and told me "you are very funny."

odd.

i'm pretty sure he didn't understand why what i was saying was funny since it was specific to a topic my coworker and i know about. and he wasn't a party to the conversation, so he couldn't have gathered the meaning by context. and yet, here he stood smiling eagerly in my face telling me i'm very funny.

and this continued throughout lunch. he would come by the table with water refills or to see if we needed anything, he'd make little comments to me about how funny i was if he saw that we were laughing. so very FUNNY!

and it didn't matter who had said the funny thing which caused us both to laugh; he would look at me and tell me i was funny. SO VERY FUNNY!!

during my trip to the restroom, he informed my coworker that she looks JUST LIKE a former neighbor of his....even told her the neighbor's name....and then asked her if that was HER name.

and this is one of the many reasons why some of us are pissed so often: nobody likes to feel like they are a fuckin template. do you see that i can't even go to lunch sometimes without being reminded of my station, based on what someone thinks they know about you because of your race?!

see this type of prejudice is really tricky. i am aware that his intentions were not to offend or make his customer's uncomfortable. he was merely demonstrating that he has accepted certain notions about other people of color as the gospel and was trying to relate to us based on those notions. i am positive that were i to have reacted negatively to what he perceived as compliments, then i would have downshifted from Funny Black Girl to Angry Black Bitch.

and if i'd asked why i was so funny, i would have been Crazy Black Bitch.

but while he was flailing about trying to relate to us, he didn't understand the shift within me caused by his words. because frankly, while i like being a funny black girl, i did not want to be The Funny Black Girl Archetype.

i just wanted some tikka masala, shit!

Look Everyone, It's a Witch!!!

that's how Madonna turned herself into a pre-ad while simultaneously turning Carlos Leon into "Papi - the youngest old man in the nursing home."

and don't act like you've never heard of the charms of the youngest old man in the nursing home...he got all the nursing aides' digits and always gets extra dessert on his dinner tray!

The One Where the Smartass Left the Smart Part Off

dave was tired of people taking the green tea he placed in the office fridge for his (and his alone) satisfaction. unfortunately, dave did not take into consideration that there would be other, smarter daves in the office. FOILED!

dave's stupidity deserves to be rewarded with thirstiness.

first teabags, then family feud...what are they gonna ruin for me next?!

crazy stuff went down on one of the most beloved, harmless standards in daytime television game shows!

earlier this week, a family was attempting to sweep the board in the category "what is ellen degeneres best known for." as they worked through the list, everything seemed to be going well. and then the host, john o'hurley, asked the only male on the team to answer the question, the man said "she's known to not care for our country."

o'hurley went silent, the audience went silent, even the crickets, who live for these moments, were too shocked to rub their legs together.

and somewhere in america, glenn beck spontaneously ejaculated into his pants.

What's WRONG with these People??

i recently told a friend of mine that i was so perplexed by the stylings of some conservative politicians, pundits, celebrities, and lunatics that i was going to start blogging about it whenever one of them did or said something cah-razy. and today's first post goes to, of course, our man about the crackerhouse: Glenn Beck!





during a recent show, Beck got so pissed when someone had the gall to criticize him, he did what any one of us would do in that situation: he held up a picture of Martin Luther King, Jr. beside his face and said this!

"I have a dream today. I have a dream that we can stop playing not just the blame the messenger game; I have a dream that we can stop playing the game of blame the messenger who's specifically saying the opposite message."

glenn, you're level of deepness is way to deep to even acknowledge. keep it crazy, homeslice.

Where Have YOU Been All My Life???

this little tidbit could have kept me in a nice one-bedroom apartment until i actually made enough money to afford a two bedroom apartment that's not crime and rodent infested in a relatively safe part of town where i can sleep nights with a semi-safe feeling of not getting home invaded, why, because the city planners where i live have paid way more attention to creating high-end housing than they have to creating and preserving affordable housing for working parents who happened to pull the genetic wild card and have multiples!

yeah, it's perfect!

(Source)

black "canadians"...an exercise in redundant redundancy....part I

i read an interesting blog post a few moments ago that blew my mind. in it, the blog author discussed how and the possible reasons why some white people call black people "Canadians." now, the idea alone that "white people call black people Canadians" was confusing enough.

Macon D writes in his blog, "What we have here is an example of a phenomenon that I've noted before, that of "whispering the word 'black.'" In certain situations, some white people use "Canadians" to refer covertly to black people when they think they shouldn't use another word. That other word probably isn't "black people" or "African Americans," but instead, a "worse" word. A more overtly racist word."

how is it possible that i have made it 36 years and have never heard that this is an expression used by some when they want to be slick and not use the N-word?? have i been sheltered? is this a regional thing?

have i actually every heard this euphamism before and just assumed the people talking were really talking about Canadians!?

i'm really conflicted about whether or not i'm angry, sad, or just resigned. i'm gonna work on this one a few days and blog back...

We Bad...We Know It....

quick reference chart

Today's Moment in Deliciousness with a side order of tragedy.....

TJ Holmes is engaged.

i'm sorry...can't see the screen....it all just got blurry....

Tea Baggers taking to the streets April 15th!!

i found this nice little gem earlier today on Crooks and Liars. i had no idea how much fun tea baggers are. there's an extra warm spot in my heart for the dude who, while talking about Obama, almost said "criminal record" rather than "college record."

*sigh*...he's so dreamy.

Facebook Searches are FUN!

for the past few months, i've been looking online for a long lost friend to see if he's caved to the pressure and created a facebook account. so far, no such luck.

however, every time i search i am greeted with this image, which never ceases to crack me up!

if anyone happens to know the arizona brian french, could you tell him to consider changing his profile pic? because i'm pretty sure charlie brown can't change his outfit.

it's not like i made him buy my crack!

He: you know my son is in town visiting.

Me: oh, yeah! having a good time?

He: yeah, big time. and you know i got him driving.

Me: really.

He: yeah, i figure i may as well take advantage of him being here and use him as a designated driver so i can really enjoy myself.

Me:....you know you're wack, right?

He: what! he's 18!

logical reasoning: ur doing it wrong!

so, because you didn't get a tip by individuals at your table, you've been forced to develop racist notions against an entire race of people...the type of people who live in ghettos...

listen, you can't blame someone for "making" you racist. but punking out and using an euphemism instead of what you really want to say DOES makes you a coward.

sunday's moment of ridiculous deliciousness.

this news is pretty suspect, but i don't have the energy to try to figure out how this happened right now...


"In the first truly shocking box office result of the year, "Fast & Furious" sped away from expectations to gross a humongous $72.5 million, according to early estimates from Media by Numbers.

- Best April opening ever, beating "Anger Management's" $42.2 million.

- Best Universal Pictures opening ever (three-day), beating "The Lost World: Jurassic Park's" $72.1 million.

- Best opening yet in 2009, easily beating the bows of the more-buzzed-about "Monsters vs. Aliens" ($59.3 million) and "Watchmen" ($55.2)."


well hey, good times! lets celebrate by hitting the showers....

Today's Moment is Deliciousness

Seattle Mariners outfielder Ichiro Suzuki has a bleeding ulcer and is going to be placed on the DL for 15 days!

i've book a flight to Seattle to take care of this situation. it's critical. i'm taking my best life sustaining lingeree with me, so rest easy:

i think he's gonna pull through.

Do You Know what You Think You Know?

about a year ago, i had a conversation with a friend about the oft-reported stats regarding black women and the chances we have of marrying and having children compared to other women of other races. the stats we discussed, of course, were pretty grim. Yet, my friend in all seriousness said "yeah, but i don't know if i even believe those numbers. who's to say they are accurate?"

whaaaaaat? what is this crazy theory to spout? question STATISTICS????

her statement led to a greater conversation about how the "negro condition" is more usually viewed through a lens of dysfunction rather than positivity and how people just accept the negative information as if it's gospel. this week i was made aware of an amazing example of this phenomenon in action.

how many of us have heard the statement "In the United States, there are more Black Men in Prison than there are In College?" and how many of us have said to ourselves and others "That's a Shame and We MUST Find an Answer to this Problem!"

now what if i told you that that particular "fact" about black men is based on data which was skewed?

what if i told you that, using comparable data to include other variables other than just race, the ratio of black men in college actually overshadows those in prison?

"The numbers in question from the Justice Policy Institute report come from the Bureau of Justice Statistics and the National Center for Education Statistics. The report indicates that there were an estimated 791,600 black men in jail and prison in 2000 and a count of 603,032 in college in 1999. Mr. Morton agrees with the jail and prison number but asserts in his blog that the more reliable U.S. Census Bureau reports that there were 816,000 black men in college in 2000. In the film, he makes comparisons using the same data sources for 2005 and states this number to be 864,000. Furthermore, he argues that it is bad practice to use the entire age range of black males when making these comparisons, because the age range for college-going males is generally 18 to 24, not the 18 to 55 (and up) range of the jail and prison population. Viewed this way, the ratio of black men in college compared with jail and prison is 4-to-1."
- Michael Strambler (Baltimore Sun)

now what i'm not going to do is get into the possible conspiracy theories that could explain how and why the popular "fact" came to be part of our everyday knowledge. but i do find it curious that something as simple as drawing comparisons between two groups which are not exactly alike, something that would get a freshman called to the carpet in an entry level college statistical analysis class, could get past data analysts and peer reviewers.

and i find it sad that most of us accepted that information as fact as soon as we heard it. many of us didn't even bat an eye and thing to ourselves "now what a minute!"

it's caused me to take a second look at many facts i have internalized throughout my life. and it's made me committed to not just accepting negative information as unequivocal fact just because it's supported by statistical data which may or may not have been manipulated to support the fact!

i'm not saying i'm going to turn into a homeless, deranged conspiracy theorist. i'm just saying: i'm gonna look a little bit deeper from here on out. and i invite you to do the same.